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4 Dating Mistakes You're Probably Making Right Now

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You're meeting guys, dating them for a while, but the end result is always the same – your left alone and brokenhearted. A beautiful woman is on a romantic date with a man in a restaurant.Avoid these common dating mistakes to dramatically improve your love life.

Do you find yourself caught in a bad dating cycle? You're meeting guys, dating them for a while, but the end result is always the same – your left alone and brokenhearted. As much as you'd like to believe that there are just no good men out there, it's much more likely that it's due to your own behavior. The good news is that also means it's under your control to change things.

So be honest with yourself and see if you can identify with any of these four common dating mistakes. If you can, you'll be doing yourself a huge favor by changing your dating habits.

1.) Not giving love a chance to grow. You go out for coffee on the blind date that your mother's friend set you up on, but, while he seems really nice and wasn't bad looking, you just aren't feeling any chemistry. So when he calls asking for another date, you tell him that you're just not interested in a relationship right now.

I can't even count how many times a guy started to become more attractive the more I got to know him. Once you give him a chance, see his fun, quirky side, the way he can make you laugh, his kindness and generosity, he really starts to get, well, cuter. And if you give yourself some time to explore that, you might just find that cuter becomes real cute, and before you know it real cute becomes sexy. Continue reading on YourTango.com...

You Are Exactly Where You Are Meant To Be

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The way our lives have worked out, and the route our journeys have taken on the road to finding ourselves and the love in our lives, is all part of the life that we are meant to live and are living now. A beautiful woman is embracing her life with arms outstretched in a field of red flowers.One of the most difficult and frustrating parts of my journey was always the fact that no matter how much I worked on certain areas of my life, there were some things that I just couldn't seem to change no matter how much I tried. Namely, it was how personally I took everything, how deeply I would let the realities of my relationships affect me, how much I would let other people's expectations of me affect my mood, my happiness, my life. I used to beat myself up mercilessly over these, wondering why I couldn't change this part of me. I tried all the suggestions I read over and over, but nothing seemed to work. These issues ran so deep.

And then I just felt worse, because in being so hard on myself, I had now created a situation where not only was I still taking things so personally, but I was also creating the emotions of anger and frustration at myself for being this way. No wonder I just wanted to bury myself under the covers and stay there until the world went away. Or at least until I finally got it right.

But since then I've come to realize that everything, in fact, comes together in our lives based on who we are, and that includes those parts of ourselves that are so resistant to change because they are so ingrained. Our programming, our core personality traits, those messages we did receive. Even if we would have preferred things to have been different. It wasn't about what we didn't get, what we weren't like, what we hadn't been able to overcome. The way our lives have worked out, and the route our journeys have taken on the road to finding ourselves and the love in our lives, is all part of the life that we are meant to live and are living now. And with those words, we can accept all those imperfections about ourselves. Because it might not have been the way we would have chosen to have our lives go, but the end result is exactly the way our lives are meant to be. As imperfect and difficult as it sometimes feels.

And so for you, my beautiful friend who forgets your own worth all too often and focuses too much on what you don't have and what you think you need someone's permission to do and become, I invite you to stop blaming yourself, stop beating yourself up so harshly, stop being so hard on yourself. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. Not from yourself or anyone else.

Don't let anyone into your life who doesn't get this, and don't let yourself do this to you for a second more! Whatever it is you can't seem to accept about yourself, whatever it is you keep beating  yourself up about it. Stop. Your life will come out the way it's meant to not just in spite of you and these imperfections you can't seem to rid yourself of, but because of these parts of you that make you the person you are.

The very beautiful person that you are.

I Can't Make You Love Me

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Beautiful-woman-snow-contemplative
The memory of it all still comes back to me.

You know exactly what I'm talking about here.

Because you've been down this path far too many times before. Of course you thought you could make someone love you. Haven't we all been there?

You, too believed, in spite of what everyone told you, that you could actually change his heart.

And no matter how much you knew deep in your heart you that it shouldn't be like this, you kept trying. Because you believed in miracles and you believed in love and you believed in the power of love to make the impossible possible.

Because that's what makes you so uniquely you.

Your beautiful ability to dream.

And hope. And try even harder. And believe.

And refuse to give up. And that's also why you feel so deep, why you fall so hard, and why your heart can be broken so easily.Continue Reading

Your Actions Say So Much More than Your Words

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You deserve nothing less than someone who calls you often and with enough notice to get together. You deserve nothing less than someone who knows what he's got in you and knows what is required of him if he wants to be in a relationship with you. A beautiful confident woman looks into the camera.You know this scenario all too well. He's not calling you as often as you'd like; he's waiting until the last minute to make plans with you; you're feeling taken for granted. You're not sure what to do to turn things around, but you don't want to lose him; you've never felt the way you do about him with anyone else before and you don't want to risk losing him by saying how much you want more than he's giving you right now. But still your heart longs for more from him, and you struggle with just how much to say or not to say and what to do with all of this.

