If this all seems so difficult to you, there's a reason.
It's because what we're essentially doing here is creating what we're looking for. We don't have a model for it. We haven't seen it before. We don't know what it looks like - at least not for ourselves.
We only have what we've been told it's like and what people describe to us it's going to look like when we find it.
The rest comes from us.
We have to get clear enough ourselves on what it is we're looking for so that we'll even be able to recognize it when it's in front of us.
We have to believe it's possible, by believing what we know was possible within ourselves and within people we've only heard stories about how it happened for them.
If we don't have faith, if we find it so hard to believe because all our own personal evidence is to the contrary, it's going to be especially hard to overcome our doubts and cyncism to believe someone who embodies what we're looking for could even exist.
And if we believe all the bad news and disheartening statistics out there, we're going to have an especially hard time seeing the possibility of it being any different than the harsh statistics for us.
Add to that all the programming we've been fed, all the fearful marketing that's been leveraged at us, and you can see why this begins to feel like a monumental task.
It's not, though.
It only feels like it is when we're just starting out like this, just realizing what we can do - that we actually have some power of our own - when we've been so used to believing these things just happen to us - or they don't.
It starts with you. And yes, you're up for it.
Someone hurt you so much they made you cynical. Someone told you so many lies, they took away your natural ability to trust anyone ever again. No one had the right to do this to you, but they did it anyway.
You know how you right this wrong? You dare to dream again. You dare to trust again. You dare to believe in yourself again. You take back your power you unwittingly gave to them, and you give it back to yourself.
You start by allowing yourself to be curious of what might be different if you could dream a little dream of your own, if you could trust again one day because someone proved himself worthy of your trust, and if you could summon the courage to believe in yourself long enough to see what could be different for you, too.
You've taken so many chances on everyone else, isn't it time you took a chance on you?
Ready to get curious? Share your dream with us here in the comments.
This describes a part of what has been hard for me. Going on 3 months being single again and I feel myself giving back the love I gave away to someone who wasn't emotionally available. I missed all the subtle remarks made to me. It became more clear during our breakup when he said to me yet again, "You deserve better and for someone who can reciprocate the love you give." I ignore it before (it felt like a compliment more than unconscious truth) because I wanted this person to be my forever after.
I'm still working on the [Beautiful, Confident, Radiant YOU!] by yours truly, I discovered I really do have the choice to pick. I see all my qualities and inner/outer beauty(handsomeness) I do have many and I do mean many new eligible guys coming my way now that I am working on myself. In times it still feels hard because many of these guys aren't looking for what I'm looking for or maybe its me just finally noticing the yellow/red flags. It sometimes worries me that I'll be wanting to repeat the same old patterns in fear that I'll overlook something in one of these guys. I don't know if its expectations that I'm setting that are too high and wanting everything to be perfect or just fears of wasting my time again. It still feels a little hard. Based on this article, maybe I need to continue to pour love back into me a little bit longer? Is it because I'm still second guessing my worth and wanting to fill it in with the next guy who marks off more than a couple items on my checklist?
I heard on the radio the other day about a girl waiting 3 months to accept a guy's proposal to make them boyfriend/girlfriend official. If a guy really does want you, would he try with this much effort to show he really values your worth?
Thank you Jane
He would, Armando. And not in a flashy way, but in a way that you could tell it was real. Such telling words. Never stay one a moment longer when someone you're with says you're worth better than them! They know even when we don't want to. And yes, this isn't overnight stuff. We have to unlearn what took years to learn by giving to ourselves what we never got, by realizing we're even worth that, and by embracing all those things we think made us too much, not enough or unloveable in the past. It's not wrong you! Only the wrong ones for you!