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My ex is confusing me

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A beautiful woman is holding her head in her hands wondering if her boyfriend who has commitment issues is just playing games or if he wants a committed relationship.
I just have no idea what to do.

Ever been confused by an ex? I know I don't even have to ask. More like who HASN'T been confused by an ex! Read on to hear what B wrote to me. I have a feeling you'll relate.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

Thanks so much for providing a safe space for me to share how I feel and get some advice!

My ex broke up with me about a month ago after dating for almost two years. We had a wonderful relationship, but like any relationship had a few ups and downs. He treated me so well and we had a lot of fun together, and the spark was undeniable. However, although I had told him I loved him, he had never said those words back. He made it clear that he felt the same way, but seemed scared to actually say it.

I felt completely blindsided when we broke up as I wasn’t expecting it. The breakup was respectful and calm, but the thing that confused me was that in the same breath as ending things he finally said the words “I love you.”

Since breaking up we have stayed in contact and even seen each other a couple of times. He has told me he doesn’t want to get back together but he wants to be friends. He will blow hot and cold over text and sometimes flirt and other times not reply for days.Continue Reading

Do you think there's any way I could get him back?

7 Comments

Beautiful woman sitting on the beach, sad because of her breakup, wants to get her boyfriend back.
He was the best boyfriend I've ever had.

That was Kate's question for me. And my answer to her is the same to you if you've ever asked this yourself.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I met my boyfriend online, and at first I wanted to be just friends and he wanted to be more than friends. Later I changed my mind and decided to go out with him.

We dated for about 1-1/2 months and he broke it off yesterday saying he didn't have romantic feelings for me and that he thought of me as a friend. I'm so shocked and heartbroken because I really really liked him and thought we'd be together for a while.

We don't have much in common and we don't really know each other so I thought maybe that might be the problem. I want to be friends with him but I really want to get back together with him.

He was the best boyfriend I have ever had and he's a really good guy.Continue Reading

How do I make him see I'm his one and only?

8 Comments

Beautiful brunette woman thinking, tired, wondering if she's the one with commitment issues.
I put so much into this relationship, but I don't want to pressure him.

Ever noticed that the men who complain the most about drama in their relationships are the ones who bring it on themselves and project it onto you?

This fits Cami's story perfectly. Read on as she shares her story, looking for some advice on what to do.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

My boyfriend and I have been together just over 2 years. We have had a little on and off again stuff. We are from the same small community and so his ex wife and I are familiar with each other (she was my teenage son and daughter’s 4th grade teacher and I played softball with her in the summers growing up).Continue Reading

How Do I Get Him Back?

4 Comments

A beautiful woman is on the phone flirting with a guy she is chasing.
The reality is, getting him back requires two things.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than the words coming from someone who fears they've lost the one person they've poured their heart and soul into and are looking for help to get them back.

It's heartbreaking because of what they're going through. And it's even more heartbreaking because the answer I have to share with them is rarely ever the simple one they were hoping to hear.

Because yes, you can get someone back. But it's not as simple as saying just the right words, or sending the perfect texts in just the right sequence or anything remotely similar to a formula.

No, the reality is, getting him back requires two things. One you have control over and one you don't.

Why am I telling you this? Because there's someone going through this right now, and it's her letter I'm sharing with you today.Continue Reading

But That's Not You, Is It?

14 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a beach looking sad because her ex has moved on.
You poured every part of your being into your relationship with him.

Years of walking through heartbreak, both my own and with you, have confirmed one very specific thing; we don't get over it, avoid it, or use strategies to keep it from affecting us.

We walk through it. We feel it.

All of it.

There are women who follow a practical "3-step guide" to getting over a guy and that’s all they need.

They get a new hairstyle.

They get a makeover.

They buy some new clothes.

Maybe they take a trip somewhere.

But that’s not you.

No, you feel everything.Continue Reading

The ONLY Way To Get Him Back

33 Comments

A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
I'm just not sure what to do...

Some women are clear that when it ends, it’s over. They don't try to get him back and they actually don’t even want him back.

They see things clearly enough to understand the reasons why it ended and they recognize that unless he's changed in some pretty clear ways, getting him back isn’t a viable option – or at least not one that would be beneficial.

But then there’s the rest of us.

We're the ones who don’t want anyone else. We don’t even want to look anywhere else but right where he is. We’re not over him, we’re not seeing this as clearly as our friends, family, and coworkers are (they're too busy breathing great sighs of relief at the news).

We want him back!Continue Reading

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