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Getting Over "The One"

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A beautiful woman is frazzled because she can't seem to get over a breakup.
It's been FOUR months and I still cry about him almost daily.

One of our beautiful readers, Kat, was in a wonderful long term relationship with a great guy, only to have it all fall apart as soon as she told him she was ready to take things to the next level - sound familiar?

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I am a big fan of your website and read your posts regularly. I am trying to follow your advice and move on from a man I thought was "the one", but I am having a very hard time.

We were introduced by a mutual friend. Initially I thought he was nice, but I wasn't really interested.

I went out on a couple dates with him and didn't feel much of a spark.Continue Reading

How I Knew My Husband Was Marriage Material

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It turns out all of these superficial things don't matter one bit as far as love is concerned. A bride and groom walk hand-in-hand after their wedding.

In the early years of my dating life, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and I was absolutely sure I was going to get it: a charming, great looking, well-built guy who dressed well, made plenty of money and drove me around to nice places in a nice car. He'd have been a bit of a bad boy in his not-so-distant past, but once he met me, he would fall so hard that he wouldn't so much as cast a glance at anything else in a skirt, forever treating me like the queen he could see I was.

Intent on this vision, I summarily rejected any guy who didn't measure up, whether it be the way he dressed, the car he drove or any other number of superficial reasons. After all, I was going for the fairytale; I didn't want to waste any time.

It took me too many years and too many rocky, failed relationships to finally figure out the problem is that it is a fairytale. It turns out all of these superficial things don't matter one bit as far as love is concerned. Fortunately, I finally figured this out before my real Prince Charming pulled up in his ten-year-old Jeep Wrangler to take me out on our first date.

Just a few years earlier, the sight of his car would have caused me to spend the first half-hour desperately trying to think of ways to end the date early. But for the first time in my life, I saw things differently. Continue reading on YourTango...

Are You Being Too Picky, Or Not Picky Enough?

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Are you being too picky, or not picky enough?

You may think you're refusing to settle, when in reality you're settling for less than what you really want.

I recently reconnected with a friend of mine from my single, dating days. Back then she and I were searching for Mr. Right together, and we spent a lot of time discussing the men we were dating and analyzing our various relationships.

This woman is beautiful, talented, funny, very hip and is a lot of fun to be around. She's now in her mid-forties.

She's also single.

Too picky?

It really got me thinking about the idea of being picky, and not settling for less than you want.

We both had our lists. Not necessarily written lists (although I had various versions of written lists over the years), but we always carried with us in our minds subconscious lists of our must haves that were the driving force behind deciding whether or not to get involved with a particular guy.  Continue Reading

The Absolute Best Place to Meet Mr. Right

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The stereotypical places to meet men are not always the best. A view of a strip of bars and restaurants.
The stereotypical places to meet men are not necessarily the best.

We've all read articles or heard about the supposedly great places to meet men – places like the gym, the supermarket, the dog park, and of course the age old meeting place, the bar.

In my dating days, if I saw one of these lists with something on there I hadn’t tried yet I immediately made plans to try it the next chance I got.

I remember when I first heard that the grocery store was a great place to meet men.

What did I do?

I headed for the grocery store. During the hours of 7-9 PM. Because that was when they (whoever that particular they authority happened to be at the time) said was the most likely time to meet single men in grocery stores.Continue Reading

The ONE THING You Need to Do to Find Mr. Right

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Beautiful woman snuggling with boyfriend on couch.
This is the one thing I wish I had done.

I have a few single girlfriends who are now in their late thirties and early forties that are always asking why they haven’t been able to find their Mr. Right. 

So I looked back at my own life to try to understand why it took me until I was over thirty to find him myself, after so many failed relationships, all which began with so much promise.

I realized that the single most important thing that I could have done that would have saved me so much time and heartbreak, the thing that I was missing all of those long, seemingly wasted years, is to have really known what I was looking for!

I know, it sounds so simple – you’re probably thinking “Of course I know what I’m looking for – a great guy!”

But what, exactly, does that mean?  Continue Reading

How NOT to Meet Mr. Right. (Part 1)

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Young smiling fireman firefighter in uniform in front of fire engine machine
He wasn't Mr. Right.

This is the story of Mike, the fire fighter.

And me.

And our relationship.

Now we all know there’s just something about a firefighter, right? The big strong hero, who lives to save people, and is coming to save us too. They’re special. And if they like us, then that must mean we’re really special. We’ve really been chosen.

Or so we think.

Or at least so I thought.

After all, it was the beach. Where better for fate to bring him and me together. Sand, surf, sun and all of the endless romantic possibilities they represent. Continue Reading

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