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You are here: Home / Archives for living your life

The Missing Piece

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This very important piece is like the last piece needed to complete the puzzle. A woman is holding the last piece of the puzzle.No matter how many times you've read or been told it's ultimately about loving yourself, about being confident, about remembering all that you are and all that you have to offer, there is still that part of you that just doesn't know what to do with that.

You read it, you get it, but how to get there from where you're at now is the part that's just not happening. You start by resolving to love yourself, to take better care of yourself, to start treating yourself like the beautiful woman you're being told you truly are, but nothing changes.

You don’t feel any different.

You're not attracting anything different. And you're beginning to wonder if there really is something wrong with you that you can't even master these simple steps. Why does everyone else seem to be able to do this, when you can't?

It all begins with a shift.

Of course you can't start loving loving yourself if you don't find anything loveable about yourself in the first place. Of course you can't start being confident when you're doubting your ability or worthiness to be loved by anyone who's worthy. Of course you can't remember all that you are and all that you have to offer if you don't believe you are all that in the first place.

But what you can do, what you can do right now, is shift your mindset. Stop looking at yourself the way you've always looked at yourself.

It's time to change our self-talk.

Instead of the negative self-talk, instead of looking at what's wrong with you, what about changing that and looking at all that's right with you? What about looking at all your positive qualities first, instead of all the negative press you usually give yourself? When you've lived thinking so little of yourself for so long, it's so easy to forget what's so great about you.

We're taught from such a young age that to think of ourselves this way - as great, as wonderful, as beautiful, as all that – is boastful, and selfish, and bad, and instead we're rewarded by putting ourselves last, everyone else first, by focusing on what we need to improve about ourselves. And what we really hear through all this is that there is inherently something wrong with us.

The truth is, there's nothing wrong with us. It's not about that at all. Instead, it's about rising above everything we've been led to believe about ourselves as being true, and starting a new belief system about ourselves. It's time to tear up those lists that say we need to be something different, when who we are is enough.

More than enough.

It's time to go beyond our list of self-improvements we've been told we need to make and realize we are OK just as we are. There are always things we can do to improve ourselves. There are always things we can do better or differently.

But the difference here is that when we look at ourselves in the light of how can we be our best selves, instead of the mindset of how can we fix what is wrong with us, there is a huge shift that takes place. One view only sees the negative that needs changing; the other sees a beautiful point from which to love ourselves and get to an even higher place of self-love and care.

One is about what we need to do to be accepted and loved outside of ourselves. The other is about how we can love ourselves and care for ourselves in such a way that we become everything our endless potential can see us being.

Do you see the difference? That missing piece, begins and ends with you. You cannot expect anyone else to do this for you. Remember that feeling you get when you're in love, when someone loves you back for you, that you finally have that feeling that you can do anything? That's what I'm talking about here.

You don't need to be loved by anyone outside of yourself to have that same feeling. That is the feeling that loving yourself and having that kind of self-respect and self-confidence brings into your life. You are not an impostor if you have it within yourself. You have simply discovered the secret that most people don't even realize has been right there within themselves all along.

You.

The real beautiful, confident, radiant, you!

What Do You Have to Say?

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What do you have to say? I know about him, I've heard all about him, but what about you? A beautiful woman is raising her hands in a field of tall grass feeling the sunshine.I've heard what he says, you've told me. But what I'm more interested in is: What do you say?

What do you like to do? Where do you like to go? What are your dreams? Your goals? What are you passionate about?

Who are YOU?

You can answer so many questions about him; you know everything about what he likes to do, what he enjoys, what makes him happy, what makes him tick. But I've heard enough about him.

I want to hear about you!

So tell me what makes you happy, what makes you tick, what gives you that joy of living. Tell me all about the things you can do, the talents and gifts you possess, the accomplishments you've had. Tell me all about the things you never knew were possible that you've made happen. The handicaps you've overcome. Tell me all about the things they said you'd never do that you showed them you could more than do. I want to hear all about it. Show me you and all that you are.

The real you.

Show me that strong woman underneath all that fear who can do anything she puts her mind to. Show me how you do it. Show me the strength that permeates through you when there's a cause you believe in. A cause you're standing up for. I want to see you at your best, focusing on you, reveling in all that you are and all that you have to offer.

I don't care about him.

I want to see you!

Is He Worth It?

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Is he really worth it? A beautiful woman is crying herself to sleep over her boyfriend wondering to herself if he's really worth it.I heard you crying yourself to sleep last night, you still haven't heard from him, but you're sure he’ll come around.

Is he worth it?

I heard you talking on the phone yesterday, saying he didn't come home last night, but you tell yourself he probably just had to work late again and stayed downtown with a friend.

Is he worth it?

I heard you turning down an invitation to a party tomorrow night, because he's working late again and you don't want to go alone, again. But you tell yourself it's only temporary, even though it never seems to end.

Is he worth it?

I saw your bedroom light on late last night; you can't sleep because he's supposed to be calling after he gets back from yet another night out with the guys. But he's done this so many times before, and you keep forgiving him.

