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Relationships

The Relationships category contains posts regarding the stage after dating, in which you are generally in an exclusive monogamous relationship. The Relationships category includes posts on such topics as meeting the family, commitment, is he the right one for you?, etc.

I'm So Confused!

6 Comments

A woman is looking up at question marks above her head.
Am I being over sensitive and reading too much into it?

Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful subscribers, Angela, who finds herself confused over the hot and cold behavior of her boyfriend of two months.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I have been seeing a man for almost 2 months. He is a truck driver and is on the road a lot. He has 2 children; one is much older (an adult), the other is young son. He sees him every other weekend.

In the beginning we spent hours and hours a day on the phone. Talking about everything imaginable. Things from our childhoods (both good and horrible things). We talked about past relationships and divorces. We talked  about our children and things they are into and things we do with them as a family.

We talked about sexual things and sent risqué pictures to each other. We would say we miss each other, can't wait to see each other, and give compliments on each other's pictures and how beautiful we think each other is.

We also sent regular pictures such as places he was driving through and things our kids were doing. Pictures of just our faces.Continue Reading

What if You CAN'T Let Go?

17 Comments

A beautiful woman is sad because she's spending the holidays alone.
Sometimes the quick fix just doesn't work.

What if you don't let go?

What if you don't get over it?

What if you don't get over him?

You say you have to, that THEY say you have to, that it's in your best interest.

But what about you?

You know why so many women and men find me after they've been through all the advice and heard all the shoulds of what they're supposed to do, only to find it's not working for them?

Because the quick fix, get over him, block him, let go, move on type of advice only works if you're actually there yourself.

Otherwise, you're left with one big gaping hole in your heart, because all you’ve done is follow the instruction of someone who was never you, who's never known what it's like to be your own heart and soul.Continue Reading

How Do I Get Him Back?

4 Comments

A beautiful woman is on the phone flirting with a guy she is chasing.
The reality is, getting him back requires two things.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than the words coming from someone who fears they've lost the one person they've poured their heart and soul into and are looking for help to get them back.

It's heartbreaking because of what they're going through. And it's even more heartbreaking because the answer I have to share with them is rarely ever the simple one they were hoping to hear.

Because yes, you can get someone back. But it's not as simple as saying just the right words, or sending the perfect texts in just the right sequence or anything remotely similar to a formula.

No, the reality is, getting him back requires two things. One you have control over and one you don't.

Why am I telling you this? Because there's someone going through this right now, and it's her letter I'm sharing with you today.Continue Reading

I Just Want to Be Sure I'm Not Walking Away from a Good Thing

4 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a couch at home alone, feeling sad that she doesn't have a boyfriend.
Am I foolish to stay in this relationship?

Isn't this at the heart of the question you're asking, too?

You sense what you need to do. You've been wrestling with it for a long time. You've got all your facts, all your information, all that you've quietly (or not so quietly) been observing, all the while hoping something would be different this time.

But it hasn't, has it? It's still the same.

And now there's just one thing you need to know. It's that you're not walking away from a good thing. That's what brought Diane here today.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I have been dating a man, 14 yrs older than me, for almost ten years now. We don't live together.

I have two children who are now teenagers.

My boyfriend works all the time and has very little time for the relationship. We see each other usually Saturday evening through Sunday most weekends, but if either of us has something on at the weekend it means we don't see each other for 2/3 weeks.

He has put this boundary in place as he is exhausted with work all the time. I believe he is a workaholic and is using work to avoid relationship and emotional intimacy. We have been talking about getting a place together for 6 years now and have looked at houses but that is as far as it ever goes.Continue Reading

But That's Not You, Is It?

14 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a beach looking sad because her ex has moved on.
You poured every part of your being into your relationship with him.

Years of walking through heartbreak, both my own and with you, have confirmed one very specific thing; we don't get over it, avoid it, or use strategies to keep it from affecting us.

We walk through it. We feel it.

All of it.

There are women who follow a practical "3-step guide" to getting over a guy and that’s all they need.

They get a new hairstyle.

They get a makeover.

They buy some new clothes.

Maybe they take a trip somewhere.

But that’s not you.

No, you feel everything.Continue Reading

Why he says "It’s going good just the way it is, let’s not mess with it."

12 Comments

A beautiful woman is on a date with a man.
Hint: It's not because of you!

It feels so personal, doesn't it?

When he says "It’s going good just the way it is, let’s not mess with it", you just can't help it. You think it's because of you.

"I must not be enough", you tell yourself.

Or I must be too much. Or, in other words, "There must be something wrong with me that I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do and it's STILL not enough to get him to commit to me."

So let's clear this up right now before you go any further with why this is somehow your fault that you're stalled in the in-between zone.

It's  not because of you.

It's because of what any deeper of a commitment to you represents to him!Continue Reading

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