We look around and we see so much of what our culture calls strength among our friends, our colleagues, our role models, almost everyone it seems. They let things roll off them, they don’t take everything so personally, they walk away without looking back.
They make everything look so much easier than the way it feels to us.
The way it feels to us.
It’s this part of us that gets the least amount of validation from the world around us and the people who are the least like us. In a world where success is evaluated by the measurable things that have nothing to do with our hearts, it’s no wonder we can feel so wrong, so misplaced, so counter to what we feel so otherwise pressured to be.
Add to the mix of all the cultural messages we’ve already received from the time we first appeared as little girls wearing our hearts on our sleeves, with the people we’ve allowed the closest access to our fragile self-esteem, and we have a clear picture of just how backwards we’ve got it to be.
These things, these very things we are, do have a place here in this world of ours.
It’s these qualities we possess, so opposite of what the world would tell us we should be, that are vital, essential to this world. We’re the ones who wake up first to something being wrong, we’re the ones who sense what's coming before anyone else. We’re the ones who feel the what no one yet can say.
The problem isn’t with who we are, or these beautiful strengths we’re so quick to dismiss and all but throw away.
The problem is when we carry on the pattern that’s become so ingrained in us of pretending we’re not who we are, of acting out roles that were never ours to play, let alone the ones we applied for.
We set ourselves up for disappointment and failure trying to show the world - and everyone we’ve ever felt the need to prove ourselves to – that we’re so much more than our feelings, our emotions, and everything else we are that we’ve been told we shouldn’t be.
I know you’ve got so much proof to the contrary.
So many people and places and things to reinforce this for you in the only way you’ve ever known this to be true for you. Every day, right there in front of you, it’s your reality.
Boyfriends who say you’re too emotional and leave. Parents who never had the capacity to deal with their own softer sides and found it easier to change you than work on themselves. And a schoolyard and work place where the ones who are soft find themselves stepped on in the climb to the top.
It’s no wonder you can’t see your strengths for what they are. They’ve only hurt you, let you down, taken the hope you used to have and shown you the reality of what they get you instead.
This is how you feel, and you can show me your proof by the scars on your heart.
But what if it’s only that you’ve been in the wrong places, playing the role of who you thought you could be instead of who you actually are? What if you could see yourself for who you are, for everything your beautiful softness brings to you, instead of what it takes away?
What if it’s only been that you’ve been hiding behind what seemed so safe in a different time and place, and now the real you, the who you actually are, is refusing to be suppressed or hidden anymore?
What if something deeper within you is nudging you away, giving you small glimpses of what could be, showing you a new kind of hope you would never have been ready to hear or see before?
You were made for this moment, Beautiful. Made for just such a time like this.
The more the world shows you of what you don’t ever want to be, the more a place and time is being made for you to reveal who you actually are!
Embrace your softness, embrace your beautiful sensitive self.
Wrap your arms around the part of you that wears your heart on a sleeve, that can no longer keep pretending you don’t while you struggle to keep holding back the tears.
There’s a whole world of people like you out there! A whole world of us who’ve been suppressed and convinced there’s no place for the feeler, the dreamer, the believer, the attuned one.
But there is!
We’re waking up, even as we struggle to stay in our safe places that have been all we’ve known. But when the hope of what still might be true for us becomes stronger than the fear of never finding anything more than what we’ve already known, we take that risk.
That's when we find our wings.
We fly, Beautiful. To places we’ve never known. With people we never imagined existed.
Can you take a little leap of faith? Can you try, just for even a day, to see this side of you as a strength instead of a weakness? Can you accept there’s a reason you were made this way? Can you embrace it instead of fighting it or excusing it away?
The next step won’t be far behind. The step when acceptance leads to a curiosity of why, and then gives you the courage to hold your head up high instead of hiding behind someone else’s image of what your life is supposed to be.
You can do this. I know you can.
And I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way.
How about you? What are you waking up to? So many of us are rediscovering parts of ourselves we never knew were so beautiful. Share your discoveries with us in the comments!
