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That First Step

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You don't need to settle like this. You do have worth. You don't have to prove your worthiness to receive love. It's not in everyone else except you; it's all there, in you! A beautiful woman is taking that first adventurous step across the water into the unknown.You know you don't want to settle anymore. You know it's time to start focusing on what you really want, and deserve, and to start making this about you and not about any him.

But even as you know all this, even as you know in your head so clearly what you need to do, the reality is your beautiful heart, the heart that knows how to give so much better than how to receive, doesn't even know where to begin. Or if it really even wants to begin.

So you stay.

Or you think about making changes, but you don't know where to begin, so you stay right where you are because if feels comfortable. Giving yourself away, even if it doesn't serve you and all that you are very well. At least it's what you're used to.

At least it's predictable. Even if it's unpredictable, at least it's predictably unpredictable.

But sometimes, you get a glimpse. Just a small one, but still some glimpse that there might be something more out there for you. Something better, something more on an equal level, something that might be a whole lot closer to what you know deep down in that beautiful heart of yours you really deserve. But then that fear comes again. That familiar fear that keeps you staying right where you are, settling for less than you know you deserve because, after all, the fear of the unknown always seems so much worse than the less than ideal reality of what you're living now. And besides, most of the time, you manage to convince yourself it really isn't that bad, it could be worse, and besides it's so much better than being alone. Continue Reading

Having Trouble Getting Over a Break Up? Why It's Time to Finally Move On

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Woman upset, having trouble getting over a breakup
It's just holding you back.

You knew it would be hard getting over him, but you never realized just how hard this was going to be. Whether he ended it, or you, the reality is you didn't want it to end.

All you ever wanted was it to work out, but in the end, you realized it would take more than just you making that happen.

So here you are, trying to accept the reality of what is and move on, but that deep sadness and longing for what could have been lingers on, leaving you wondering if you'll ever get over him.

Getting over a recent (or worse, a not so recent) break up can be one of the most difficult things in life to do, and for good reason.

It makes sense – your life was intertwined with this person and you opened and shared your delicate heart with him, making yourself vulnerable to your worst fear – having that heart crushed and broken into a million little pieces.

And facing the reality of starting over, alone.

While it may feel like the only thing that you can bring yourself to do is continue to hold out hope that someday you'll wake up and find out that it was really just a bad dream, the reality is that the sooner you can bring yourself to move on, the better.

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You Are That Strong!

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A woman is demonstrating her strength in the punching position.
Yes, you really are!

I came across one of my favorite playlists in one of my long-forgotten files today, and one of the titles caught my eye. It was Taylor Swift's We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. I found it again online and began listening to the lyrics and it all came back to me. There was a reason I loved this song!

Isn't that what we all want to be able to do? Don't we all want to be able to stand up so strong, so confident in ourselves and what we know we deserve, and say these words to that guy, the one who took us for a ride, the one who played our hearts?!

We want permission, we want to be given the right to say something that strong. We want to have that same resolve. That same type of confidence.

Because as much as we want to say this to him, we're scared to. Scared that he might be the one, and we let him go. Scared that there's no one else coming around. Scared that he just might  be our last chance.

We're scared that we don't deserve better. Scared to stand up like this and let him know in no uncertain terms just like this that we are done! That we refuse to be treated like this anymore, and we would rather be alone than be with someone like him treating us like this!Continue Reading

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

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Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.
Are we wasting our time? Or will he be different from the rest?

It's happened again.

Just when you thought you were done with attracting yet another guy with commitment issues, you've found yourself once again in a relationship with an incredible guy that has all the wonderful potential only you can see, if only he would commit!

How does this happen?

How do we keep repeating this pattern over and over again no matter how much we think we are finally done with men with this MO?

Once again, we find ourselves with a dilemma with no clear answers; how long do we wait around to see if he is going to commit to us and the relationship?

Are we wasting our time? Or will he be different from the rest? We so want to believe this will be the case!

It can be such a difficult pattern to break when we're attracting the wrong guys until we uncover the root cause of why we are finding guys like this so attractive in the first place. And most of the time it really is us attracting these types of men. It can feel as though we have a unique sense that only seems to know one direction to go in.

His.Continue Reading

Should I Leave Him? 9 Questions to Ask Yourself

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A woman is looking up at question marks above her head.
It begins with some questions and some really honest answers.

You've been living like this for far too long, and the question keeps popping up in your head: Should I leave him?

You keep thinking things are going to get better, hanging on to those little things that just keep you hanging on.

Until it finally becomes clear that things aren't getting better, he isn't coming around, you're still giving way more than you're getting out of this relationship.

And yet, there are the wonderful things.

The amazing times you have together. Those occasional times when he actually does something romantic.

And when it's good, it's really good.

Unfortunately, there just aren't that many of these really great times, and as much as you try to keep it going, you're wondering if you're really just wasting your time.

Especially as the clock keeps ticking and you're not any closer to that elusive commitment you're looking for from him.

You keep asking yourself, should I stay in or leave this relationship? 

It's the question so many of us have wrestled with at one time or another, and one I hear from so many of my coaching clients - "Should I stay or should I leave?"

Typically followed with "Should I give it a little more time?, and if so, how much?" "Or should I just break up?"

Leaving a relationship is never easy, and deciding when to leave a relationship is one of the most difficult decisions to make.

If you're like most of us, you just want someone to tell you what to do, give you some assurance that you're doing the right thing. But everyone you talk to gives you a different answer until you are completely confused as to what to do.

Well, I have good news for you.Continue Reading

Are You Happy?

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Are you happy? If your answer is anything but a resounding yes, you need to reconsider your relationship. A beautiful woman is smiling while looking at her computer.If your relationship is a real relationship, then the answer will be yes.

If you’re single, then there’s good news – you only have yourself to consider when answering this question. It’s not really about whether or not you’re happy being single, but are you happy in general? Of course we all want love in our lives, and someone to share the special moments with, but outside of that, are you happy with your life? If you took the relationship question out of the equation, ask yourself – are you happy?

If you're currently in a relationship, you have to ask yourself if the relationship you’re currently in increases your happiness, decreases your happiness, or is it just neutral? If the answer is either of the last two, then you really need to look at why this is the case, and seriously consider if you want to continue.

After many bad relationships, I finally got to the point that I said to myself (and a few of my close friends) that I just wanted to be in a relationship that didn't make me less happy than I was while single. While this may sound like a sad state of affairs, it was actually the turning point for me that was one of the many factors that finally led me to find my own true love.

Why?

Because it meant that I had already learned to be happy on my own. I finally realized what I needed to be happy wasn’t outside of myself, it was inside. It was in the pursuing of my own interests, discovering my true self, and following my own passions… finding my purpose.

Not a guy. Not something or some event outside of myself. Not my surroundings. It was inside of me, and I finally knew it. After spending so many years trying to find a relationship that would make me happy, I finally knew the truth – that a relationship can never make you happy.

But it can amplify your happiness. To have someone to share your happiness and love with. To give love, and support, and encouragement to one another.

But In order to do that, we have to be filled up ourselves. It’s like a cup – your cup needs to be filled before you can give to another from your cup without feeling like it is being drained. You also don’t want to be the person in the relationship that’s only drawing from (and draining) your partners cup.

In a real relationship there will be times where one of you is drawing off of the others cup, and vice-versa, and that's what makes it a real relationship - that give and take. As long as it's in balance, you'll feel happy, because you'll have someone you can lean on when you need to, and someone you can support when he needs it, and that makes you feel happy. But in order to do this each of you needs to be happy, and your cups full, to begin with.

You deserve to be happy.

We all do.

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