Don't you dare discount this relationship that didn't work out, that broke your heart as having happened for no reason at all.
It may not have turned out the way you hoped it would be. It might not have lived up to its potential that only you could see.
But girl, it wasn't nothing.
Don't ever discount each and every one of the relationships and experiences you've gone through as nothing. That has the effect of making you feel like nothing is happening behind the scenes for you.
That's NOT what's going on. Even if you can't see anything happening yet, that's still not what's going on.
Here's why I'm bringing this up right now. See, this woman I've been coaching for awhile now has been through just about everything. Every type of guy, especially the "so much potential" kind.
And every time it ends, she sees more, she learns more about herself and all these men she keeps choosing because they're the ones she has to choose from because they're the only ones that keep finding her.
It's a symbiotic relationship - look that up if you need to, it matters.
But this last one was different. It's the one that showed the most promise, it's the one where the guy was the most different - in a good way - from all the rest. Even if it didn't work out the way she wanted it to, I knew there was something different about him for her that she was going to see one way or another.
And that's exactly what it was.
It's over now. But instead of the way she's used to feeling whenever the familiar disappointment and heartbreak sets in, this time, there's something different.
She got it with him. Her epiphany - the real one that actually leads to her doing something different - happened with him.
She looks different. She sounds different. She IS different. Because this is the one that made that difference.
This guy, this experience, this relationship that she went into with her eyes wide open showed her something deeper about herself and these men and the roots of her attraction to these men that made it real for the first time.
Will the effect of this epiphany last? I don't know for sure. But I know I've never seen her quite like this before and that in itself is a pretty powerful thing.
Will she meet "the one" now? If that's what she's focusing on, I have no doubt she will. It's only a matter of time when someone gets to this point from where she's been and what's she's gone through.
And the difference is, now she's choosing what she does with it this time.
Oh girl, don't discount this last experience as just like the rest. You never EVER know which one is going to come along and be the epiphany you've never had before, or show you in a different way what you've never been able to grasp before. Don't lump them all together. Don't put them all so hopelessly into the bucket of more proof of everything that's wrong with you.
Sure you thought that last one was enough, that last epiphany was real, that last victory was the one that was going to set you on a new path. Those were all a part of what brought you as far as you've come!
But one of these days, the next one is going to be that last step, the one that makes this more real to you in a way that resonates more than all the ones before, and it's going to take you all the rest of the way to that place where dreams and hopes are finally realized.
Why not you? Why not this time? You have no idea how close you are. Don't give up yet! Share your thoughts and your stories with us down below in the comments.
Wow. You have no idea how much I needed that. Having recently ended with the one guy I thought was perfect, turned sour. After almost a year , the time and effort I put in to it. But I realized I was doing all the work. Maturity on his part played a major role, he was 20 years younger than I was. I’m 61. But, damn it, I loved him heart and soul so much. I will survive and learn.
And you will, Sue! So glad this resonated with you!
It wasn't exactly the last one, but somehow the combination of the last two. Smart, beautiful, feminine women who couldn't commit. But they were otherwise so wonderful I thought I could put up with the lack of commitment. Until they both ended up with someone else. Moving on thank you. Dating several women at the same time, keeping my options open, it's fun and it's all information. Yes, I'm 'different' but I'm awesome and I know it. Only going to give my heart to someone who can really appreciate me.
You've learned this well, Anne!
Thanks for accepting me as I am Jane. Women can fall into these patterns on both sides of the equation.
I love him. But I have been friend zoned. He is grieving still from his wife passing. He says he will never be in a relationship again. He says he wants us to be friends forever. He says he never wants us to stop being friends. It is killing me a little more each day. What do I do?
Dear April,
Please tell us that you know that you deserve more. If any one person in a relationship is doing ALL of the rowing whilst the other sits taking your efforts for granted, the boat will go only in the same circle of going nowhere. Walk away making space for someone else to come into your heart.
Is this what it feels like to be friends with someone, April? He may be talking about friends forever and never stopping being friends, but does your "friendship" serve you as well? Or does it only serve him? It depends on what you're going for here, but something that's "killing you a little more each day" doesn't sound like anything to do with friendship. How much of a martyr do you need to prove yourself to be?!