Our beautiful friend, Crystal, knows that she should run from her relationship and never look back, but she still loves him and wants him to fight for their relationship to prove her wrong. She needs our help!
Here's her story:
Good morning Jane,
I need your help! I'm devastated!
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and at first things were fine when I first met him. We came across the, "have you ever been married" and the "do you have any kids" question - I told him no to both and he told me he had a daughter but that he never had been married.
About two months in he went missing for like 3 days and I began to get worried so my best friend said well look him up and see what you can find out because this doesn't seem right. So I did and low and behold I found out he was married!
I was crushed I was heartbroken!
I later got in touch with him that night and I questioned him about it and he continued to lie until I told him if he told me the truth we could work it out. He finally confessed that he had been married and that he was going through a tough divorce but he's getting one.
He began to say that he loved me and he wanted to be with me.
He promised that, that weekend we would go out of town on a much needed get away to work on our relationship and I agreed to it because I liked him a lot. We were supposed to leave that Saturday and then that Friday he called me and said that a family member had passed, so we couldn't go.
When we first met he told me that he was a regional manager so he would have to go on site sometimes where work was being done and he would be gone at the most 2 weeks and then he would come back home.
Well Jane, he was always gone and it became a long distance relationship that I didn't sign up for. He started being gone a lot and just recently I hadn't seen him in a little over a month.
His jobs were going slow and he switched companies a lot because he couldn't get along with the people he worked for so money got low and then I started sending him money because I wanted to show him I was there for him.
Well this past Saturday was his birthday but he said he would have to "work" so he came back Friday 10/10. Just so happen funds were really low for me after bills but I was going to buy him an outfit and some shoes for his b-day.
Well he called me back Friday and said, "You're not going to believe what happened...man I'm mad."
I asked what happened and he says, "Some transaction hit my account and wiped my account out so now I have no money." He then said, "You didn't buy me anything for my birthday yet did you?" I told him that I hadn't picked it up yet but that I would after I got off. He told me, "Good well don't, you don't get a man gifts he should spoil you with gifts...give you money," so I got dressed for us going out that night and I just didn't feel right Jane!
Usually I would go without and give my last for him because I did it in the past but something wasn't right. He took me on this drive to the north side because his friend told him about this movie dinner place.
Here's a side note: every time we go somewhere someone recommends we should go and which are normally expensive places he always complains about the food and he ends up eating and getting his meal for free so Friday it was no different except for it was much worse - he caused a scene and I was so embarrassed we couldn't watch the whole movie because the uproar he caused. He's lucky he didn't go to jail - his profanity was out of this world - he cursed and cursed and cursed and when we got back in my car he said, "So you not gonna say anything and they just talked to your man like that?"
I told him I was very embarrassed and in mid sentence he said, "Shut the f--- up and let me talk."
Jane I was so hurt and outdone that he had talked to me like this and on the way back to drop him off at some random building I picked him up at he told me he was sorry and that he loved me.
I still had this feeling that something wasn't right with him.
I drop him off at the building where his "homeboy" is supposed to pick him up at and I made a circle just to see. Well as soon as I turned the corner he power walks back into the building at 11 PM and when he enters he looks behind him to see if I saw him.
I just drove off he called me and I talked to him on my way home.
The next day for his birthday I never heard from him and it's not like I could call him because his friends phone number shows up no caller ID and he never gave me the number - how convenient.
Sunday morning I wake up crying because I know he didn't call me because maybe he was with someone else like his wife or some other girlfriend. He calls me Sunday around 5:40 pm and he kept calling until 9 because I wouldn't answer him.
My Mom and sister said that I should leave him alone because he is a gamer and that he doesn't care for me, so Sunday when he called at 9 I picked up and then he told me another family member passed and I definitely didn't believe him this time because almost every time he knows I'm mad someone dies.
Well because I didn't give him the response he wanted he said that he thought we should put our relationship on pause because he has a lot going on mentally and family wise. He said that he needs to be a better man for me so he wanted to get off the phone with me to "pray" and he'd call me back...he hasn't called me back..
I'm so hurt Jane because I know something isn't right but he made me feel Sunday before he said we should take a pause that somehow this was my fault...after he lied to me and I found out it was never the same because when he would be out of town I just felt like a man isn't going to stay away from a woman he loves this long.
