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Is Online Dating Helping or Hurting You?

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Beautiful woman sitting down checking her text messages using mobile phone.
Let me show you how to choose better.

Today I had a coaching session with a client going over profiles on a dating app.

I pointed out the things that I saw as obvious red flags or signs of incompatibility the way I usually do, but today something else occurred to me that may benefit you to understand, too.

Online dating is a great way to increase the number of perspective dating prospects in your life by the sheer number of how many more people are accessible to you than the usual meeting in real life, especially lately when real life has been so limited.

But there’s an important caveat to this.

You’re not meeting through mutual interests, you’re not meeting where you have a chance to see someone in their everyday life, or at least somewhere other than just as a profile on a screen.

My point is, you’ve only got a small snapshot to go on, so in that short time, it’s important to know how to use online dating apps to your advantage, not to your disadvantage.Continue Reading

Pick One Thing

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A beautiful woman walks down a path, representing different choices in her relationships.
There are so many different roads to the same place.

Anyone need a little hope today?

Because there's no feeling of hope when you're in the thick of it. Not when it feels like nothing is ever going to get better because you can't get past every little mistake you made, every wrong path, every choice you should have made so differently.

That's the only thing that's clear when you're here.

Every choice you made that you regret making because of where it led, every "mistake" you think you made, every thing you ever did that gave you a different outcome than the one you wanted that path to lead to, makes it's so hard to believe that it's BECAUSE of those things that you're going to get to a different place that's actually the place you want to be!

But that's exactly my point.

See, there are so many different roads to the same place. Pick one, any one.

Pick the one that makes the most sense to you right now. Or pick the one that your heart tells you to right now.Continue Reading

Why Didn't He Ask for a Second Date When It Seemed to Go So Well?

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A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship.
It seemed like it went really well - I don't get it!

One of my group coaching clients inspired this post (thank you - you know who you are!)

I mean, really, who of us hasn’t been on a great first date with a guy giving all the good vibes, thinking there are going to be so many more down the road, only to be left with that awkwardness when he doesn’t say anything at the end of the date?

All too familiar, right?

So let’s break that down. Why DOESN’T he make sure he’s on your calendar again before he says goodbye? Is it because he’s not interested? Did he not have as good a time as he seemed to? What’s really going on behind the scenes?

First of all, we’ve got a culture that has a whole lot of unwritten rules that influence our men in general, especially when it comes to planning next dates.Continue Reading

Should You Be Dating Multiple Men at the Same Time?

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Pretty woman standing and juggling with red balls representing dating multiple men at one time.
Afraid to juggle more than one guy at a time? Here’s why you should be afraid NOT to!

With every new relationship, we learn. Every time our hearts break, we learn.

I’ll never do that again, we say. I’ll make sure to do this instead. Sound familiar?

I used to think there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t NOT jump in with both feet whenever that intense chemistry kicked in. I used to wonder why I couldn’t be like other women who managed to keep their objectivity and take their time getting to know a new guy without putting all their eggs in one basket.

Because unlike them, I spent way, way too much of my time and energy waiting for him to call, to make plans with me for the weekend.  It was such an anxiety-provoking way to live waiting on him like this, and yet doing anything else - making plans with someone else -seemed like I would be showing him I wasn’t all that interested and he would lose interest in me.

Turns out, the opposite is true. This is now one of the things I would do so differently.Continue Reading

Before You Call, Text or Message Him...

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone, wondering if she should call him.
Make sure to do this BEFORE you do something you regret!

How do you say “you blew it!”?

How do you say “if only you had called me first!"

You don’t.

She already knows it.

I can assure her that he wasn’t the right one for her. I can try to convince her that someone who really was on the same page, wanted the same thing, was truly compatible with her, would have been able to overlook what she did or said.Continue Reading

Should I Initiate Contact?

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A woman looks at her phone while texting.
Here's how to know when you should (and shouldn't) initiate contact.

You’ve asked everyone you know, and even some you don’t. You’ve Googled it. You’ve read article after article to find your answer and still the answer seems to elude you. It either doesn’t sit right, isn’t you, or sounds too complicated.

There’s a reason you’re confused. It IS confusing!

You hear stories of women who made that initial contact and now they’re happily married! You hear of other women who never EVER initiated any contact, and now they’re happily married, too! Then there’s the in-between stories of the ones who initiated sometimes, and others who only initiated once in a while.

So here you are trying to figure out which one is right, which one is wrong, and which one is right for you, and it’s no wonder you’re finding yourself more confused than ever.Continue Reading

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