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Help! My boyfriend is getting distant and I'm pregnant with our baby!

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A beautiful woman leans her head against the wall, sad about her breakup.
I think he just doesn't care about me.

Our letter today comes from Lexi, who's trying to get her boyfriend to change his behavior now that she's carrying his baby.

Her story:

My boyfriend of a year and some months has recently moved in with these terrible roommates who just drink and smoke every single day and he’s been doing the same since being with them.

I recently got kicked out of their home for I got in an argument with the owner of them being a bad influence and smoking in the room with me (I’m currently 6 months pregnant), and ever since I’ve left my bf hasn’t tried to even keep up a conversation with me over text.Continue Reading

Why do I still need his validation?

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A beautiful woman is leaning on a railing against a sunset, disappointed she hasn't heard from her boyfriend.
I shouldn't care but I do.

Our letter this week comes from Micah, who's wondering why she's still looking for validation from one of the worst guys she's ever been with, and why it still matters to her that she hears from him.

Here's her letter and my response below...

Hi Jane,

I'm having weird feelings about my "boyfriend" who moved away.

Normally, whenever I'd think about an ex or him, I couldn't help but long to be together again, the thought of having just one more time and how I'd do things differently - the whole 9 yards.

Whereas today, with him, I don't even get to that sad place.

I'm reminded of how everything he ever said and did was a lie. It's not enough to say I get mad when I think about him but more so, uninterested - can't be bothered mentally.

Though lately, well, I've been in a mad mood. A lot of people have been hearing from their exes and so naturally he's been on my mind, as each month goes by, it's a reminder how someone I cared for cared so little about me.Continue Reading

It's Hard Enough!

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A beautiful woman is frustrated with her head in her hands.
Do yourself a huge favor, right now.

Isn't that how you feel?

Everything already feels so hard, and then you have someone who isn't on the same page as you when it matters most.

No matter how hard you think it is now, it doesn't get any easier the longer you wait for someone to come around and change when the warning signs are there if you could trust yourself enough to see them.

Life is messy. Relationships aren't fantasies.

Who you are and who he is are products of years of programming - mostly the subconscious kind neither one of you are even aware of. Until the honeymoon is over and you're only left with reality, because the beginning wasn't who he really was.

At least not in a way he could indefinitely sustain.

It's why we excuse away those little behaviors that are actually the seeds of huge red flags. It's why we let those small things we don't want to make a mountain of slide, because of our own inherent confirmation biases.Continue Reading

Should I Take Him Back?

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A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her.
Is there a chance he means it this time?

Beautiful Tania is wondering if she should take back her boyfriend of almost 9 years, or if he's just going to keep on doing the same things that have left her heartbroken in the past.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane

For the past 8 to 9 years I have been in a toxic relationship, yet I stay, as I can see the good in him.

Most women would've left and I myself would've left if I was a younger version of myself. I am unsure of what keeps me in it, it could be that after me leaving all of my previous relationships that I have now developed a belief that I need to try harder, combined with a fantasy of this guy while he was with his previous partner.

I saw him be so attentive to her and wanted that kind of relationship for myself.

He has 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy, to his previous relationship and I have 2 girls to my previous relationship. It all started good, as relationships usually do, and then he decided to over rule me and my decisions about whether my eldest was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car or not.Continue Reading

He's Perfect, Except For...

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Close up of a male musician playing acoustic guitar
He'd be absolutely perfect if it wasn't for this one little thing.

The letter this week covers a topic that I hear from so many of you that I almost could have just written this as an open letter to the community!

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

In November, I met a wonderful guy.

After the first date, he and I agreed that we felt a strong connection and wanted to date each other exclusively. My boyfriend is truly a great guy with all the qualities I've been looking for in a potential husband and father to future children.

We've talked of getting married and having a family in the near future.

Now for the part I'm struggling with and could use some advice...but let me start off by saying we do have an age difference...I'm 28 and he's 20. My boyfriend is unemployed. He has been since before we started dating.

I expressed my concern for this situation at the very beginning. He lives with his grandparents. He's basically the only member of the family that helps them with daily needs and chores around their house.

He uses his grandmother's vehicle.Continue Reading

It's Your Choice

21 Comments

It is always your choice written on a blackboard.
Never, ever, forget this part.

You look back.

You look back at what was, not what is. You retell the story of how it should have been with your memory of what you did wrong.

It’s not too late!

Throw out the convention. Throw out the desire to have it the way your mind says it has to be.

This is your choice. You get to choose what terms you’re willing to accept.

This isn’t about him, it’s about you.

I’ve been working with a woman for years now, who has been trying to change the man she loves. She's miserable without him, and so is he without her. But together, they fight.Continue Reading

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