I just revisited my hometown for the first time in over seven years. I haven’t been back since before my children were born, but the memories that came up for me brought it all back as if I had just been there yesterday.
The sights, the sounds, the scents, the feelings, the emotions. The memories of a different time and place – and a very different me. And a reminder of just how much everything changes.
I hardly recognized the little town where I grew up. It used to be way out there – a little suburban town far away from the big city. But now it’s become its own big city.
With so many new roads and bridges, new huge shopping centers and office buildings, even a new high-rise that’s the first of its kind there. Old houses that I remember have been torn down, and new apartment buildings and condominiums built in their place. And construction still going on everywhere.
I reflected on all these changes as we left to make our way through the long lines of traffic, through the never-ending construction, back to the place I now call home. And I realize that the emotions that I’m feeling are not just about the changes of a small hometown.
They’re about life in general.
About how everything changes. Whether we like it or not, everything eventually changes. For the good or for the bad, or just a neutral change, nevertheless, change happens.
In a strange way, I found this change to be comforting. Because I realized that no matter where we are right now, whatever our circumstances are, whatever relationship situation we’re in (or not in), we can always count on the fact that everything is changing.
And also in a strange way, we can look at it as we’re in control. Because we can choose to do what we want with that change. We can choose to accept the change into our lives, and change with it, or we can choose to see the change as being something that’s not right for us, and we can choose to do something different, to go down a different path.
But no matter what, we know that things will change, and that change will always point our lives in a new direction.
So if you’re feeling alone, waiting, hoping, looking for someone to share your life with, you can know that this isn’t the end. This isn’t how it will end up. Everything changes.
If you’re in a relationship that isn’t working for you, one you’re in the process of re-evaluating, maybe on the fence about staying or leaving, this isn’t the end either. Not how it ends up. Everything changes.
If you’ve just begun to go down a path and you’re not sure where you are or what you’ve got, know that everything changes. This isn’t all there is. This isn’t all you’ve got. This isn’t how you end up. Everything changes.
If I had realized this back when I was in the midst of my despair and struggle with being alone, or in one of the many relationships that never seemed to work out the way I wanted it to, life would have been so much easier. I would have saved myself so much anxiety. So much needless stress. To simply realize that everything changes.
My hope is that these words provide you with some comfort on the changing nature of life, of relationships, of your reality right now. Because whatever you’re going through, sometimes it’s in these simple reminders that we find some hope, some comfort, to put our hearts at ease.
So rest in this: tomorrow is a new day.
It’s never too late to start on a new and different path. It’s never too late to try something different. No matter how late it may seem. No matter how dire the situation appears.
Change is an inevitable part of life.
And it’s up to us to steer our lives through this sea of constant change, to get to where we know we need to be.
I'm at a point where I see that things are not gonna change. I've tried believe me I have, I have tried being confident, I've tried being myself totally, I've tried it all with my chin up and I have failed each and every time, they just reject me or play me for a while then discard me like trash.
Where I work every guy and gal have their office "wife" and "husband' with the exception of me of course. I am the Ugly Ursula in the corner.
When I go out with friends, there I would be strutting around thinking that I look so nice, I'm laughing and enjoying my friends company, at the end of the night I am the one who no one has bought a drink for, I am the one who has not been asked to dance or been offered a number.
I guess now the solution for me to is to devise some kind of coping mechanism, since I am out of ideas and maybe this is just my fate, that there is no one out there who is on the same page as me, who is compatible with me ot just simply likes me for me.
Sometimes, Milana, for reasons we don't understand, we come to a place where we have nothing left to hold onto. Where our dreams and our plans and the way we thought our lives were supposed to go, end up crashing like waves on the shore far away from ourselves and our lives. We only find evidence to further support how low we're feeling, and it seems like there's no change in sight.
I want you to know that you're not alone in feeling like this. When it seems like everyone else has what you want, when it feels like you've done and tried everything and all you've gotten back is confirmation that things are as bleak as you believe you are. As much as it feels like you've failed, that there's something wrong with you or with what you've done or what you've been doing, there's not. There's still so much more to come, Milana, but we can't always see that for ourselves. Sometimes what we've been through or how much we've tried to make things different leave us with nothing left for ourselves, and we're left unable to see the hope of that change that's still to come. That's when we need someone to take us by the hand and show us what we're missing, what we're not seeing for ourselves, what we're not able to see when we're in it. We need someone who can be our cheerleader, who can see with eyes the reality of what is, when we only see the reality through our tired eyes of what we can't bear to look at anymore.
Don't give up yet, Milana. I don't know what your story is, but in a different time and place I could have echoed your own words here. You are so much more than these words you're using to describe yourself. There is someone out there looking for exactly who you are who is on their own journey, too, as hard as that is to believe right now. All it takes is one, all it takes is you. We're going to get there together, my beautiful friend. One step, one new way of seeing, one tiny bit of faith in what is still to come, at a time. From this place of where you are right now, this is how it begins.
Thank you for your encouraging words and taking the time to reply. My story is that I have always been rejected... Last guy was like the fourth time. I have a friend now and well that seems to be going in the same direction, we spoke about it and he more less rejected me but told me he can't lose a friend like me... i've made so many attempts to let him go but each and every time I believe it is a selfish move. I know I have impacted on his life, I got him to go back to school, I got him a job and I got him to be more positive... how funny it is that I can help people see things positively, little do they know. I wish I could let him in on how I exactly feel about myself but I guess thats a no no, as they say guys only like confident girls.... which I am not really no matter how hard I try. Do you think its okay to develop a coping mechanism to deal with being single the rest of your life than rather sit and have hope that someone may like you?
Its not so much having someone right now, but as I said before when ever I go out with friends they get tonnes of looks, tonnes of comments and I never, it must mean that physically something is really wrong with me! I am chubby, I have been all my life, it is genetic and medical at the same time, but people never accept that, they always think the worst of plsu size people... and guys won't take the time of day to know that I am a nice person because they all go to the ones that are modelesque.
I am sure that they guy I spoke about is in it only because of what I can do for him, at least I know i helped someone live a better life,
Milana, You don't want to be with someone who is only capable of looking at a type of beauty that is on the surface. Who doesn't know what true beauty is, who isn't able to see all the beauty that comes from within. You deserve so much more than this! I don't think coping mechanisms ever serve our beautiful selves well; I think this, too, is something we settle for when we let our culture, the media, the narrowness of a world that we've allowed to suppress our true nature, to control us. Don't waste your time with someone who is only looking for something on the surface, Milana; because the type of love we're talking about here, the type of love you deserve is something so much greater than that.
You're not just here to help someone else have a better life; you're here to create your own passionate life. You're here to live your dreams, to follow your passions, to refuse to settle for anyone else's decision of what your life can look like or what you're truly capable of. It's in the living of the life that you want for yourself that you find that love that you're looking for, Milana.
Don't let anyone - or anything - tell you what you can or can't do. Don't give those guys who aren't there on your same page a second thought. And take all that energy and love that you pour out on everyone else on the one person who needs it more than all of them - you. This isn't about settling; it's about living. And you have every right to live out your life the way anyone else does - regardless of what you may believe they have that you don't. When you discover this for yourself, there's no limits to the life that's just waiting for you!