Yes, it is crazy --- absolutely insane! I find myself, time and time again, going it alone. When I reach out -- well...I get disappointed big time. Then, it's back to square one for me. It's a vicious cycle that irritates me to the point of being the loner I am so good at. To me it really is so very sad. Sad how others are so selfish to the point of hurting anyone in their path. There is no comprehension for me on any of that. How workers just don't care and would rather push the work off on someone else...when that someone else is their co-worker...someone they spend time with day in and day out --- someone that is part of their family in the work-sense. Unfortunately I see it every day. Co-workers trying to beat each other out --- trying to out score the other. For me, I never did that. I just created my own way of thinking. It started from a young age. I worked til I reached that higher level because it is what I envisioned for myself. I knew always deep inside that "I" could do anything I set my mind to. For a long time, it wasn't like that though. I went through years and years of people telling me I could not do this or I was not capable of that. I even had a husband that told me I had no brain cells. My family called me the shy little girl that did not have the guts to do anything. I had siblings that made fun of me. Classmates that made fun of me. Teachers that only scolded me and never really cared. And the list goes on. BUT...I came out of all that and I did end up with a few key people in my life that helped me make more of a difference in my life. Most of it came from within me though. I knew I could do it all along. Now, I am a ripe 57 year old single woman, defending my rights to be the person I am meant to be...every day. I know where the motivation has to come from. I know we come into this world alone...and we go out alone. I know that our journey is exactly that...it is what we make it. No matter who is there..it is up to our oneself. It's unfortunate the world and society have this negative impact on one's heart and soul. Most important though --- is that we learn that we can be the person we want to be. It can be a tough journey...but to me it is worth it. I know my worth, whether at work, or in my personal life. I have found peace and I am thankful for that. I do follow my own path and I pray and hope that every child will know they are worth it too. They do not have to be a product of their environment, as it is often the truth...instead --- they become "Who" they need to be. They defy the odds. It's what I know so well. God Speed! Lori
Beautiful, Lori. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, your story, your strength. I'm so honored you found your way here!
Hello I read an article of yours and I was wondering do couples argue alot and can you sometime see the meanest in a man? My guy says he loves me and he shows me that for a good three weeks to a month at a time and then it's arguing for us mostly about an issue that he brings up such as me not taking him to the hospital recently when he was in pain. I had asked him five times if he wanted me to take him. He said no. Then yelled At me later that night for not forcing him to go because he said he wasn't thinking straight and couldn't understand what I was saying. He said I should have been able to assess the situation and take him. Then he proceeded to tell me how I was like all the other women who had been in his life. He the scoffed at the idea of marrying me and he said I was selfish. He then said no one ever helped him out when he needed. He yelled at me for not washing the dishes during the time. We have had three arguments over the past three weekend that he started with me. He got mad because I didn't fix the kids cake and pie for the day after thanksgiving morning like I had said I was. I told him I was sleep. The argument was stupid and I asked him if he wanted my help. He said no because I worked too slow cleaning up the kitchen. Anyway after these little arguments that he started I told him I was leaving. This was night before last. As I was getting my stuff he just grabbed me and pushed me out the house. (We had. been planning to move together but during his rant he suggested I just keep my place) anyway I left but then he called me the following morning and asked for my help. I went to his house and he was on the floor with his hand cut. According to him he'd cut it on a rogue nail while climbing from the bathroom to his room. I helped him up and cleaned up the cut. Then I helped him until I left for work. He did apologize to me but blamed his attitude the other night on the pain. He also told me he loved me and all that. Normally I would be forgiving but this time I don't feel that great about being in the relationship. I feel as though I want to be on my own. I feel like I'm not the woman he need in his life. Like maybe he is too old for me I'm 33 and he is 65. I can't understand why I get treated good for a while and then he starts picking at me and acting as if he knows more than I do and why if I'm so bad of a mate he want to stay with me. I'm confused about what is and isn't and what I should be looking at.
Look at what's real, Brandy. Sift through all the other stuff to find real. It's usually buried under who you used to be before him. Find you, and you'll find real. And then all of this will become so clear.
Jane, what a beautiful & timely post. Thank you. I am immersed in a world where fame, superficiality & narcissism is rewarded. Where the "new borns" are revered as they tread on others to "climb to the top". As a sensitive empath who has been discarded time and time again your post is a beautiful reminder that there ARE people out there who value the attuned. Thanks Jane, your capacity to articulate so clearly & eloquently complex feelings & vulnerabilities is such a gift, YOU are a gift 🙂 Thank you.
It's maddening, isn't it? That we live in a world that rewards the corrupt, the immoral, the dishonest, etc.
It makes it extremely hard to find those who do care about integrity and who can truly care about us. That's why it's so important to strengthen ourselves and our cores by living a life that reflects our truth, regardless of finding those people or not. That's the biggest challenge we have as humans: to get to know ourselves, allow ourselves to be ever-evolving, and live a life that's full and satisfying for ourselves, even if that means going it alone for a while.
And it also makes it easier, Angel, because just like we stand out when we're clear on what we're standing out with, they stand out to. It's the learning to recognize each other part we've got to get better at - instead of covering up what we're so used to hiding, the more we show up as ourselves, the more we find the ones doing the same!
I'm so glad this resonated with you, Domonique. Thank you for your beautiful words. You share my heart! 🙂