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I Know He's Not The One For Me - Why Am I Upset He Moved On?

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A beautiful woman sits on a beach looking sad because her ex has moved on.
How do I stop feeling so angry and empty and sad?

One of our gorgeous readers, who has called herself "RasberryRush", is feeling empty and sad that her ex has moved on, even though she knows he was not right for her.

Her story:

Hi Jane

I am baffled by myself, truly baffled.

My ex and I have been on-and-off for about 3 years now - he couldn't give me what I wanted in terms of a future together and I knew we were going in different directions in life.

We stayed intimate here and there (for the 3 years) and we would talk/text frequently every day. I think we fooled ourselves into thinking we were doing the 'friends' thing really well, but we weren't friends.

We were an oddly formed pair who acted like a couple in all but name.

Distance was a factor as we live around 3 hours apart - he's unwilling to move and for family reasons I can't. I feel like we knew we were each other's Mr/Ms Right Now as opposed to being the real deal.

So why then am I so totally crushed and angry that he's been out on a couple of dates with someone?Continue Reading

9 Years, 1 Dog, 1 House... No Ring

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A woman holds her dogs head close, showing affection.
Could this really be the end?

Our beautiful friend, who has signed herself "Confusing Journey", has been on quite the journey indeed. She's wondering if he'll ever propose, or if this should really be the end. Read on for her story...

Here's her letter:

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We met when we were 17 and 19.

We have had a great relationship, with some hiccups a long the way, him leaving, back together, me leaving... back together. The longest we ever separated for is 3 weeks though.

All of those issues occurred early in our relationship when we both were so young and we always worked through the issues. He is fun, but serious at the same time, a business major. His family says he has always been a 40 year old in a boy’s body. Lol.

He is confident and determined and is stable. I am outgoing and funny and care free. Kind of opposites, but I have seen his outgoing side and he has always been my rock.

Welllll, we were still not living together, but at our 7 year mark he decided that someone else had caught his attention and that he wanted to pursue this person.

He broke up with me and I was devastated to say the least, but in his defense he was completely up front and honest about it the whole time and 2 weeks went by of him in this limbo of does he want me, or does he want her.

Finally, I chose for him. I left for good.Continue Reading

How Do I Find the Courage to Leave?

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Beautiful rocks with the word courage written on one.
How do I tell him I don't want to be with him?

One of our gorgeous readers, who has chosen to call herself "In Between", is desperately trying to find the courage to leave a relationship that she knows isn't right for her.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I am a follower of yours and I have benefited tremendously from all your emails.

I am 25 years old and am in a situation. My boyfriend and best friend of about 4 years broke up with me and said that he had met someone else who he saw himself with. I had broken up with him before then we got back together, we have been best friends since we were in our late teens and we know each other so well.

I know I hurt him before when I broke up with him so I knew somehow that he did this to get revenge somehow, which did not work out so good for him because after two months, he was back on his knees saying he did not know what he was doing at the time and that he listened to some people who only wanted to break us apart and he only realized afterwards.

The only problem is, I had forgiven him quite alright, I broke contact with him and was now seeing someone else.Continue Reading

Should I Call or Text? I Don't Want to Lose Him

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone, worried, wondering if she should call or text him.
I haven't heard from him since Sunday. Should I call or text?

What do you do when you're afraid he's going to go back to his ex? Our letter this week comes from our gorgeous friend Hannah, who is going through exactly that.

Here's her email:

Hello,

I'm desperate for your help and wouldn't normally be so needy but I don't know what to do.

Before I go into detail, here is a little break down of timings etc., as it's all a bit complicated:

2010 - My boyfriend starts dating his ex.

2013 - My boyfriend moves his ex into his house.

2013 - Things start to fizzle out between my boyfriend and his ex. She adores him but he isn't sure and she moves out of his home in November 2014 and they take a break so he can get his head straight and decide what he wants. It's in this same month that he and I start seeing each other.Continue Reading

I Don't Want to Be Hurt Again

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A woman and man are experiencing a break up and she doesn't want to be hurt again.
His mixed signals give me hope we'll get back together.

Our beautiful friend Yuri has been in a relationship with a guy who now says he just wants to be friends, but he's giving her mixed signals which is giving her false hope.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend broke up with me in October 2014.

He first said that he wanted to take a break to be with himself because he had some issues then three weeks later he broke up with me. I was really sad but I managed to remain calm. But a week after the breakup he started calling me again and wanted to always hang out with me.

I went along because I was emotionally too dependent on him. As days went by I grew uncomfortable because I knew that even though we were like a couple he still didn't consider me his girlfriend. I decided to speak to him about it and he told me that he was still having some issues and that if I wanted to I could be with him because in the future we will get back together.

Again I went along with what he said hoping that we will get back together soon. But then I noticed a repeated cycle taking place.Continue Reading

Something to be Grateful For

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A beautiful blond woman is sitting with her back to her boyfriend as they break up.
When you look back on it, you'll see it differently.

You know all those songs about being grateful that you didn't get what you wanted (think: Beyonce, The Best Thing I Never Had)?

Well, there's a reason.

Because when this is all over, this "going through" process that you're trying so hard not to fight right now, you'll be writing your own version of this song.

This isn't just about a relationship, it's about your life.

It's about being able to trust what you didn't believe you could. It’s about seeing things for yourself in the only way we ever really learn those real lessons in life. By going through them firsthand.

Those are the lessons that we never forget.

I understand all too well just how hard it can be to believe that, and how tired we can be of hearing our well-meaning friends and family offer the empty promises with words like “it’s going to get better soon”.Continue Reading

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