Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
You know that guy you used to have? The one you lost? The one you think you were too much for, too needy with, or not enough of what he actually wanted you to be?
Yeah, that one.
He's gone now, right?
And you're sitting here, going back over every last conversation in your head. Every text, every message, every nuance. Until the very last one.Continue Reading
In reading your emails, there's something that always stands out for me. It's when you talk about being anxious, feeling uneasy, being sensitive and picking up on things that you don't know what to do with.
See, when you say things like that, I see something else.
I see that you know exactly what to do, even if you don't believe you do and that's why you're writing to me.
I see you knowing this guy far better than you think you do.
I see you blaming yourself for what happened in the past because it's so easy to fall into the pattern of self-blame when we've come to look at our intuitive senses as being something that's "wrong with us" instead of a gift that lets us know what's really going on when we're so wrapped in the fantasy of what someone could be if only he wanted to be that.
There's always a reason the things you see are red flags.
How could you not take them to heart? How could you have interpreted them in any other way than you did? He's rarely a bad guy, just clearly someone who's not on the same page as you.Continue Reading
There's someone who keeps appearing in my calls with you.
A certain type of man that keeps coming up in our conversations, no matter where in the world you happen to be, regardless of your story, regardless if you've learned all those hard lessons, regardless of who you are and where you've been.
Years ago, I thought it was just me, and then just me and my friends, and then just some of the women I coached, and then almost every woman from every part of the world was telling me her story of the same type of man.
Until I realized, this was no coincidence.
All of us nurturers, grace-givers, empathetic feelers and sensitive souls can't help but feel the pull of this strong on the outside, yet soft on the inside kind of man.
We're the peace-makers, the harmonizers, the sympathizers, the empathizers, the understanding ones with a cup that seems to always be full for everyone else even as we become more and more depleted giving every part of ourselves following some unwritten "rules" about how we do relationships. And it's not just our relationships with men, it's our relationships with everyone!Continue Reading
There’s a word that keeps coming up.
On my calls. In my inbox. In the heartbreaking comments I read from you here on the blog and on social media.
I hear it when you tell me things like:
No one sees like you.
No one hears like you.
No one thinks like you.
No one feels like you.
You see what everyone else says to just ignore. Because you can’t ignore it!
You hear what everyone says is just you picking up on something that isn’t there. It doesn’t go away.Continue Reading
You don’t say it out loud, but it’s there.
You think it has to be you.
Everything you’re not.
Everything you think you need to be.
But it’s not!
Exactly who you are is enough.
Exactly where you’re at right now is all part of this journey.
Don’t buy into a culture that dictates what you need to be to be loved, to have love, in order to get that love.
Love doesn’t work that way. It shows up both when you least expect it and when you most expect it.
In the perfect time either way.Continue Reading
To the woman who posted that she thought she was a failure because her therapist is frustrated she can't do the "seemingly innocuous thing that most people have no trouble doing, but that represents lots of trauma to her."
It involved unpacking boxes, she said. "Can't I even unpack one box?"
Girl, there’s nothing wrong with you!
I work with women just like this all the time who were “bad” at therapy, who didn’t get anywhere in their counseling, who have nothing to show for all their years of working on themselves!
There’s nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with your counselor, it’s just we all learn and grow and have our shifts in different ways.
Just like so many of us concluded that we were “bad” at math.
It’s not that there’s some inherent math deficiency in us; it’s that we now know that we don’t all learn the same way! They didn't know that back then, when it was an old, intimidating male teacher repeating the same lesson at our desks that he’d just said up at the board - but this time ending with the ominous question, "You can see that now, right?"
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