I know I should run and never look back but I feel so weird and crazy for still loving him and wanting him to fight for our relationship and to prove me wrong.
What really hurts Jane is that he is supposed to "move" back to Houston on 10/17 and my birthday is 10/22 - how convenient does he put a pause in our relationship when it's time for us to be together for good and when my birthday is coming up?
I admit I complained about him not spending time with me but am I wrong for that? Should I have kept my mouth closed?
Please help me because I feel like a crazy woman on Lifetime movie network who I would normally yell at and say she was stupid.
Help me Jane! Help me!
Thank you,
Chrystal
My Response:
You answered this one yourself, Chrystal.
There's a reason you feel like a crazy woman on Lifetime movie network who you would normally yell at! It's because when it happens to us, when we see all the warning signs and refuse to see them for exactly that, when we have such a strong sense as you did so many times here that something "isn't right", it's so hard for us to see just how crazy it really is.
You're not stupid - you're just blinded by what you think is love.
And you're in good company - some of the most intelligent women in the world have been involved with men who were never right for them!
It's about the way you see yourself. And it's what you don't see about how you deserve to be treated. It's how you can't see that the fact that this man is essentially still married and that means he's just not available for you - at least not in the way you want him to be.
I know you have the most beautiful of intentions.
I know you have such a capacity to overlook, to excuse, to understand, to look past all the glaring red flags and warning signs that tell you everything you could possibly need to know about whether this man is someone you really want to be with.
I know you see so much more of his potential than the reality of what you have in front of you right now.
Here's the reality: he's still married, regardless of where he is in his divorce. And even if he wasn't, does he really have what you're looking for to offer you? When you look at what you're really looking for, what you know you deserve, does he have that? When you say you didn't sign up for the long distance relationship it turned into, what does that tell you about how little say you have in this?
How convenient is exactly the point, Chrystal. This isn't about your birthday, his "moving back" or anything else about you. This is about him and what's working for him.
Trust yourself - you know! When you say "something doesn't feel right", you know it doesn't feel right, because something isn't right.
You second guess yourself and question whether you had the right to complain about him not spending time with you, and then you wonder if you should have just kept your mouth shut, because you know something isn't right with not saying something, but you don't trust yourself to know because of how conflicted you feel.
Of course you're hurt, of course some of this "really hurts", because you can't be with this person without being hurt. It hurts that he turns the tables on you and is blaming you for what happened because you know in your heart of hearts it's not your fault.
It has to be put on you to get it off him. He knows what he's doing, he knows what he's getting for putting out so little in return. And he knows he can because you're letting him. He has no reason to do anything differently because this is working so well – you are working so well – for him.
What more does he need? Obviously, nothing.
That's the point of this, Chrystal. No one needs to tell you what to do here, because you already know. You just need to listen to your own instincts, to your own true voice that keeps trying to show you that something isn't right so that you'll listen to yourself and see what this is really about.
It's not about him, it's about you seeing this for yourself so clearly this time so that you don't have to go through this again. That's why people show up in our lives, to mirror what's really going on within ourselves.
Would that strong, confident version of yourself who's just biding her time waiting to be seen, allow herself to brush aside all these red flags, all these feelings of something not being right, just for the chance to be with someone like this? Would she accept such crumbs, tell herself the stories you're telling yourself to keep on keeping on with someone who treats you like this? Would she give her "last" to someone who would never give her his?
I know you know the answer, but before you answer, I want you to know it's OK. There's no shame in falling in love with all of your heart for the wrong man - like I said, this happens to the very best of us.
This is about real life - your life. The kind of life that comes with feelings, and beliefs, and self-esteem, and cultural programming. The kind of life that falls in love and falls hard.
But behind that person who can't see, who doesn't see, is a better life. It's a life that deserves to be held compassionately and lovingly and treated gently for only being able to see up to the light that she knows.
It is OK, because it's you - a real, live human being. A beautiful soul with feelings, and dreams, and hopes, and plans.
You're human, Chrystal. And as much as it may feel like it, you're not alone. No matter who we are on the outside, we're not so different in what we'll do for love, if we're willing to admit it to ourselves. What others see so clearly, we can rarely see ourselves when we're so enmeshed and caught up in our own unmet needs that we can't see beyond this chance to finally get what we so desperately long for – to be loved.
