Hi Jane,

I started dating a great guy in February and my feelings for him had grown and he said he felt the same. Recently, we finally accepted the fact that we weren't good for each other.

I've realized that I'm not ready for a relationship, but we both said we could be friends. Maybe I just miss the comfort of having him around and being to call him or text him whenever I wanted to. I don't see him as much and barely talk to him. He was really easy to talk to and I viewed us as friends before a crush or a partner.

He's the kind of person that I'd rather have in my life as a friend than not have at all.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing... He asked if I wanted to meet up last weekend, which I did. I didn't feel an emotional connection. There was a physical one, but I don't know if we should pursue that. I don't know if I should text him whenever or ask him to meet up whenever I want to.

Are there rules to how this works? I'm really confused...

Thanks,

Chanel

My Response:

No rules, Chanel, just what works for you, what you can live with, what your own terms are, and what you need. You'll know by his response what part of what you want works for both of you. It doesn't have to be complicated.

Keep it simple.

But hold your own beautiful heart in a special place so that it doesn't get broken believing that this could be more than it is. If it could be, it will be.

But in the process of being friends, or trying to remain friends after a break up, sometimes we can be confused into accepting an arrangement or someone else's terms that doesn't serve you well. So keep your head, don't get more involved in a friendship than is comfortable for you.

There are other men out there and it will be different than it was with him with someone else.

Maybe find some other ways to get your needs met that make it easier to have some space if it starts to feel complicated - you'll know what that means if you find that happening.

It takes time to move on, and it's very hard to move on from someone if they're still very much a part of your life. Only you know what that looks like for you, but give yourself some time and space if it feels like that might be what you need. Times change, seasons change, your outlook will change, too, as time goes by and you find yourself focusing more on yourself and what kind of a beautiful life you want to create for yourself.

An ending like this can be a new beginning, a time to explore possibilities you hadn't thought of before, and give you a fresh new start to your life. Take what resonates with you here, Chanel, and sit with the rest. In time, if you listen to your own heart and be true to yourself, you'll know what the next steps are.

One step at a time. You'll get there.

Love,

Jane

What do you think Chanel should do? Tell us about it in the comments!