Is he worth it?

I saw those tears begin to fall when you saw that couple running to meet each other at the airport. But he always tells you not to bother to come.

Is he worth it?

I heard your voice shake when you made yet another excuse for him while telling your friend that you still believe he'll change.

Is he worth it?

I see you, beautiful, looking into the darkness, wondering where he is and whatever happened to the two of you. Refusing to give up on the dream of him and you, yet wondering why you're the only one who seems to care.

Going through the emotional rollercoaster of the highs and lows of being in a relationship with someone like him.

You can't explain it; you love him so, no matter how he treats you, but you also know, deep down inside, that something isn't right. In your heart of hearts you know you deserve better than this, you know there's more to life than living like this, but he's got so much potential, so much of what you want, if only he would grow up.

If only he would realize how much he needs you. If only he would open his eyes to see all that you are and all that you have to offer him.

You've tried imagining life without him, you've tried to picture going it alone, again, you've tried to picture yourself finding that strength within to live the life you've dreamed of, but have found yourself stuffing into the background.

You're going to miss him too much, you say; it hurts too much to let him go. You need him. He's everything you've looking for in someone, if only he would commit to you. You're scared to let him go; he might be ready for that commitment just when you leave. You're scared to be without him. And scared to be with him, throwing your life away like this.

My question to you, my dear, beautiful friend, is this:

Is he worth it? Is he really worth it?

It's Not About Him, It's About You!

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It's not about him, it's about you. A beautiful woman is lying on the grass.We've all been there, asking ourselves and everyone who's still listening to us …Why is he doing this? Why is he behaving like that? Why is he treating me this way? What is he looking for? What does he want?

But what would happen if we could change this around to be about you instead of about him?

It would sound something like...Why am I putting up with him doing this? Why am I OK with him behaving like that? Why am I allowing him to treat me this way? What am I looking for? What do I really want?

Do you see the difference?  When we switch the focus from him to us, it changes everything. We're no longer so focused on him that we forget to focus on us. We're no longer looking at every little thing he does to get a glimpse into what's really going on with him that we miss putting the time and energy and focus where it needs to be - on ourselves!

If we spend all of our time focused on another person, regardless of who they are or what they mean to us, we simply don't have enough time and energy to put the focus back on ourselves where it really matters! How can we figure out what we really need if we're so busy paying attention to what he needs? How can we begin to truly know where we're coming from, what we're all about, if we spend so much time analyzing everything about him?  How can we possibly expect to attract something different into our lives if we are so busy figuring out what he finds attractive that we haven't even begun to explore why we find someone like him so attractive?

While we may sincerely want to know the why's of him, the reality is that it's all a distraction away from us. From doing the work on ourselves to figure out what's going on inside us. It's so much easier to focus on someone else than it is to put that same type of focus on ourselves. It's so much easier to look at what's wrong with him than at what we need to do differently ourselves. But if all we do is keep our focus on him, living our lives focusing on what it is this time yet another him is doing to us, we miss the whole point.

This isn't about him; it's about you!

And the only way to attract something different, to bring someone different into our lives, is to begin that journey to understand who we really are. So that understanding can lead to a confidence in all that we are and all that we have to offer someone who's truly worthy of receiving such a gift.

Beginning with shifting the focus back from him to you.  Beautiful, radiant, confident, YOU!

What If...

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What if you could know, deep down inside, that there was nothing wrong with you? A beautiful, thoughtful woman wonders why she feels there is something wrong with her.We hear so much about what we need to do differently, what we need to change about ourselves, and what we're doing wrong, that it's no wonder we’re often left thinking that there is just something wrong with us and we'll never figure out how to find true love with that special someone.

We've all seen the looks and heard the exasperated sounds from well-meaning friends who are so tired of hearing the same story from us all over again, leaving us to question our own sanity once again. Almost everyone who seems normal to us seems to get it.

They make it all look so easy.

And yet, when we try to take all the well-meaning advice and make it happen for ourselves, too, we never get the same results.

It can be a frustrating, seemingly never ending cycle, leaving in its wake a tired, beaten down, broken person inside with little self-esteem and confidence left.

It can be hard to see our beautiful, radiant, confident selves when we feel like we are nothing and have nothing to offer anyone, let alone the energy to work on ourselves.

What if there was absolutely nothing wrong with you?

What if you really got that there was nothing inherently wrong with you? What if the fact that you are attracting the same type of man over and over again was about the way you view yourself, rather than some fatal flaw that's just your destiny? What would your life look life, and how would you be living your life if you truly believed in your heart of hearts that there was nothing wrong with you? Because the reality is, there is nothing wrong with you.

You are not your past.

You are not your mother or your father or your sister or your grandmother or whoever else you might think you are just like. You are your own beautiful self, and with a little awareness of where you've been and a lot of acceptance of who you are, you have everything you need to begin anew.

To see that beautiful person of you. To see all that you have to offer and all that you are. To see what that special someone is just waiting to see if you would just see it for yourself first.

