One of the most difficult and frustrating parts of my journey was always the fact that no matter how much I worked on certain areas of my life, there were some things that I just couldn't seem to change no matter how much I tried. Namely, it was how personally I took everything, how deeply I would let the realities of my relationships affect me, how much I would let other people's expectations of me affect my mood, my happiness, my life. I used to beat myself up mercilessly over these, wondering why I couldn't change this part of me. I tried all the suggestions I read over and over, but nothing seemed to work. These issues ran so deep.
And then I just felt worse, because in being so hard on myself, I had now created a situation where not only was I still taking things so personally, but I was also creating the emotions of anger and frustration at myself for being this way. No wonder I just wanted to bury myself under the covers and stay there until the world went away. Or at least until I finally got it right.
But since then I've come to realize that everything, in fact, comes together in our lives based on who we are, and that includes those parts of ourselves that are so resistant to change because they are so ingrained. Our programming, our core personality traits, those messages we did receive. Even if we would have preferred things to have been different. It wasn't about what we didn't get, what we weren't like, what we hadn't been able to overcome. The way our lives have worked out, and the route our journeys have taken on the road to finding ourselves and the love in our lives, is all part of the life that we are meant to live and are living now. And with those words, we can accept all those imperfections about ourselves. Because it might not have been the way we would have chosen to have our lives go, but the end result is exactly the way our lives are meant to be. As imperfect and difficult as it sometimes feels.
And so for you, my beautiful friend who forgets your own worth all too often and focuses too much on what you don't have and what you think you need someone's permission to do and become, I invite you to stop blaming yourself, stop beating yourself up so harshly, stop being so hard on yourself. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. Not from yourself or anyone else.
Don't let anyone into your life who doesn't get this, and don't let yourself do this to you for a second more! Whatever it is you can't seem to accept about yourself, whatever it is you keep beating yourself up about it. Stop. Your life will come out the way it's meant to not just in spite of you and these imperfections you can't seem to rid yourself of, but because of these parts of you that make you the person you are.
The very beautiful person that you are.