It's only been a couple months, but Wynn is head over heels for her boyfriend who's just dropped some disappointing news on her. Now she's wondering if she should wait for him or move on.
Here's what she told me:
Hi Jane,
I have been dating my Marine boyfriend for a couple months now and I am totally head over heels for him.
I think he feels the same about me, but he had to move across country for school and he says that we can't be together because of the distance and because he will be too busy.
He cried so hard when he left that I don't think it's just an excuse.
Do you think he might come back for me when school is over or do you think I should just move on?
- Wynn
My Response:
Dear Wynn,
Any time someone tells you that the two of you can't be together - whatever the reason - believe them.
Whether it's school, the distance, a job, being busy, whatever, the bottom line is he's decided the two of you can't be together and has let you know this loud and clear, regardless of his tears.
I'm sure his tears were real as he genuinely knew what he was leaving behind when he left, but tears and emotions are never enough to make a relationship last or to measure someone's intentions.
As hard as it is to accept this, these were his words, so the best thing you can do to honor and respect yourself is accept this and move on. If the two of you have a future together, you'll know because he will let you know without a doubt that's what he wants. He'll want to make sure you know!
But don't wait for that, because you never know if or when that may happen. The best thing you can do is move on, focus on you and all the things that you enjoy that make your life full and wonderful, and trust in real love enough to know that if two people are meant to be together, they always are.
Not just because of fate or chance, but because they both want the same thing, are on the same page and are both willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen. Contrary to all the fairytales we've been told, that's what it takes to make a real relationship work.
And one last thing, I want to make sure you know that this is really not about you; it's about him and where he's at at this point in his life, so do not take it personally.
You deserve nothing less, Wynn, than someone who wants to me with you as much as you want to be with him, and when it's right, you'll know without a doubt.
I hope this helps!
Love,
Jane
Do you have any advice for Wynn? Tell her what your take is on her situation in the comments!
Wynne dear. I have experienced unrequited love and know the pain. But atleast he has told it to you rather than lie to you. Accept that and try to move on.
Hi girl,
I’ve dated a marine for a couple of months as well who broke my heart. I was devastated and depressed for a few months…. And I found out later that marine guys (out of all military men) are the worst when it comes to dating. They don’t know what they want. They break so many girls’ hearts without realizing it. I don’t know what it is with them, but be extra careful with that group of men. Don’t open your heart too fast, date other guys and see who matches with YOU, and not the way around. Good luck to you and much love!
I was with the love of life for 3 years. He bought me a ring and was building a house for us. He was tall, dark, handsome, funny, respected, made good money, nurturing, doting, made me feel beautiful, and his family loved me. Each time we argued he would doubt us and leave me for a week or so. Just before our engagement we argued, he said we were not right for each other and left the house and never came back. He cried when he walked out but I have not heard from him since. It was hard to accept . It's been over 6 months. I still compare all guys to him now. I feel you and understand what you are going through. I also hear Jane's words and know the truth. If someone wants to love you, they will.
That it. Love yourself and your life and your experiences. My experiences have made me a evolved , more resilient human.
Xoxoxo
Wynn, I am kinda going threw the same stuff, this man I really like lives 3 hrs away. But he is having trouble with his 14 yr old daughter. He tells me one day he wants to be with me, just to have patience. That’s been 4 weeks ago, I text him but he will not say anything . So yes I will go out with other guys , if it’s what I want . You will need to go on, if someone ask u out if u want to go , Go out. Get your mind off of him, and do you what makes you happy! Then he will see you are living your life, and if it’s meant to be he will be back!!
This having trouble with their teenage daughters is such a pattern amongst so many of women I talk to, Sherry. I've come to the conclusion that if he's not tuned in to his own daughter, how is going to be tuned into you?!
So hard not to compare, Z! Hearing you on the "evolved, more resilient human" part. Glad my words helped you too!