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Relationships

The Relationships category contains posts regarding the stage after dating, in which you are generally in an exclusive monogamous relationship. The Relationships category includes posts on such topics as meeting the family, commitment, is he the right one for you?, etc.

He says he needs space. What do I do now?

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Sad woman hugging her emotionally unavailable boyfriend and looking down.
I'm terrified he won't come back.

Our letter today comes from Cyndi, who's wondering what to do when her boyfriend said he needs space to figure things out, and she can't stop thinking about him. Sound familiar?

Here's her letter and my response:

Hi Jane,

My boyfriend asked for some space from the relationship to figure things out. Not contacting him is so so difficult and I’m terrified that he won’t come back. I know I need to take this time to focus on myself but it’s all I’m thinking about right now.

What do I do?

-  Cyndi

My Response:

Of course that's all you can think about right now, Cyndi. He's the one who asked for space, not you. You wanted things to keep progressing. You weren't expecting this. Continue Reading

Why do I still need his validation?

10 Comments

A beautiful woman is leaning on a railing against a sunset, disappointed she hasn't heard from her boyfriend.
I shouldn't care but I do.

Our letter this week comes from Micah, who's wondering why she's still looking for validation from one of the worst guys she's ever been with, and why it still matters to her that she hears from him.

Here's her letter and my response below...

Hi Jane,

I'm having weird feelings about my "boyfriend" who moved away.

Normally, whenever I'd think about an ex or him, I couldn't help but long to be together again, the thought of having just one more time and how I'd do things differently - the whole 9 yards.

Whereas today, with him, I don't even get to that sad place.

I'm reminded of how everything he ever said and did was a lie. It's not enough to say I get mad when I think about him but more so, uninterested - can't be bothered mentally.

Though lately, well, I've been in a mad mood. A lot of people have been hearing from their exes and so naturally he's been on my mind, as each month goes by, it's a reminder how someone I cared for cared so little about me.Continue Reading

Should I Wait Until He's Ready to Commit Again?

1 Comment

A beautiful woman sits on a couch away from her boyfriend, wondering if she can live with this.
I am so shocked. I am devastated. I am heartbroken.

This week, our email comes from gorgeous Laurene, who recently got engaged, bought a house and moved in with her fiancé. The problem is, now he's feels like he's not ready and doesn't know if he still wants to get married.

Here's her story:

Hello Jane,

I have been with my boyfriend for one year before we got engaged. Prior to that, we have been very good friends for a couple of years. Our first year was full of bliss and romance. We have our own world and I am confident that he is the one for me.

After he popped the question, we bought our own house and have chosen our wedding date, sent our save the dates to family and friends, and paid off almost half of our wedding suppliers.

Slowly, the honeymoon phase faded away.

I would always feel unappreciated and unloved. He is always preoccupied with a lot of things. There were so many fights and arguments. However, I would always find ourselves going back to our "happy bubble" after every big fight (that would always leave us emotionally drained.)Continue Reading

The Reason He Says "I Don't Know"

33 Comments

Woman and man sitting on a curb breaking up, man with his head in his hands
Is it just an excuse?

He can’t tell you what he doesn’t know.

His words haunt us.

"I don’t know."

"I’m not sure why."

"I wish I could."

"I don’t mean to hurt you."

We’ve heard them all before.

The reality - the stark, harsh, cold reality - is that he can’t give you more of an answer to the questions you’re asking him because he really doesn’t know.

Yes, you and I would know.Continue Reading

What We All Need to Thrive

11 Comments

A group of smiling men and women being friendly and supportive of each other.
This is what we all really need.

There’s a word that keeps coming up.

On my calls. In my inbox. In the heartbreaking comments I read from you here on the blog and on social media.

I hear it when you tell me things like:

No one sees like you.

No one hears like you.

No one thinks like you.

No one feels like you.

You see what everyone else says to just ignore. Because you can’t ignore it!

You hear what everyone says is just you picking up on something that isn’t there. It doesn’t go away.Continue Reading

I Don't Understand How He Could Walk Away From This

9 Comments

A beautiful woman leans her head against the wall, sad about her breakup.
I can't help but wonder if he'll come back.

Gorgeous Wanda had a great relationship with amazing chemistry and a strong emotional connection, but now he's saying he can't commit and doesn't want a relationship. She's trying to understand what happened.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

Thank you for providing all your great content - your articles have been so helpful. I think my story is similar to many that you have shared, but I'm hoping you can be helpful with this situation.

Here's my story: I was dating a man, and the first 2 months were perfect... honestly maybe too perfect.

He was consistently making an effort and told me how much he liked me. We had instant chemistry and a really strong emotional connection. I truly think we both thought we were a good match in terms of personality, values, chemistry, etc.

At ~2 months in, he was honest about his concerns that he wouldn't be able to commit/offer enough to a relationship at that time. Long story short, we decided to keep dating anyway, both with the hope that things would get better.Continue Reading

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