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He took everything I had. How do I live?

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Cute house on a hill in the countryside.
He took everything, my home, my savings, my future.

There are letters that I can't shake, that I want to reach through the Internet and wrap my arms around these precious souls that have given so much of themselves to someone so incapable of giving them anything back in return. Lis's was one of those and I share her letter here with you so she can feel the love and support of this community of women who've been through something like this, too.

Her story:

We were in a relationship for 9 months.

He knew my life intimately as we had always spoken openly. We were best friends, he was thoughtful considerate and kind and gradually over months I started to trust.Continue Reading

I was once that girl, too.

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A woman is upset, with her head in her hands, because her boyfriend says he wants a break.
I wish someone had told me this.

I was once that girl with a traumatized heart and soul, with the harshest lessons learned about love and sex and life. I feel your pain, every part of it that you're going through.

I was once that girl, too.

But I know something more from going it through it than I could ever have known then. There's so much more for you in spite of - and even because of - what you've been through.

So I say to you what I wish someone could have said to me back when I walked in similar shoes.

Love hasn't left you behind.

Love hasn't forgotten about you.

You did the best you could with what you knew. Continue Reading

There's what HE SHOULD be doing & then there's what YOU can live with NOT doing

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Closeup of a beautiful woman is looking sad becasue her boyfriend has disappeared on her and she wants closure.
Because living with regret is much worse.

You already know he should be the one reaching out. And yeah, you shouldn't have to be the bigger person here. But we're not talking about hypotheticals here; we're talking about you.

And if it's your heart that's breaking and you're the only one who's capable of feeling anything, this is your window to do something about it.

He'll move on. He'll find someone else who accepts him just as he is even as she's nothing like you and never will be.

I've seen this play out too many times.

But we're not talking about him here, we're talking about you. You're the one who has to live with your regrets, not your friends telling you to dump him, that you deserve so much more than what you're putting up with.

I tell you that!Continue Reading

Can't Let Go? Do This Instead

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on.
I know I need to let go, but I just can't.

She said she can’t let go. She needs him to let her go instead because she’s not strong enough to do it.

Okay, so I hear her and I hear all of her echoing where you are and what you feel. The pull you feel is too strong. The good stuff you get from this guy is too good and the bad stuff, while it breaks your heart, well, you can justify it as long as you keep focusing on the good parts.

So here’s what you need to hear today if you’re going to change this. Because no, he's not going to change this. He's not going to be the one to let you go if he hasn't already.

Why would he? Girl, he's got it soooo good with you!

Do this instead.Continue Reading

You know that relationship that broke your heart? Yeah, that one ...

8 Comments

Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
This is the one that made that difference.

Don't you dare discount this relationship that didn't work out, that broke your heart as having happened for no reason at all.

It may not have turned out the way you hoped it would be. It might not have lived up to its potential that only you could see.

But girl, it wasn't nothing.

Don't ever discount each and every one of the relationships and experiences you've gone through as nothing. That has the effect of making you feel like nothing is happening behind the scenes for you.

That's NOT what's going on. Even if you can't see anything happening yet, that's still not what's going on.

Here's why I'm bringing this up right now. See, this woman I've been coaching for awhile now has been through just about everything. Every type of guy, especially the "so much potential" kind.Continue Reading

He Was Super Into Me, Now He Says He Doesn't Want a Relationship

5 Comments

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.
And now I think he's with another woman!

Have you ever had a guy tell you how amazing you are, only to leave you brokenhearted? You're not alone. Beautiful Shaye shares her experience with a certain type of guy I think most of us have run into at least once.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I’m 21, and consider myself very different. I graduated in 2.5 years with a chemistry degree, I’m headed to med school, I don’t drink.

Well I met a guy at the end of March on Bumble, who acted completely in awe of me every. single. day. He told me he had been in a bad wreck and it completely changed his mentality, and was glad I didn’t know who he was before the accident.

I was hoping he was different than other college guys.

I was a bit uncomfortable with his new frat, and sometimes the drinking. He said I completed him and I was all he ever wanted. Seems pretty soon to say that, but okay.Continue Reading

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