That's why we call it love even though it hurts. If it's what we're used to. If it's all that we think we deserve. It doesn't matter how intelligent our minds may be, if we hold such a gaping need within us, how can we possibly see?
Tread gently with yourself here. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to see. Yes, it's clear to me and to others who share an outside perspective, but it has to be clear to you, too.
You run, Chrystal, into your own arms, into your own life. No matter who you are or what you've been through, it doesn't have to be such a long road back to learning to love yourself and create a life that's worth living, with only the people in it that are right for you.
But it has to be the choice that you make, not one that anyone else can make for you.
It always seems so obvious to everyone but the one asking the questions. Do you have any advice or thoughts for our beautiful friend, Chrystal? Please share them with her in the comments!
Wow...I can't believe that some one has a big heart as you!
I meet a guy and he told me that he had so much money, and text me, call me never meet, he wanted to travel to see me , but had no money because his bank was frozen ...
I said I'm not in the hurry to see you, when ever you get your self together.
He said. Ok, 2 wks later he asked for 20 thousand dollars
I laugh , I said I never meet you. Hell NO, I'm not in that much need for love to pay for it, I know Woman's that do that to guys..
He is lucky to have... Me. I don't sent not even a dollar.I'm worth it!
I don't get it! Why woman's give money to guys, They have no pride ..called scammers
Thank you so much to every single woman that spoke to me and gave me encouragement! Jane I really appreciate you for everything you do for us and for all of the great wisdom and insight you share with us! I especially thank you because I was at my lowest when I sent you that email and for you to take out the time to read my story and help me through my pain and years means everything to me! I want to thank all of you strong women who responded to my story! I believe you guys are right I need to work on loving myself first! I never would have thought that I wouldn't love myself as much as I love someone else...that's pretty deep, deeper than I ever thought!
You're so welcome, Chrystal. I'm so glad you're able to see this so much more clearly now, through the eyes of so many who have the gift of an outside perspective. We all have our lowest points where we finally can no longer deny what's going on, where we reach out for help - and that's when the light can come in. Don't ever be ashamed of where you are or what you can't see; it's why we're never, ever meant to go through any of this alone, without someone to remind us of who we are and what we have to offer, especially when we can't see it on our own. Keep us posted; there's always someone who understands what you're going through, even if it feels you're all alone!
I have been with the same man fir 15yrs, Just a couple of years ago I lost my mother to brain cancer. After that I just felt so alone and really needed his support to make it through that hororable time in my life. He was not there for me at all. As amatter of fact he went to WI where is family is. They baby him. More and more he keeps going to WI and staying for weeks on end with out so much as even tellling me that he leaving or when he is coming back. He dosent even call me when he is up there.
I started to find receipts for hotels in the next town over from the one he stays at with family. When I confrorted him he claimed and always does that he is tired of sleeping on a couch and floor at his sisters house and so he does it so he can have a bed and also to get drunk. He drinks everyday.
But then he still comes back here and stays for awhile and pays my rent. To this day he is still doing this. What am I suppose to think or do?
Dee
Hello Everyone
I'm feeling very alone today so I'm writing here.
It seems all of my close relationships are in turmoil at the moment.
With a man who doesn't deserve my time.
A friend who keeps reaching out to me then disappears.
My kids who have been brainwashed by their father.
It's the one with my kids that hurts the most.
It leaves me feeling unworthy of real love and commitment.
I just need support and kind words to help me get through this day.
I'm the kind, caring, do for everyone else kind of person who has bad days. I understand it's about loving myself but as a Mother who regularly gets her heart broken because of my kids situation I find it really hard. They are my number one priority.
I'm just lost and alone. But I have my doggy.
any kind words and advice would be appreciated. Ask me anything.
I've used up all my resources when it comes to my family and friends.
Thank you for all being here sharing your stories.
Jennifer
Beautiful Jennifer,
Sending you a big hug. You are not alone. I can only imagine how sad you must feel. Allow yourself to be with yourself and feel all those emotions. Welcome them, feel them, observe them, feel how they feel in your body and listen to what they are trying to tell you. Hold yourself without judgement. You are allowed to feel. Low vibration emotions won't kill you. They want to teach you something and talk with you. Don't resist them. Lovingly listen and remind yourself that no matter what goes on outside, you are going to be fine and you are loved. Especially by yourself. Lots of love and hugs. Allow yourself to feel and answers will show up within love.
