Archives for July 2019

Different Face, Same Story. When Will It Be Enough?

Close up portrait two young men in shadow white background — It's him I'm talking about here.

I heard from another one of us yesterday.

Yet another one of us taking on all his stuff.

Wounded, broken, emotionally bereft. It's him I'm talking about here.

A father who was never there or demanded nothing less than absolute perfection and stoic adherence to his own emotional deprivation.

An anxious or overbearing mother projecting everything onto her son from the issues she never dared address with her husband.

He's a different face but with the same story.

You would think we would have had enough by now, but we're the last ones to give up on something that comes so close to resembling the only love we've ever known.

Not the loving kind, no, the other kind.Continue Reading

Confused and Upset and Just Want My Boyfriend Back. But is it me?

Here's her letter and what I had to say...

Hi Jane,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months. The first four months were fantastic. We saw each other whenever we could (both have jobs and children), messaged constantly all day and talked about the future.

A couple of months ago he started to become more distant, taking longer to reply, not instigating meeting up so much etc.Continue Reading

When "Find Your Passion" Makes You Cringe

2 Comments

Beautiful brunette woman thinking, tired, wondering if she's the one with commitment issues. — If it feels like too much pressure, you're in good company.

You’ve heard the advice about finding your passion, finding that big creative outlet.

You cringe as you think about how much you hate even the idea of painting, drawing, acting, dancing, writing.

All it feels like is pressure, and more pressure, and trying to measure up or compete with people who’ve been doing this for years, while you’re once again, coming in late.

Too late.

Don’t do this to yourself.

Instead, focus on the everyday little things that bring you joy, that give you a chance to do something just for you. Those things that make you feel good about yourself, that give you confidence in you, that give you that feeling of accomplishment.

Not for anyone else, but for you.

I've been there. I've done that. I've tried all those big things and came to the same conclusion most of you have intuitively come to even if no one ever confirmed it for you.Continue Reading

I Never Left With My Head Held High

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset — All I could feel was regret. Why couldn't I just have stayed silent again?

I never left with my head held high.

I never left after careful, well-thought-out consideration, knowing I had done the right thing.

No, that was never me.

I never wanted to leave. No matter what happened, I would do my part to keep the relationship going because love would conquer all.

I would have stayed until the end.Continue Reading

Wondering Why Clarity Matters? Here's Why

4 Comments

slender long-haired woman wearing white summer dress while walking on a green meadow towards a bright and sunny horizon. — The faster you go through this process, the more clarity you're going to have.

When you don't know exactly what you want, when you don't know exactly what you're worth, when you don't know exactly what you deserve, you get exactly that.

A little of this, a little of that, but never what you're actually looking for - and what you actually want - underneath it all.

When you say "I'll see what I like, I'll see what I want", that's when you get EVERYTHING because now you're going to need to narrow it down.

Because the reality is, you actually do have preferences. You actually do have behaviors you won't tolerate.

That's why you're getting the ones you do, because if you don't first have that inner clarity, you're going to get a chance to find it - and that's usually not what we want, but it's what we get because it's what we need.

Sorting through is this process we're in.

Will you accept this? No, then how about this? Still not right? Ok, what about this?

Where are those boundaries you've never allowed yourself to have? The faster you go through this process, the more clarity you're going to have to get to what you actually want!

I'm Heartbroken Over Someone Who's Still Pining for His Ex

15 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him. — Did I do the right thing letting him go?

Our letter today comes from one of our beautiful readers, Victoria. She's asking for some advice on the heartbreak she's experiencing over someone who's clearly still looking in the rear-view mirror for his ex. Her sister's about to be at her wits' end listening to her (haven't we all had family members like that!), so she's hoping to get some fresh advice on here.

This is her story ...

Hi Jane,

Thank you for your comments about unavailable men and us thinking they are with us when in fact they are somewhere else. I just wanted some unbiased advice as I think my sister will be fed up of me shortly and I'm on an emotional roller coaster often ending up in tears.

I have been divorced for a long time, found it difficult to get over my husband leaving so threw myself into guarding my heart to make sure it wasn't broken again and raising my child.

I was introduced by friends 8 months ago to a lovely man who I thought was perfect for me.Continue Reading

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Different Face, Same Story. When Will It Be Enough?

Confused and Upset and Just Want My Boyfriend Back. But is it me?

Here's her letter and what I had to say...

When "Find Your Passion" Makes You Cringe

Don’t do this to yourself.

I Never Left With My Head Held High

Wondering Why Clarity Matters? Here's Why

I'm Heartbroken Over Someone Who's Still Pining for His Ex

This is her story ...

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