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Dating

The posts in the dating category relate to the early stages of a relationship, before the two of you are exclusive. The dating category includes topics such as where to find men, how do I find Mr. Right?, first dates, should you call him, etc.

Why Didn't He Call?

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Angry woman stood up on a date in a coffee shop looking at her phone
I thought we really hit it off, but I haven't heard from him!

Our letter this week comes from Ingrid, who really hit it off with her physiotherapist and thought he was interested, but now it seems like he was just sending her mixed messages, and she's wondering why he never contacted her.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I am following your newsletter and offers already for a while and wanted to throw in a question this time, I really feel confused about:

I met a nice guy in a clinic, he was one of the physiotherapists in a responsible position. I had some treatments with him, massages, group sports, baths...

He began flirting with me, I flirted back.

For six weeks we met up very often, there was a lot of chemistry, glances, smiles, compliments and fun. Although it was really difficult to get in touch on a private level (almost never time together alone) he finally even initiated some talks with me - although the staff-members at that clinics were not allowed to get in touch with the patients.Continue Reading

I Am So Tired of Men Ghosting Me!

21 Comments

Woman text messaging on her phone
His texts got less and less, then suddenly nothing.

With everything going on in our world right now, I debated whether to answer a letter like usual this week, or send you some comforting words, and I've decided to continue on here as much as normal since many of you are still having the same issues with your relationships even in the midst of a pandemic.

Next week, thanks to one of your suggestions, I'll have some tips on dating in the era of #stayhome and how to not drive yourself crazy being alone!

I hope you're all taking good care of yourselves, staying home as much as you can, and finding support here for all your beautiful hearts and souls that feel everything. I adore each and every one of you for exactly who you are, whether that be scared, anxious, worried or whatever you feel today.

I run the gamut of emotions, too.

If there's something you're going through that you're not finding addressed here, please don't hesitate to reach out or reply to this email. We will get through this the only way we ever do anything well - together.

So that said, our letter this week comes from Michelle, who's sick and tired of men ghosting her. Can you relate? I had a feeling you could.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I am so tired of men walking into my life and then leaving for no reason. I honestly am starting to think something is wrong with me.Continue Reading

Should I Remind Him He Said He Would Tell Me Why?

8 Comments

A beautiful woman is holding her hair back with her hands, wondering if she was a hot mess.
I just need to know why!

Our letter this week comes from Paula, who's feeling heartbroken over the loss of the man she experienced such amazing chemistry with in a long-distance relationship. He said he was going to meet up with her and talk in three weeks time, so she wants to know if she should reach out to remind him.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I'm 42 years old. I met a man, 46 years old, on Dec. 23 of last year.

For two weeks we met on the beach in the morning or in the evening-had dinner and drinks or a walk by the beach, talking about ourselves, kissing each other - there was extreme chemistry between us.

After two weeks, we had time to be together and had an amazing time. This man lives 900 km from me.

We were in touch almost every day by messages, half of them initiated by him. We have met again every second week after because he flies here to be with his children. I have one child, I'm a single mum.Continue Reading

Is He Just "Not Ready"?

8 Comments

 

A beautiful woman is holding her head in her hands wondering if her boyfriend who has commitment issues is just playing games or if he wants a committed relationship.
Maybe I just need to move on.

Our letter this week comes from, Vicki, who's wondering if the man she feels a special connection with in their on-again, off-again relationship, will ever be ready for a real, committed relationship.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I love your programs and I am really relating to some of the stuff you say. I particularly relate to Sue's letter.

I have had an on/off relationship with a guy for just over 15 months.

I am 51 and have sorted my life out, he is 53 and hasn't.

He has not sorted out all the baggage from his marriage - i.e. not divorced, just now selling the home because he is having financial trouble.

The trouble comes from being depressed or bi-polar or chronic fatigue that led to a truck load of self-esteem issues and to top it off he has 2 young girls (4 and 10) as well as 2 older boys.

So his life is hard.Continue Reading

The One Thing You Were Never Meant to Do

4 Comments

A brunette woman feeling lonely in her relationship sits looking at the ocean.
Let's try something different this time.

You were never supposed to fit in.

Not the way you thought.

You with your one of a kind way of seeing the world.

You with your own unique essence of being in the world. No, you were never supposed to fit in.

You know why you feel like there must be something wrong with you?

Because everyone's been trying to get you to conform and fit in the way they wanted you to your entire life.

Now imagine you trying to go against the grain and resist that when that's all you've ever had reinforced for you.

Not easy, is it? Continue Reading

I Was Only 9 Years Old

8 Comments

A young girl sits on a bench by a lake, feeling invisible and alone.
When I learned how quickly it could all be taken away.

I've been judged my entire life. Some of you know this about me, most of you don't.

My worth was equated with being perfect.

When you have a dad who's a minister, you have to be. Picking up early on what it meant to be loved in my family, I learned to conform and earned the label of the perfect one, while my older sister rebelled against that conformity and was forced to leave our house when she was 14 years old.

I was 9 years old and the day I learned my parents had chosen my dad's church and upholding their image over their own daughter, I also learned that my perfect label wasn't just a label; it was a matter of life as I knew it or the very opposite.

It was confirmed for me that my worst fear as a child could happen; I could lose their love.

From that moment, I chose security and hid my true self until I left the country for college after I graduated high school.Continue Reading

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