Where do you go from here?

You have a couple options. You can talk to him. You can tell him how you feel. You can let him know what you need from him. You can have that heart to heart talk that he doesn't want to have, but you need to have. You can try to change him by telling him all of this and more. You can hope that by communicating your needs directly with him, he'll know what he needs to do and make those changes you want.

And he might.

But the reality is, all too often it doesn't work out that way. And you only feel worse after talking with him; he doesn't respond well and subtly pulls away even further and you're left regretting saying anything in the first place. Which makes you feel even more scared of losing him, makes you cling onto him all that much more, making you feel more insecure and doubting yourself in the process. It's a cycle that can lead to that all too common place where that unhealthy push and pull pattern comes into play, with us pushing for more and him pulling away, a pattern that can be so difficult to change once it tugs on our deep-seated insecurities that stem from our own abandonment issues, and his feelings of being stifled that come from his own background issues. The more you feel triggered, the more he feels triggered, and before you know it, your relationship can become more about everything going on beneath the surface than it is about the two of you!

Or you have another option.

Instead of talking to him, you can choose to look at yourself. Instead of telling him what you need him to do differently, you can show him by your actions and your behavior exactly what your boundaries are. Instead of the focus being on him, the focus is instead on someone you can actually change; yourself! Instead of depending on someone else to do something different and change to give you what you need, by choosing to focus on you, he doesn't feel smothered, and your feelings of security and confidence in the relationship (and thus your self-esteem) aren't dependent on what he does or doesn't do, and you're not looking for him to prove how much he cares about you by whether or not he responds to your requests – when in reality his response is about how much he is feeling out of control and smothered and not about how much he cares about you!

Do you see the difference?

So if you want him to call you more, instead of telling him you want him to call you more, you don't return his calls right away, or even at all. And not because you're playing games with him, but because you're focusing on you and making you the priority. You're dating more than just him because he hasn't shown you that he's exclusive with you yet. Or worthy of being exclusive for! You're focused on the things you enjoy, you're keeping a full life of your own while you're watching to see where this might lead. You're out there doing things, finding your passion, following  your dreams and not staying at home waiting for the phone to ring or continuously checking to see if your cell phone ringer is on in case he calls!  You're living your life first and foremost with the focus on you as the icing on the cake, and not a relationship with him!

If you want him to make plans with you earlier in the week before the weekend rolls around, you let him know you already have plans if he doesn't ask you until Friday morning. Because you do already have plans! You didn't wait around for him this time to see if he was going to ask. You went ahead and made your own plans without waiting around for him this time. Sure, you prefer to do something with him. But the reality is, the only way he's going to get the message and start making his plans with you earlier, is if he sees that you require this of him. By your actions! By the fact that you're busy when he finally calls you!

It may take a while.

It may take a while to get used to this new side of you; this confident, self-assured version of yourself that you never knew you had in you. But the reality is, if you want him to treat you differently, if you want to start having the type of relationship that you want with him on your own terms, without you on the begging end, but with you feeling like he's finally treating you the way you know in your heart you deserve to be treated, the way you deserve to be loved, then this is how it happens.

This is the real you!

You deserve nothing less than someone who calls you often and with enough notice to get together. You deserve nothing less than someone who knows what he's got in you and knows what is required of him if he wants to be in a relationship with you.

The key is just remembering this yourself, believing in yourself, and having the confidence and self esteem to know this is the real you.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

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Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.
Are we wasting our time? Or will he be different from the rest?

It's happened again.

Just when you thought you were done with attracting yet another guy with commitment issues, you've found yourself once again in a relationship with an incredible guy that has all the wonderful potential only you can see, if only he would commit!

How does this happen?

How do we keep repeating this pattern over and over again no matter how much we think we are finally done with men with this MO?

Once again, we find ourselves with a dilemma with no clear answers; how long do we wait around to see if he is going to commit to us and the relationship?

Are we wasting our time? Or will he be different from the rest? We so want to believe this will be the case!

It can be such a difficult pattern to break when we're attracting the wrong guys until we uncover the root cause of why we are finding guys like this so attractive in the first place. And most of the time it really is us attracting these types of men. It can feel as though we have a unique sense that only seems to know one direction to go in.

His.Continue Reading

How We Get Hooked

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A beautiful woman is hooked on a guy that is not treating her well.
This is how it happens.

What happens to us that we, perfectly intelligent, level headed women suddenly begin justifying to ourselves, beyond all sense of reason, why he’s treating us the way he does, why it's OK that he has rules about how often he can spend time with us, why it's understandable that he needs so much "guy time", why it always has to be the way HE wants it to be?

And why do we continue to believe that we’re so much better off with him than on our own?

The reality is you're not.

We’d be so much better off on our own at this point, so much better off without this guy bringing us down, doing a number on our self-esteem, but we have such a hard time believing that because when it's good, it really is that good, and we tend to focus so much on those moments that we forget how it feels the rest of the time.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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