You see, if we see ourselves for who we truly are, with all our flaws along with all our attributes, the whole package we are, we would see that it wasn't about being right or wrong, or good or bad, or attractive or unattractive, or a catch, or someone only a mother could love. We would see that these are terms, labels and judgments that our culture puts on us. We're so immersed in it, that we don't see it and so our parents, our teachers and our peers all unknowingly further reinforce these judgments on us, not realizing how they are helping to perpetuate these patterns.

So how do we change this? How do we actually throw off the heaviness of this feeling that we are less than beautiful, less than radiant, less than confident, just less than in general?

It begins with a choice.

Choosing to take back control of our lives and who we really are. And the life we're living. To choose to live life to its fullest, embracing ourselves and all that we are and everywhere we've been and every thing we've been through in the process.

Choosing to accept ourselves by sending ourselves a different message of love and acceptance.

It's as simple as making a choice to stop beating ourselves up so much, stop being so hard on ourselves, and choosing to accept those very things we've been rejecting about ourselves.

If we need to make some changes, let's resolve to make them. But let's do it in love and acceptance not in self-hatred and impatience. Resolve to bring love and respect to ourselves where we've only known the opposite.

This isn't about anyone else; this is about you. And it's in that journey of finding your way back to that place of love within yourself that the beautiful, radiant light that's inside you will begin to shine through like a beacon in the night to attract that special someone.

That someone who's been looking for you all along.

5 Secrets to Staying Sane In a World of Couples

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Beautiful single woman is at a wedding celebrating with her friends who are all in relationships. 5 secrets to staying sane in a world of couples.Does it sometimes feel like everyone in the world is in a relationship except you? I've been there, and here are five secrets I learned along the way that will save your sanity!

I remember that feeling that would come over me when, as a single girl, I would get an invitation to a party or a wedding or another event where I knew there would be mostly couples in attendance.  As much as I would look on the positive side and think I might meet Mr. Right there (because that was always in the back of my  mind), the reality was my married friends would all have each other and I would once again feel like the fifth wheel I always seemed to be.

It always seemed to be little old single me amongst all the happy, smiling couples who seemed to have everything I was looking for. No matter how much I tried to feel ok by myself, that deep longing to be part of a couple never went away. Nor did the feeling that there was something wrong with me that made me wonder if I would ever figure out what it was I was supposed to do to be on the other side.  On that elusive couples side that always seemed to escape me.

No matter how much we may believe we are living in a different world today where it's more common than ever to be single or at least to marry much later in life, the reality is that it's almost impossible to forget that we are living in a couple's world.  From the numerous times you're asked if you're dating anyone, or why you're not married yet (or something else along those lines), to the special rates offered to couples everywhere from gyms to resorts to big box stores, the implied message is always the same – if you're not part of a couple, there's something wrong with you!

Or at least that was how I always felt.  For those of you who are able to ignore those messages and live your single lives to the fullest without feeling that way somewhere deep down inside, I admire you for being able to authentically be in that space amid such external pressure.  But for the rest of us, I've got a few things to share with you that I wish I had understood back when I was feeling so discontented being single when everyone else seemed to be with someone.

So what's a single gal to do in this couples world?  Plenty:

1.  Focus on YOU!

That's right – you. That beautiful person who looks back at you when you look in the mirror.  Take an inventory of everything you have in your life right now.  Look at the things you want to do, the places you want to visit, the experiences you want to have, and start making those things happen now; don't wait to start living until you've found someone to share your life with. Live your life like you've never lived it before.

2.  Remember that this is only temporary.

There are so many seasons in life.  This is only one of them.  Don't get so caught up in looking forward to the next seasons that you forget to enjoy the season that you're currently living in.  There will be positive and negative aspects to each period of your life; instead of looking at the future as being better than here, focus on what is great about right now.

3.  Give yourself a reality check about being part of a couple.

Spend some time with a married couple or a friend who's in a long term relationship to see the realities first hand for yourself.  Being a part of a couple is wonderful, but maintaining a healthy relationship is not without its challenges.  A reality check while being around them can give you a fresh perspective on some of the benefits of being single that you may not have realized in your quest to being part of a couple. This perspective can help to inspire you to enjoy your singlehood to the fullest.

4.  Ignore the cultural messages.

Remember that most of it is just programming and marketing, and the culture doesn't reflect what is going on in your life.  Hard to do, I know, but if you remind yourself of just how many single people there are out there, and especially how much money is made off of advertising that targets getting married, having a family and living happily ever after, it will help you see just how much of these cultural messages are actually part of big business, and not about your love life (or lack of one).

5.  Remember to breathe!

Go easy on yourself.  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Just because you've been where you've been and gone through your experiences doesn't mean you're set up to repeat the same patterns over and over again.  You can make changes; you can do things differently; you can stop repeating old patterns and you can (and will) attract someone different into your life as you begin to realize those baby steps towards changing those old patterns.

Remember, this is your time, your space, your season, your life.  Don't let someone else's idea of what it means to be happy take away from the joy of being you.

Radiant, beautiful, confident, currently single YOU!

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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