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Yes, You Have One Too.

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A beautiful woman sits on a beach thinking about her absentee boyfriend, wondering why she loves him so much.
You won't know where it is until it's been crossed.

You have a line.

We all do.

I don't know where yours is, but somewhere along the way, you'll find it.

It hasn't been crossed yet or you would know, because something would be different. Nothing would be the same.

It wakes us up. It brings our excuses to a halt. It brings out a side of us we've never known before.

It's your boundary. Your line in the sand. The one thing you won't stand for.

You won't know you have it until it's so clearly right there in front of you.

And then, even if you don't think you have the strength or resolve to stand, you will. Even if the conscious part of you can't do it, your subconscious will.Continue Reading

HELP!!! My narcissist ex bought the house next to mine!

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A woman is holding her head, exasperated, wondering why he wants to slow things down.
Avoiding him will be almost impossible!

Whenever I see a letter with capital letters and exclamation marks, I know this is a woman who desperately needs our help. Not just my help, but our whole community here. And that's exactly what I found in the email that landed in my inbox from Stacey.

Here's what she wrote:

HELP!!!

How am I supposed to deal with the emotions that I'm feeling now that I've finally ended my relationship of 6 years with a narcissist and he's bought the house right next door to mine?

NO contact is almost impossible.

I'm desperate for advice.

- StaceyContinue Reading

Should I Take Him Back?

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A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her.
Is there a chance he means it this time?

Beautiful Tania is wondering if she should take back her boyfriend of almost 9 years, or if he's just going to keep on doing the same things that have left her heartbroken in the past.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane

For the past 8 to 9 years I have been in a toxic relationship, yet I stay, as I can see the good in him.

Most women would've left and I myself would've left if I was a younger version of myself. I am unsure of what keeps me in it, it could be that after me leaving all of my previous relationships that I have now developed a belief that I need to try harder, combined with a fantasy of this guy while he was with his previous partner.

I saw him be so attentive to her and wanted that kind of relationship for myself.

He has 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy, to his previous relationship and I have 2 girls to my previous relationship. It all started good, as relationships usually do, and then he decided to over rule me and my decisions about whether my eldest was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car or not.Continue Reading

Which Little Girl Were You?

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A beautiful young woman is standing near the beach in a dress.
What if you were that other girl?

I talk a lot about programming on here and there's a reason why.

The way we've been brought up and conditioned to believe the things we accept as truth about ourselves, about men, about relationships, about what's normal in general, are all because of the way we've specifically been programmed.

It isn't your fault that you're only attracting a certain kind of man.

It isn't because there's something wrong with you that you can't seem to get over what's been fed to you as truth.

Come back with me to when you were just a young girl learning about the world.

Now imagine being that impressionable little girl entering puberty, trying to figure out for yourself what it means to be a woman in a world of men.

And then imagine being told by your mother that God made women to have curves and breasts solely for the pleasure of men. Imagine the way you view the world, men, and your role as a woman, through that lens!Continue Reading

The Problem with "Broken"

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Woman looking into a broken mirror representing her low self-esteem.
It does more damage than all our other programming combined.

There's a single word for what we've been told about ourselves that does more damage than all our other programming combined.

Amongst all the stories we've been told about who we are, where we've come from, and why we can never trust ourselves more than we can trust someone else who always knows better than we do, it's the story that tells us we're broken, that we've always been broken and we need someone or something outside of us to save us from ourselves.

Sound familiar?

The problem is that when we've accepted this as our own story for so long, we stop questioning it. And even worse, we forget we even have the right to. And we don't even see that there is a problem.

See, when you've been told you're broken, when you've been told you have to go to some being outside yourself to ask for forgiveness for the simple act of being human, you're going to have a hard time believing you're not.Continue Reading

When He Goes Radio Silent ... What Do I Do?

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Lonely sad beautiful woman feeling hurt and heartbroken holding phone because boyfriend has gone radio silent
He's giving me the silent treatment and it's so painful.

Ever encountered radio silence before? The silent treatment kind. The worst kind, right?

Well, our letter this week comes from Cecilia who's in the midst of a radio silent phase with her boyfriend of five years.Here's what she had to say and my response. Unfortunately, I'm sure many of you can relate.

Dear Jane,

I need some advice.

My boyfriend of 5 years is giving me the silent treatment and it’s so painful. Given how long we have been together, I cannot believe he would just go radio silent after an argument we had a few days ago.

He won’t tell me if he needs more time or if this is just over. I go between feeling heartbroken and just so angry.Continue Reading

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