Thank you for your kind loving words Angel.
that is what you are.....an Angel
I will do my best.
I miss being a full-time Mom to my girls. They are growing up fast. My youngest is so confused she's 10 now. I am grateful that my girls can count on each other because sadly no matter what I do because their Dad makes it a competition of "who loves you more" they turn to each other. I am patient loving and kind and I will always be there for them no matter what.
God give me strength.......
You can't change what he says or doesn't say, Jennifer, but you can come from a place of love to your kids and be real with them in spite of what he does or says. Be yourself with them. Try not to think of him, but of them. I know it's not easy, but if you can leave him to be who he is even if you don't agree with is, and let your own self shine through with your love for them, they'll see that for themselves when they can. Shine instead of any of these people whose energy you're catching and are bringing you down. Oh how well I know it's not easy to do that when it feels so heavy and burdensome on you, but shake it off, keep giving that weight, that energy back to the ones who it comes from. You have enough to carry of your own, you don't need anything more of what anyone else gives off. You're worth so much more in your own right, just by being you, just by being true to yourself. That's all anyone can ever ask of you.
Hi Chrystal,
I do feel for you in this situation, but everybody is right love yourself enough to step away from him. He is immature and cannot handle a grown up relationship. A guy friend once sai to me, "if one of your friends were to treat you in this way, what would you do?" I replied I would drop them and get on with my life. He then said, "then why do you let this man, who you have only known for 6 months treat you like this Anna?" I truly think men have a different spin on things, we ladies tend to nurture too much. Take care of your needs first.
Kind thoughts
Anna
"A guy friend once said to me, "if one of your friends were to treat you in this way, what would you do?" I replied I would drop them and get on with my life. He then said, "then why do you let this man, who you have only known for 6 months treat you like this Anna?" - Great question, Anna. Thank you for sharing.
stop believing his lie.
I know it hurts I know ...I've been there
but I fight so hard to love & to choose myself first.
*pray.think in a logical and face the reality.pray*God loves you=]
I went through a similar situation last year. When I found the ugly truth out, I ran. I ran back into my job I had at that point. I ran back into my studies, back to prayers. I ran to my friends, some of whom I could not bear to tell the truth to. I hated to do that to them but eventually they figured it out and did not think worse of me for it. I'm glad I had the strength to run away. My instincts were right and I knew what I had to do. Always trust your instincts. They'll never lead you wrong. And when you do what is right and best for you, you'll find that you are much happier without what you thought you wanted. Find a new hobby, do something you've always dreamed of. Take a vacation. Read that book you've wanted to for ages. Join a yoga or dance class. Pray. Pray a lot. And trust that the right person is out there somewhere and when the time is right he will find you. Something I thought of after my situation: Become the woman you are meant to be, and the man you're meant to be with will become yours.
"And when you do what is right and best for you, you'll find that you are much happier without what you thought you wanted. Find a new hobby, do something you've always dreamed of. Take a vacation. Read that book you've wanted to for ages. Join a yoga or dance class. Pray. Pray a lot. And trust that the right person is out there somewhere and when the time is right he will find you." - Beautifully said, Kristin. Thank you so much for this.
I totally agree with Jennifer, you need understand that the right person would never leave you so abruptly and selfishly. You should ask yourself: Is he my only option in life? Do I deserve to be treated this way? Would I treat someone this way? And, if yes. Why would I treat someone this way? Chances are that if you are not into someong then you can act in this manner. I think you are more infatuated with him and a fantasy of him, and truly not seeing the real person he is showing you and the "real" situation - he is unavailable in every sense of the word. Emotionally unavailable, and physically unavailable to be in a full time relationship with you. If you are lonely, I get it. Stay busy with friends and family. Find a hobby, something you really love to do. Boost your self esteem with by learning a new trade, or new skill. Chances are you will find someone worth your time and with the same interests as you when you try these new things. Get out of the old habit of waiting around for him. I wish you the best of luck. ~ jessica
"I think you are more infatuated with him and a fantasy of him, and truly not seeing the real person he is showing you and the "real" situation - he is unavailable in every sense of the word." - The way we so often see him, whoever our own him happens to be, Jessica. Thank you for this.
