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Is it time for me to give up?

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A beautiful woman looking pensive holds a clock wondering if she is wasting her time with her boyfriend.
How long should I wait?

Is it? Rita's wondering if it might be. Read on to see what you think, and then let her know in the comments below.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I started seeing a guy a little over a year ago, we have both been divorced about two years, I was married for 18 years and he was for 17 years, we both have one child, that are about a year apart in age, we live in different cites, about 45 minutes apart.

When we first started dating after about two months, he broke it off because he said (famous words of all men) he wasn't ready for what he thought I wanted, a serious relationship. After about a month (I knew he would be back) he started calling me again, so we started dating again, we never talked about the "serious relationship" thing.

We have such a wonderful time together, although that time is very limited due to our schedules with our kids, maybe once a week sometimes once every two weeks. I know he enjoys being with me and when we do see one another, we do usually end up spending the night together and no we don't always have sex, but our sex life is awesome!Continue Reading

The Illogical Logic Behind Why We HAVE to Get Him to Commit

2 Comments

Word commitment written on a compass
Yes, I've struggled with this too.

I don’t want to just give you more of what hasn’t and still isn’t working for you.

I want this to be what finally breaks through to you in a way that I once needed something to break through for me.

Because even though I got out of it (like you will), it wasn't the way I wanted it to go at all. I would go on to repeat the same pattern over and over again for years.

Why?

Because just like you, I was looking for someone to commit to me, but  I was going about it all the wrong way.

Listening subconsciously to all those cultural messages that I couldn’t have seen at the time because I was too immersed in it, I didn't choose the ones who were actually ready for a commitment and actively looking for one; I picked the guy who wasn’t ready or at his very best, was confused about exactly what it was he wanted! The guy who I would have to make WANT to commit to me.

And then I put it all on myself to somehow defy his entire history to be the first woman in the world to finally make that happen. Sound familiar?Continue Reading

What Makes a Man Commit?

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man and woman holding hands symbolizing commitment
This is the most important piece.

What makes a man commit?

You’ve heard so many reasons.

Because he can’t resist you. Because you’re irresitable. Because you’re perfect.

But you know something? The most important piece of this has nothing to do with any of that, and everything to do with something YOU have control over. Here’s why.

Who you choose is so important here because if he’s compatible with someone else and not you, trying to become that other woman will only make you miserable in the end.

Because you aren’t her, and you don’t want to change to become her.Continue Reading

He Says He Wants to Marry Me, But Something Always Seems to Happen

16 Comments

A beautiful woman is sitting on the couch upset because she wants to be married and have children and her boyfriend does not want marriage.
I'm sick of it, but I really care for him...

This week, beautiful Kimberly writes to tell us about her (very) long term relationship with a man who just can't seem to commit to marriage with her.

Here's what she wrote:

I've been in a relationship for over 8 years. Well there's been a lot of stuff that has happened between us.

Today we aren't getting along at all. He lives with his mother and has a daughter who had kids. His daughter is 30 and the fathers of these kids will not have anything to do with the kids.

This guy has said he wants to marry me over the years and something always seem to happen to him that he won't marry me.

He acts like all he wants to do is be with his grandchildren and will make no time to build a relationship with us. There's nothing wrong with his daughter that she can't take care of her 2 kids but over the past 1.5 years we fight about this all the time.Continue Reading

This Will Make Him Want to Commit, But…

8 Comments

Man lies on the couch while his girlfriend is upset with him because he's emotionally unavailable.
It's only ever been this.

 

There’s a question you have to ask yourself before you stay one more day in a relationship waiting for a man who isn’t committing to you.

I know why you’re waiting. I know you see enough good in him, enough potential in him to make him worth the wait.

But you’re not doing yourself any favors and wasting a whole lot of your life and time right now if you can’t answer this with anything but a definitive “yes”.

If he NEVER changes, do you still want him?Continue Reading

The Truth About Why He Can’t Commit

11 Comments

A beautiful woman is hugging her boyfriend, wondering why he's getting emotionally distant.
He honestly doesn’t know why he can't commit to you – but you do!

He tells you he can’t commit. That he just isn’t commitment material.

He tells you he doesn’t know why, but he’s never been able to commit before.

He doesn’t believe it has anything to do with him. He's not sure, but he thinks it’s because he hasn’t found the right woman yet.

Okay, let’s break this down.

What happens to you when you hear something like that? That he just hasn’t found the right woman yet.

Yep. We spring up, ready to take action and rise to the challenge.Continue Reading

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