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Has your dream turned into a nightmare?

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A beautiful woman lies in bed next to her boyfriend, wondering what decision to make.
All these years I tried to make this relationship work.

Ever feel like your dream for your relationship has turned into a nightmare?

You're not alone.

One of my boyfriends bought me a book on dream interpretations because I had such vivid nightmares while we were dating. Little did he know they were about him! - and for a good reason. What my conscious mind couldn't bring myself to see, my subconscious mind couldn't NOT see.

I've heard the same from many of you in my working with you who've shared your own vivid dreams with me, so today I'm sharing Kelli's letter with you so you can feel another heart who relates to what you've been through. Here's what she wrote to me ...

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I decided to write to you because burning the bridge on a relationship is tough and I need support.

I did walk away finally and could see why I kept hanging on.

I do know that when a healthy relationship comes along it will be such a relief.

Wishing the old relationship had turned out differently is like hanging on to a cloud.Continue Reading

I KNEW all along

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Beautiful woman smiling at text on phone from her new boyfriend.
He was so excited about me, but then...

Ever look back and realize you were right - that you just KNEW how things were going to go with a new guy you were hoping you'd be wrong about? That's what Sarah wrote to me - I just KNEW, she said. Read on to hear what she told me.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I love your work. After reading it and trying to do my own work for many years, I've been trying to work on expanding my "ideal" version of a man.

With that in mind, I started talking to this guy online who was outside of the "ideal" but seemed very excited about me. From the get-go, though, I had some concerns - he lives 1-2 hours away, he's somewhat recently divorced, and he's had some family issues.

I was very mindful that these all might become issues.

In fact, after learning more about him over video and phone calls, I thought to myself: There's no way this guy can be ready for what I'm looking for, given everything that's going on! (even though that's not what he was telling me and my concerns hadn't actually yet played out to be true).Continue Reading

Should I Take Him Back?

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A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her.
Is there a chance he means it this time?

Beautiful Tania is wondering if she should take back her boyfriend of almost 9 years, or if he's just going to keep on doing the same things that have left her heartbroken in the past.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane

For the past 8 to 9 years I have been in a toxic relationship, yet I stay, as I can see the good in him.

Most women would've left and I myself would've left if I was a younger version of myself. I am unsure of what keeps me in it, it could be that after me leaving all of my previous relationships that I have now developed a belief that I need to try harder, combined with a fantasy of this guy while he was with his previous partner.

I saw him be so attentive to her and wanted that kind of relationship for myself.

He has 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy, to his previous relationship and I have 2 girls to my previous relationship. It all started good, as relationships usually do, and then he decided to over rule me and my decisions about whether my eldest was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car or not.Continue Reading

Which Little Girl Were You?

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A beautiful young woman is standing near the beach in a dress.
What if you were that other girl?

I talk a lot about programming on here and there's a reason why.

The way we've been brought up and conditioned to believe the things we accept as truth about ourselves, about men, about relationships, about what's normal in general, are all because of the way we've specifically been programmed.

It isn't your fault that you're only attracting a certain kind of man.

It isn't because there's something wrong with you that you can't seem to get over what's been fed to you as truth.

Come back with me to when you were just a young girl learning about the world.

Now imagine being that impressionable little girl entering puberty, trying to figure out for yourself what it means to be a woman in a world of men.

And then imagine being told by your mother that God made women to have curves and breasts solely for the pleasure of men. Imagine the way you view the world, men, and your role as a woman, through that lens!Continue Reading

Wondering Why Clarity Matters? Here's Why

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slender long-haired woman wearing white summer dress while walking on a green meadow towards a bright and sunny horizon.
The faster you go through this process, the more clarity you're going to have.

When you don't know exactly what you want, when you don't know exactly what you're worth, when you don't know exactly what you deserve, you get exactly that.

A little of this, a little of that, but never what you're actually looking for - and what you actually want - underneath it all.

When you say "I'll see what I like, I'll see what I want", that's when you get EVERYTHING because now you're going to need to narrow it down.

Because the reality is, you actually do have preferences. You actually do have behaviors you won't tolerate.

That's why you're getting the ones you do, because if you don't first have that inner clarity, you're going to get a chance to find it - and that's usually not what we want, but it's what we get because it's what we need.

Sorting through is this process we're in.

Will you accept this? No, then how about this? Still not right? Ok, what about this?

Where are those boundaries you've never allowed yourself to have? The faster you go through this process, the more clarity you're going to have to get to what you actually want!

Continue Reading

What No One Ever Tells You About Boundaries

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A white fence in a pasture representing boundaries in a relationship.
Boundaries. Here's why we need them.

Be a good little girl.

Be nice.

Mind your manners.

Take turns.

Share.

Put others first.

Don’t rock the boat.

Smile nicely.

Be polite.

You learned them all so well. Too well, I'll bet.

These weren’t just words to you. They defined you. You became such a good little girl, so cooperative, so nice to have around. So responsible, so predictable. So nice.Continue Reading

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