He is immature and needs major therapy. Unfortunately people do not change unless they get a lot of help- and even then it's a crap shoot. I am going through something, not necessarily similar but it feels somewhat similar, and I don't know whether to stay or to go. I have been involved with someone for a couple of months now. We fight a lot, I feel like this person says sarcastic things to get their point across, so in that way it feels emotionally abusive. The person doesn't really take me on dates or anything. It feels like we're "hanging out" most of the time. Well I tried to end it with the person multiple times, or I'll get really quiet which always triggers the person. Now they say they don't know what they see for our future or what they want with me because they don't trust me to not leave. This person is getting out of a nasty break-up, and the person assures me that they don't want to be with their ex. However, they are talking about their ex all the time we are together. Finally that has gone down due to me getting really upset over it. However, the most recent thing is that the person is talking to their other ex who still wants to be with this person. This person says they have no interest in this ex, but is trying to maintain the friendship- and wants to commiserate about their most recent ex to this ex. This person couldn't understand why I was so upset over this. It feels like the person is not emotionally unavailable to me. Now the ex-ex got upset at this person for dating me. Now this person is on a trip with their parents. This trip was designed for this person to propose to their most recent ex. Now this person's mom keeps mentioning oh you could have proposed to your ex here or there, in order to make this person want to go to a sex and love addiction conference with the mom while on their trip. Anyways, it just feels like I'm being disrespected in this whole situation. I keep getting really upset. One part of me is understanding- and the other is angry. Being abused by my parents and neglected, I don't know what love really is (in reality). Any thoughts or advice?
It sounds complicated, Kylie. And it sounds like you know your own truth and your instincts are trying to tell you what you need to do to take care of you here, but you're not feeling heard or having your own feelings acknowledged by this person. Take a moment to ask yourself what you need here, what your instincts are trying to tell you, and do what you need to do to take care of you. She's doing what she needs to do for herself, you do what you need to do for you.
Hi Crystal. Yeah!I can feel you and how frustrating to be in such a confusing situatio.I just want to say to you we are all experiencing similar situations,one way the other,All I can to you dear is that leave this unhealthy emotional draining relationship,this guy is a two timer and he is palying you. He is not good for you just do me a favour leave this moron!
The fact that you are here seeking advice is the first step to loving yourself.
I remember a time I was on a dating site. I met this guy and we chatted all day leading to meeting that evening. I was flattered by all his attention. When we met we drank some wine and he was easy to talk to. He caught me off guard with a passionate kiss.
we said goodnight and agreed to dinner the next evening. We also had mutual friends so I found myself trusting him
the next morning I was on the dating site and there wss a message frm him asking why i was on the site after our date, then a few minutes later asking why I didn't reply.
I was a litlle baffled, why was he checking up on me, we'd o ly just met the day before.so I decided I'd ask him about it at dinner.
We texted during the day about dinner plans. Decided he would. Ome pi k me up.
since I had some reservations because of his message on the site I was receptive to his kissing me when he picked me up. He got sort of zngry and then I asked Bout the message and long story short he drove me back accusing me of goi g for a free dinner. After he dropped me off I decided "no more contact with him" he texted like 5 times desperate to get me to respo d. I never did. I also never told our mutual Friends about the nght.
my moral to the story isthat I saw the red flags and acted on them and it felt good.
Please love you first.
only you control how you react to the nastiness any person can try to inflict on us. So remember, it about them not you.
love and hugs
Jennifer
Good for you Jennifer!!
Crystal, Crystal, Crystal RUN & LET HIM GO!! I know it is easy said than done. make a list of pros and cons. Then make a decision. You are worth soooo much more than the crumbs this married, selfish, lying person is giving. You can have the WHOLE cake. Step back and reread your post. FORGIVE him and then FORGIVE yourself for allowing this behavior. You are WORTH so much more!! Once you close the door on this situation...another door will open...it might just be the right door (Mr. Right). Now you know what to look for and this situation will never happen again. This is the best book I found I've read for relationship issue beside the BIBLE, The Game of Life and How to play it by Florence Scovel Shinn. I with Portia....the money you had been giving away...take yourself on a trip and LIVE and LAUGH!!!
