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An Open Letter to The Women Who Posted "Can't I Even Unpack One box?"

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Beautiful woman sitting on floor surrounded by moving boxes face in her hands crying.
"Can't I even unpack one box?"

To the woman who posted that she thought she was a failure because her therapist is frustrated she can't do the "seemingly innocuous thing that most people have no trouble doing, but that represents lots of trauma to her."

It involved unpacking boxes, she said. "Can't I even unpack one box?"

Girl, there’s nothing wrong with you!

I work with women just like this all the time who were “bad” at therapy, who didn’t get anywhere in their counseling, who have nothing to show for all their years of working on themselves!

There’s nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with your counselor, it’s just we all learn and grow and have our shifts in different ways.

Just like so many of us concluded that we were “bad” at math.

It’s not that there’s some inherent math deficiency in us; it’s that we now know that we don’t all learn the same way! They didn't know that back then, when it was an old, intimidating male teacher repeating the same lesson at our desks that he’d just said up at the board - but this time ending with the ominous question, "You can see that now, right?"

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Someone To Believe In You

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woman laughing while a friend is kissing her representing someone to believe in you.
The truth is we just can't do this on our own.

We’re not meant to do this alone.

You’re not meant to.

And yet contrary to our inner knowing that knows this to be true, we try. Again and again, we try. We’ve put on ourselves that we can do this alone. That it’s a sign of strength, a show of our power, to make it on our own.

I fall into this trap, too.

I think I can do it on my own, that I don’t need anyone else. But the truth – the real truth, not the truth we want it to be – always comes out in the end.

We never should have met. She was a Junior, I was a Freshman. In a University that neither of us intended to attend.

She had envisioned a college in the woods. I had never in my wildest dreams imagined myself in an entirely different country, in Los Angeles, California.

But it was there that we met.Continue Reading

This Is All For You

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This is all for you. A beautiful lone flower sits in a garden.I have been receiving such special emails from so many of you. Some of you are just saying hello and letting me know you're out there enjoying my blog posts, others of you writing for some advice and support for what you're going through, and still others with such kind words that you bring me to tears!

With each and every email or comment I get I feel even more inspired to bring you that support, that empowerment and love that is so often missing when you're on this journey of learning to love yourself and learning how to attract and recognize that true love we're all looking for. It is the very core of our being to be loved, to be held in love, to be with someone who loves us just as we are, and to have someone to love with all the love in our hearts; someone truly worthy of our loving, giving selves.

All too often we get lost along the way, and find ourselves like a ship without a light, trying to navigate stormy, dark waters without any help in sight. Then, when it seems all hope is lost and we have no resources remaining, we find the strength somewhere deep within to bring ourselves out of such circumstances and we find we have everything we need to bring ourselves back to shore, back to the light of ourselves that turns out to be right inside us. It was there all along. We just needed that beacon, that light, that inspirational word to remind us of all that we are and all that we have already.

We've just forgotten.

I know just how dark that place can be at times. And I know that without support, without someone cheering you on, being there for you, it can be so hard to see what is really true.

And that's why I'm here.

With every email and comment that you write, I hear what you're going through. My heart goes out to each and every one of you as I know that regardless of our individual circumstances, we all share that need to be supported and reminded of everything we forget in those dark places in time.

I was thinking about the words I see in your emails, and I see so many of them over and over again. Words like "being ok with him not calling", "getting over the love of my life", "how can I go on", "how long does it take to get over someone" and on and on. Behind your words, I see you, that special person inside that has so much to offer, so much love to give, and yet is so often settling for so much less than you deserve, all in the name of something that feels like love, but so often is just the opposite. The sounds of a heart breaking, of soft tears falling are barely audible in all the noise all around us, but I hear them. And I feel what you're going through behind those sounds.

So, right now, whatever you're going through, I would invite you to let me know how I can help you. What are you struggling with?  What do you need?  How can I help? What can I do to help you learn to love that beautiful woman that is you?

It is because of each one of you that I am here. I'm here for each one of you through these rough times until you, too, sit on the other side and reflect back with me on how this journey has all been worth it in the end.

Stop Being So Hard on Yourself!

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Don't be so hard on yourself.
Be gentle with yourself.

There’s one thing we women do better than anything else - we beat ourselves up.

It doesn’t matter how far we’ve come or what we’ve learned along the way, no one else is harder on us than we are.

We know all too well exactly what we should have done, could have done, would have done differently, and we’re so good at letting ourselves know just exactly how far we’ve fallen short of the mark.

We blame ourselves.

It doesn’t seem to matter what he’s done; we have so much grace for him, all too much understanding for him, and every possible excuse ready for his behavior that deserves just as much if not more of a critique than we give ourselves.

But if it’s him and what he’s done or didn’t do, we’ll forgive him. And understand and even sympathize with him. Continue Reading

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