Archives for July 2019

Ready to Let Go and Move On? Ask Yourself This First

A woman is looking up at question marks above her head. — You need your answers. You need to find out why.

There's something you need to know.

If you're not ready to move on from someone, if all you want is to be with him, regardless of how he's treating you right now, because you believe in him and who he is underneath the outside veneer, because you love this man no matter how dysfunctional a love it is, then nothing you do to try to move on or get over him is going to work.

Nothing.

You'd only be fighting yourself in the process.

It's so important for you to understand this because telling yourself it's not working, that you can't move on, that what people are telling you to do, like going no contact or seeking therapy, won't work anyway because you tried that before, only becomes true if what you're currently doing is actually working for you.

I've been there.

Is He Really a Bad Texter or Am I Just There to Fill in His Lonely Time?

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her. — Why doesn't he want to text me?

Our letter this week comes from one of my readers who's not sure what to make of her new "boyfriend", or if he's even her boyfriend. Sound familiar? Read on to hear more of her story and my response ...

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

So I’ve met this guy via an online app around 1.5 months ago and we’ve been seeing each other ever since then (once or twice a week during the weekends).

We haven’t had the "define the relationship" talk yet but there was one time he called himself “boyfriend” (first few dates) but I only realized it a few days after as I wasn’t really concentrating at that moment.

One time, he also told me how lucky he is to have me as his girlfriend but I did not question him because it was already a late night and I was exhausted so I decided to let it go.

I have been thinking of bringing this relationship talk up but I’m worried he might feel pressured about it so I am just giving us a little bit more time. I am also questioning as to why he would just assume I became his girlfriend before asking me or having the talk.Continue Reading

The Last Layer

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A beautiful woman looks out the window at the sun shining through realizing she has a fresh start. — There's one more layer you haven't uncovered yet.

When your view of yourself is limited to the words you heard growing up as a child from people who had so many of their own issues, because they didn't know how to love themselves let alone love you, their words become your own.

You don't see yourself as lovable, beautiful, spirited, passionate, confident.

You see yourself as flawed, unlovable, clumsy, messy, stubborn, lazy or whatever other words were thrown at you.

As adults, when we don't understand these underlying roots of our assumed identities, we attract people who are familiar to us. People who remind us of our parents, who have a similar view of us as we're used to.

As much as we can hardly bear to hear those words spoken or implied again, it's the only thing we know.

That's why separating those early roots from our reality today is such an important part of creating healthy relationships. We have to first be attracted to healthy people before we can form healthy relationships!

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Ready to Let Go and Move On? Ask Yourself This First

Is He Really a Bad Texter or Am I Just There to Fill in His Lonely Time?

Here's her story:

The Last Layer

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