Thank you for sharing, RealDavis.
What we see again, and I say this in a most kind manner because it is what is wrong with me, is someone who is caught up in the romantic dream of this person...not the real person. If I am not wrong, Jane has been on message with this quite often.
I often look back and try to see things as perfect, as romantic, looking for where it went wrong and how it is my fault this perfect relationship that went down the drain. The rational person in me will kick in and counter that idealistic mindset, reminding me of her deceptions, lies and the cruelity in the way she talked about others and treated me.
As it is hard for me to not look back, I like the idea of countering that with also looking forward, meeting new people and new experiences. I am trying and although I will never again sit with someone I care about with a picnic and egg salad sandwiches and orange pop ever again, I have hope to get over this and maybe sit with someone and have a barbeque or watch the Steelers on a Sunday.
Chrystal, you can't see your future clearly right now, I bet. But for every moment you find yourself looking back, please allow yourself to daydream about your happy future. And spend time on this site. We have or are where you are right now.
Your perspective from such a real place always means so much, Wayne. Thank you.
Yikes! I've dated this sort of person before. They don't know what they want and they are super shady. I say think of it as a lesson learned to put in the books. These lessons make us that much stronger in all aspects of life. Just remember you are much better off without him!! Take all the money you are saving by not staying with him and take yourself on a nice trip 🙂
Thank you, Portia. They do!
Sweet Crystal, your intuition is always ALWAYS right. I doubt your body feels good around this man. He has got huge issues and HE has to deal with them and fix them. No woman on earth will be able to take care of those. I am absolutely sure you can get out of this. Just try, start thinking of yourself and do the most self loving thing you can do which is leave. It will only get worse if you stay. Set boundaries. Little by little you can do this. Ask yourself why you are even attracted to this kind of person. There's something deeper going on. You are a wonderful woman who deserves a wonderful man. Go find yourself. AWAY from this man! Big hug to you.
Thank you for this, Angel. There is always something deeper going on.
Unfortunately, all of us have been through this, but it does not make it any easier. We are all smart women that know when something is not right when it comes to other people relationships. We can see so clearly what they cannot I guess because we are not so tangle up with the person like they are that helps us see clearly. When it comes to our personal relationships it is harder because we want to be loved and sometimes there is a lot of insecurity there. We become the ones that are tangle and cannot see clearly what our friends and family can see that this person is not right for us and even through if we do see it something still tries to get that spilt second when they gave us a feeling that we cannot let go. It does not matter if all the other minutes, hours, weeks, months, and sometimes years were not good we still try to hold on to that spilt second that everything was okay forever. The first step is like Jane stated it is okay to feel these feelings it is okay to not understand at first why we do these things to ourselves, but the goal is to start to get to know yourself more and trust yourself rarely is your instincts off when you have a feeling something is not right with someone. Don't let that he was the wrong person determine your worth know your worth so they next guy will know it too! Good Luck 🙂
So true, Sophia. Thank you.
Dear crystal xxx huge hug to you xxxxx dearest girl xxx its going to be ok because you do have great instincts, and even though you hurt -you do know the truth... its not right for you. So you could write down what is right for you.... type in size 16 and print it out. Have it in your privare space . Read three times a day. Morning/ noon /night.
Write down your friends names , write down your interests and get busy. A steady pace of rebuilding your heart with good experiences are needed. You will have moments of pain hurt and doupt. However one day , your head heart and soul will click - and you will be in charge /in control. You will see clearly and feel clearly that he was / is a bad egg. You will naturally readily let go because you dont even like the guy. One step forward each day sweetheart xx
Moniclare I totally agree.
Work on loving yourself Chrystal. No one will love you the way you deserve to be loved until y.
ou love yourself first. Look to your closest confidants for help. Seek out your own interests. Get husy. The right one will come along and the wrong ones will be easier to spot in no time.
there is another blogger, a man, who gives a great male perspective. If Jane ok's it I'll reply to her post with his name.
I have started to enjoy dating men with no expectations. Just being true to myself and enjoying my alone time in my own company. Once you learn that life feels better. Don't fear being alone, embrace it. Fear is under your control. Start facing your fears and live fearlessly.
