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One guy; really?

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Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
It's time to look at it for what it really is.

He's one guy.

I get that.

One really important guy you've pinned all your hopes and dreams on.

I get that, too.

But because one person isn't capable of seeing you, you're going to let that one person define your worth?

No! Not this time and not any other time either.

We're done doing that. We've done that too many times already.

Take him down off that pedestal right now, girl, and take a look at what you've actually got.

The real picture, not the fantasy of "but you don't know him like I do" that you keep coming back to. I DO know him like you do because guys like him are the ONLY ones I'd ever known before I finally did something about it and they all follow a familiar pattern.

Someone who breaks your heart over and over again.

Someone who triggers every one of your blind spots so you can't even see why it's happening. (Get my program WHY MEN PULL AWAY if you want to finally understand why.)

Sure, those good times feel great. Sure, he's got a ton of potential. But there's more to life than potential that breaks your heart every single day, more to life than tears and loneliness and waiting for something to change.

Whatever happened to the woman you used to be who would NEVER allow herself to be treated this way?

Love,

Jane

Whatever happened to her? We all have our stories, our reasons why we've settled for the things that we do. Share yours here in the comments so we can make her more than just a memory again. I want to bring you back to the woman you used to be who stands in her power and NEVER allows herself to be treated this way!

9 Ways to FINALLY Let Go and Move On

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Profile of a beautiful woman wondering if her guy will ever want a committed relationship.
I know I need to let go and move on, but I can't!

How do you let go and move on when you don’t really want to?

How do you stop caring when all you do is care?

Every day on my calls, this topic of letting go and moving on inevitably comes up in our conversations. Today I’m sharing with you what my beautiful clients have taught me about what works and what doesn’t from their first-hand experience of letting go and moving on when it’s the last thing you want to do, but the only thing left TO do.

1. Write down every last thing he did that broke your heart.

On your prettiest paper, with your most colorful pen, write down all the ways he made you feel awful, all the things he did that hurt you, and all the reasons you knew you’d have to eventually let him go.

You’re going to remember all the good things about someone much more than you’ll ever recall all those things that made you feel sad and anxious and hurt.

If you write down all the bad things, you’ll have a reference when all the good things come up and you’re tempted to once again give him the benefit of the doubt or excuse his behaviors if only he would take you back and you could try again with him.Continue Reading

Why he says "It’s going good just the way it is, let’s not mess with it."

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A beautiful woman is on a date with a man.
Hint: It's not because of you!

It feels so personal, doesn't it?

When he says "It’s going good just the way it is, let’s not mess with it", you just can't help it. You think it's because of you.

"I must not be enough", you tell yourself.

Or I must be too much. Or, in other words, "There must be something wrong with me that I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do and it's STILL not enough to get him to commit to me."

So let's clear this up right now before you go any further with why this is somehow your fault that you're stalled in the in-between zone.

It's  not because of you.

It's because of what any deeper of a commitment to you represents to him!Continue Reading

My Ex Has Moved On With Someone Else but He Says He Still Loves Me

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A beautiful woman leans against a tree wondering if he will ever want a committed relationship with her.
I still love him and he says he still loves me - I don't get it!

Our letter this week is a short one. In fact, it's a sentence. But in that one sentence, our beautiful reader Amy asks a question that's so relevant because of what it unearths. Read on to find out why ...

Her Question:

Why is it an ex that I still hold dear to my heart and love more than the sun, and to the moon and back, will message my friend that he still loves me but won't tell me, and is with someone else and moved with her to our planned future city to live in?

-Amy

My Response:

Why does anyone do what they do?

We have so many emotions that come up when it’s happening to us because when we’re in it, when it’s happening to us, we can’t see it with the objective detached view that we normally hold when it’s about someone else.Continue Reading

He's Everything I've Ever Wanted, but I Don't Feel the Spark

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A beautiful woman is thoughtful, wondering if she needs to feel the spark.
I just don't feel the butterflies that much.

Our letter this week comes from our beautiful reader, Kristina, who's found herself in a relationship with a guy who's checking off all kinds of boxes for her, but not the one's she's used to.

She's wondering where to go from here and I'm hoping my advice, along with your experience or thoughts on this ever-returning subject of "the Spark" will give her the clarity she's looking for.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have never done anything like this. I really hope to receive a response, or to at least receive some notification if you make a blog post. Regardless, if you are reading this, thank you for your time.

I have just read your post about the elusive spark and how you say that it is not something that matters because it goes away anyway. It was so incredibly helpful.

Additionally, reading all the comments and seeing how many women struggle with the same thing, made me feel much better too.Continue Reading

Breaking the Cycle

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Break the cycle words on rings in an endless patter to illustrate changing our programming about love.
It's time to change our subconscious programming.

There's a girl down the street who reminds me of someone I used to know. She’s barely a teenager and she’s already got the look.

The one that says "Pick me, pick me, please somebody pick me.  Make me feel of worth.  Make me feel like I’m something."

Make me feel like I matter.

Like I’m attractive. Beautiful. Worthy.

Make me feel like since you picked me I must be worth something. At least to somebody.

She's not the only one. She gets lost in the crowd there's so many of them.

She doesn’t know why she does what she does. She just knows it's what she's supposed to do. She puts herself out there like a showcase to be picked. Competing with all the others just like her, hoping it's her turn this time.Continue Reading

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