Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship With Me?

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Friend Zone word cloud.
How can I get out of the Friend Zone?

One of our beautiful readers, who has called herself "Sleepless in Seattle", is wondering if the guy she's interested in will ever want a committed relationship with her, or if he just wants to be friends.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I need help with this guy.

We met each other about three months ago in a play that we were both a part of, and I liked him immediately. After a couple months of being just casual acquaintances, we began messaging over Facebook.  After we began messaging, we messaged practically every night for hours for about two weeks.

He even said twice in a joking way, "Why don't we just get married already?"

Then, we hung out together with a mutual friend at the movies. Then we finally hung out alone and I felt serious chemistry between us. He was always hugging me, staring at me, touching my hands, smiling.

Then, I told him that I had feelings for him.Continue Reading

Your New Dream this Christmas

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The word love and a heart symbol written in snow.
It's time for a new dream this year - real LOVE!

It's that time of year again - the season that brings up so many mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's a time of excitement and joy; on the other, we're often filled with melancholy and loneliness, particularly when we don't have someone special in our lives.

Yes, it's the holidays.

If you're at all like I was (and I know you are), you approach the holidays so idealistically, overflowing with optimism. We always go into it believing that this time things will be different. Better.

This time, your mom will really hear what you're saying. This time you and your dad will really connect and share some special moments. This time your uncle will stop ribbing you about being "still single". This time there won't be family arguments after (or during) dinner.

The dream.

And then there's what I like to call the dream.

This time, we think, he's going to finally realize what he's got in you, and he's going to want a committed relationship.

You can picture it in your mind so vividly:

He comes walking up the path to your front door, a dozen red roses in hand, tears in his eyes. "I've been such a fool" he says.Continue Reading

I Know I Need to Let Go, But I Can't!

33 Comments

a beautiful woman is holding her head with her hands because she feels like she's going insane over her boyfriend that won't commit.
After 4 years of this, I feel like I'm going INSANE!

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to remain anonymous, is in a toxic relationship with a bad boy that she knows is no good for her, but she can't let go.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

I really don't know what to do anymore - I have been holding on to this problem for 4 years now and I'm getting INSANE!

It all started 4 years ago when I was 18 years old - I met this boy who became my boyfriend.

We went to the same high school, and I was looking at him for 3 years before he noticed me and came over to talk. Few months later we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He was my first real boyfriend and I was so in love with him.

I can't even describe it - but I'm sure you know it feels.Continue Reading

The Truth About Happily Ever After

35 Comments

And they lived happily ever after
But what did that look like?

You know that dream you have of happily ever after?

Well, I have some good news for you: There really is a happily ever after. It exists.

It’s just different from the book and movie versions we all grew up with.

The ones in the stories read aloud to us as children and the versions based on the same themes we later watched on television and in movie theaters as we grew older. Whatever the particular story, they all had the same ending we would come to expect and look forward to: the one that ended with the prince sweeping the damsel in distress off her feet and the final words, whether they were spoken or simply implied, "… and they lived happily ever after".

It wasn't until much later in life that I began to wonder, "How?"

Because after so many failed attempts at my own version of these same fairy tales that seemed so elusive to me, it became the question I so desperately wanted to know the answer to. "What happened next?"

But of course, that’s where the story always ended and we never heard what really happened after they got together. After the glow of the initial attraction was no longer the only thing each other saw, and the real story played out.

Continue Reading

My Boyfriend is Choosing His Career Over Our Love

30 Comments

Love or career image - a chalkboard showing a hand drawn balance with the words love and career.
Is your boyfriend choosing his career over love?

One of our beautiful readers, Emily, is in a relationship with a man who is choosing his career over her.

Here's her story:

I am a fifty-three (year old) single woman, never been married with no children. I have not had a relationship with a man for ten years.

I haven’t been attracted to a man in that time; that part of my life didn't exist.

Over eight months ago I met a man through my work that attracted me deeply. He is an executive of a global company and is committed to his work. I have been passionate about my work so find that part of him attractive as well. I have been independent for so long myself.

We work in similar fields so have a lot in common.

Due to his work, he mainly communicates with me by text and there was a time, I may not hear from him for weeks. He was very direct in contacting me and in saying how he feels.

Having a man find me attractive is new to me. When we meet it is wonderful. I love talking to him and feel overcome by how he makes me feel. He is a kind and intelligent man. Over the past year, I have changed.

He has changed me. I now recognize I am a sexual attractive woman.

Over the past few months we have become closer. He is in contact more and says he loves me. I can feel that when I see him. We also live in different cities, which makes it harder. However, as he lives in a city where my family live I visit often. It is usually his work that hinders us in meeting. He travels overseas regularly and works nights.

Last week I visited him to catch up before he traveled overseas again.

I hadn't seen him in months, although he sends me regular texts, recently saying he loves me. I began to feel deeply for him and that I could love him too.Continue Reading

What Love Really Is

50 Comments

What love really is - symbolized by the word love written with twigs on bark with a red rose.
What's YOUR definition of Love?

Love

What is it really about?

What are we spending so much of our time and energy trying to find? We say it’s love, we’re looking for love, but what exactly does that mean? And as one reader asked me in her quest to understand this subject, how do you know you’re in love? How do you define the feeling?

For so many of us, we thought it was simple. You meet someone you feel all those excited feelings with, you’re attracted to them,  you feel an attraction from them that tells you they feel something to, and you begin dating, getting to know each other better, and eventually commit to each other in an exclusive relationship which leads to marriage – if that’s what you’re looking for.

Except, if you’re like most of us here, that’s not how it went down. In fact, that’s not at all how it happened.

Instead, you had feelings, he had feelings, it felt like you were falling in love. You got to know each other better in this cultural thing we do called dating, and then suddenly – or so it seemed to you – something changed and he became emotionally distant.

He pulled away, created more distance and left you with a broken heart feeling like you still love him and the feelings are still there. For you, but not for him.

So what is it?

What is it about this picture of love that gets played over and over again regardless of who we are, regardless of who he is, regardless of how strong our feelings may be?Continue Reading

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