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Dating

The posts in the dating category relate to the early stages of a relationship, before the two of you are exclusive. The dating category includes topics such as where to find men, how do I find Mr. Right?, first dates, should you call him, etc.

Is Online Dating Helping or Hurting You?

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Beautiful woman sitting down checking her text messages using mobile phone.
Let me show you how to choose better.

Today I had a coaching session with a client going over profiles on a dating app.

I pointed out the things that I saw as obvious red flags or signs of incompatibility the way I usually do, but today something else occurred to me that may benefit you to understand, too.

Online dating is a great way to increase the number of perspective dating prospects in your life by the sheer number of how many more people are accessible to you than the usual meeting in real life, especially lately when real life has been so limited.

But there’s an important caveat to this.

You’re not meeting through mutual interests, you’re not meeting where you have a chance to see someone in their everyday life, or at least somewhere other than just as a profile on a screen.

My point is, you’ve only got a small snapshot to go on, so in that short time, it’s important to know how to use online dating apps to your advantage, not to your disadvantage.Continue Reading

I KNEW all along

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Beautiful woman smiling at text on phone from her new boyfriend.
He was so excited about me, but then...

Ever look back and realize you were right - that you just KNEW how things were going to go with a new guy you were hoping you'd be wrong about? That's what Sarah wrote to me - I just KNEW, she said. Read on to hear what she told me.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I love your work. After reading it and trying to do my own work for many years, I've been trying to work on expanding my "ideal" version of a man.

With that in mind, I started talking to this guy online who was outside of the "ideal" but seemed very excited about me. From the get-go, though, I had some concerns - he lives 1-2 hours away, he's somewhat recently divorced, and he's had some family issues.

I was very mindful that these all might become issues.

In fact, after learning more about him over video and phone calls, I thought to myself: There's no way this guy can be ready for what I'm looking for, given everything that's going on! (even though that's not what he was telling me and my concerns hadn't actually yet played out to be true).Continue Reading

If you're ready to give up, read this first

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A beautiful woman is frazzled because she can't seem to get over a breakup.
Let go. Let it all go.

If you're ready to give up, I'll give up with you.

I'll stand beside you, I'll be right there with you. You won't be alone. We'll do this together.

You don't have to try so hard anymore. You don't have to keep the struggle alive.

The fact that it's so much of a struggle at all is telling you something.

Let go. Let it all go.

Turn it over to God or the Universe or some higher power that's always partnering WITH you for what's best FOR you.

Stop trying so hard. Start over.

A roof over your head. Food & water. Heat and cooling. It's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. You start with the basics. Physical/physiological needs.

Safety. Security. Within yourself. From you, not anyone else. You can't have the rest without making sure you have those.

Now you're ready to make a plan to get all your other needs met. You're here, now. Stay with me.Continue Reading

It's Time to Give Up

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A woman is lying her head on a couch wondering why she keeps attracting emotionally unavailable men.
It's time to stop trying to be something other than who you really are.

Give up trying to be that girl who has everything you want.

Give up trying to be that girl who does what you've never been able to do.

Give up trying to be that girl who doesn't have to take life seriously, who never seems to feels the pain, who lives her life for having fun.

Give up trying to be her!

You know who I'm talking about. The one you're comparing yourself to, the one you wish you were, the one you try so hard to be.

"Why can't I be more like her?!" Because you're not her. You're you.

Your journey is your own.

What you've been through is yours.

What you can't unsee is a part of that journey.

How it's changed you, how it's molded you, is all of you.Continue Reading

Are you doing this too?

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Beautiful lonely girl dreamin and thinking while waiting for date in the city ocean pier at sunset time.
Are you spending all your time and energy doing this?

Don't spend any more of your time or energy on why it didn't work out, why he ghosted you or whatever else you can't let go of.

We spend wayyyyy too much time ruminating over everything we should have done differently to keep a guy.

The only retrospect you want is that he wasn't your guy.

There's lots of different guys, just this one wasn't yours!

Your goal is to meet as many men as possible and move on from the ones who ghost you or don't pursue you.Continue Reading

How does he fall out of love so easily?

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Woman sad over breakup looking at mobile phone on the city bus wondering why he doesn't love her
What I really want is closure

Have you ever wondered why this happens? You're not the only one. Read on to find out what I have to say about this!

Her email:

Hi Jane,

I am writing this to let out some steam as I don't have many friends and really have no one to talk to.

March 2020, in the first week of lockdown, I was suggested to use dating apps by my parent's to get to know more people and see if anything develops. As I am extremely introverted and like to spend majority of my time alone.

On the first week of using a dating app, I met him.

We added each other's contact information and had on and off short conversations into July when he had added my Instagram. I never initiated any of the conversations and gave short replies as I was still very skeptical of online dating and because of my shy nature, I didn't know how to start the conversations.Continue Reading

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