Love and hugs
Jennifer
Thank you for your words to Chrystal, Jennifer. So glad you're experiencing this new way of dating for yourself. And I don't mind your sharing what you're finding helpful as well at all. 🙂
The male blogger is Evan Marc Katz. He gives a great male perspective.
Thank you for being here for all of Jane as well as the other people who share positive advice and their own stories. I used to feel so alone. It's comforting knowing I'm not alone.
Jennifer
You're never alone, Jennifer. Whatever you're feeling, whatever you think you shouldn't be feeling - someone has been, or is right there, too.
Beautiful advice, Moniclare. Thank you.
o wow. What a mess. Girl I have been there. Not to that extent but I understand holding on to something that just isnt right for you and you knowing it. You have to be strong enough to let go and know you deserve better. Believe that you will be just fine without this man. Sweetie its ok to be single. Nothing wrong with that so don't hold on to this joker because you are scared to be alone. You may be alone for sometime but you can use that time to work on you and getting yourself to a place.
Thank you for these words to Chrystal, Princess.
Crystal my baby he is clearly not worth your tears their would be a man out their that will treat you like a queen. i know it's hard but you already know the answer to your question run, run, darling and dont turn back you have nothing to loose. if it's so easy for him to hurt his wife and kid who are you. he doesnt love you at all he is using you for your money and causal sex run you will knot regret i ran i feel damn good cause i have a man right know that treats me like his queen, you will find him even if it takes you years. i have been trough relationships and a brocken marriage and the man i have known for 16 years is my lover and i an sorry i have gone through all those pain and suffering so that i would know what it feels like to be special. Keep strongs girl......................
Thank you for sharing your own story here, Eustacia.
Sweetheart its clear that this man is not into you. He is a joke i mean really?? he has a lot of growing up to do. He is lying about everything, all married men always lie about one thing " m divorcing or my marriage is not working out" crap. save yourself trouble and run for your life, he is just a low life.
Thank you
Thank you, Babes.
The handwriting on the wall is very clear, he is not the right man for you, my deer crystal, he is married no doubt about that and not in anyway filing for divorce, he is just a goal digger. Pls quite with immediate effect and never regret it and flee away for your dear life.
Thank you.
Thank you for your perspective here, Angel.
chrystal, march to the bookstore or the library,and read any book that resonates with you on the relationship shelf. your gut instincts are here for good reason, this isnt love and it isnt healthy and you arent safe my dear! a couple informative books: ACT LIKE A LADY THINK LIKE A MAN by STEVE HARVEY.
THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP by PATRICIA EVANS or even
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE by DANIEL GOLEMAN LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by JAMES DOBSON
if you want to laugh thru your ordeal, get ITS CALLED S BREAK-UP BECAUSE ITS BROKEN!
you are not alone, lying is 100% unacceptable behavior ! and you are worth so so so much more! not another minute, tear, or penny does this guy get! the one for you is out there! please empower yourself and keep your healthy eyes peeled!
Thank you, KM, for your strength that comes through here for Chrystal.
Been through this myself. Kept going back and forth, forcing myself to meet new people, and what helped was knowing that I was looking forward at least as much as I was looking back, rather than just looking back. Also, there is hypnosis recordings to get over someone, not forget them, but untangle the beliefs and thoughts keeping it going when its not healthy. If you're open to that, there is a hypnotherapist in California who runs Healed Heart Hypnosis and does personalized hypnosis recordings specific for you for $55. To me, that is a deal of an investment since personal sessions can be at least $100. Another tool that I used was BodyTalk in conjunction with hypnosis, and trust me, I was stuck on the person as if something had taken over my brain. One person I know who does relationship oriented topics is Lyn Delmastro in Portland. Her groups are done by teleconference and only $35 for an hour with Q&A and homeplay. Her website is bodyinbalancenw dot com. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, and keep being in action to at least meet new people. It takes the edge off for sure.
Thank you, Jackie.
Chrystal------I feel so sad for you as you are experiencing emotional trauma. Unfortunately this man is crooked as hell and emotionally irresponsible. Please get out NOW. Please get yourself into counseling immediately for the help you need to be strong and care for yourself. Bee
Thank you, Bee.