If we're going to change who and what we attract, if we're going to start seeing something different in who and what shows up in our lives, we've got to start by making some big changes in how we're actually living our lives.
Today.
Not tomorrow. Not when we have more energy or time to get this right, but right now.
Here's what we're going to do:
1. Stop making anyone - and yes, I do mean anyone - the center of your universe.
It's not good for either one of you.
YOU'RE the center of your universe.
And no, that's not selfish. That's a healthy way to live your life based not on yet another fantasy but on reality. The one you control, not someone you give all your control to hoping for a different result than the one you've gotten so used to seeing.
2. Give him some space to be himself. Be your own true self.
3. Be authentic.
4. Don't nag, don't try to manipulate or control him. Don't play games.
5. Be yourself. Be honest. Be real.
6. Keep your options open and adopt the mindset that you are the prize here - because you are!
7. Keep living your own life. Fill your life with your own friends, your own hobbies, your own passions.
Make your own life so full of the people and things that bring you joy so that you won't be looking to him to complete you or fill you up. You don't need anyone to do that for you!
See, when you live your life like this, you'll discover that what he does or doesn't do isn't nearly as important as what YOU do. And if he becomes ready for something more - for what you're looking for - you'll have given him the very best chance to do this on his own. It's the only way you want him.
That's what this is all about; living your own beautiful life in such a way that what someone else does or doesn't do doesn't matter.
What matters above all else is your own happiness!
Got it? Good!
Now print this out. Post it somewhere where it will be the first thing you see in the morning, and last thing you see before you fall asleep at night.
Nothing changes until YOU make changes. Nothing changes until you stop doing the same things you've always done that always bring you the exact same results.
Today is a brand new day!
Love,
Jane
Ready to make this yours? Make this commitment to YOU in the comments below!
To be honest with you Jane, I am so tired of doing the same thing and expecting different results, I'm tired of being the only one wanting to make a relationship work, I'm tired of always attracting the same type of men over and over again, this has to end and it has to end today. This is the day when I take my power back. This is the day when I will treat people especially men the way they treat me. If you call, I'll call, if you text, I'll text back and if you don't do any of those then guess what I won't do none either. I'll only put an effort to those who put an effort in me.
Thank you for such an amazing article, it came in at the right time when I'm struggling with a guy who has one foot in and one foot out, he says he wants a relationship with me and yet he doesn't call only texts here and there, I can just feel that he is still not sure as we've only been out twice, i can see that I was also coming on too strong after he said he wanted a relationship with me, i had my own expectations which are not being met, I'm now learning to just let things be and if it works out good, and if it doesn't that's still okay with me. I will continue dating other people until I see how serious he is about me.
Thank you so much for reminding me of my worth Jane.
I'll never stop reminding you, Lolly. You're tired for a very good reason; when it's all you doing all the work, you're bearing all the weight in the relationship and that's exhausting! Use that feeling as your reminder, your reality check, every time you feel this way. Stop all the doing and see what happens. Does he pick up the slack with his own doing? Or does nothing happen unless you make it happen? You know effort. You sense effort. If it's not there, you can't make it happen and it's not a reflection on you. Let them prove their worthiness to you while you sit back and observe from a safe emotionally detached distance for a change. You know you'll be all in if they prove worthy enough for you, but let them show you before you give them that pass to come on in!
Thanks Jane this is exactly what I needed to hear today. I deserve to be pursued. Hard as it may be, it's time to take a step back and refocus on myself. Easier said than done. Here we go.
You do, Sky11! And yes, so much easier said than done, but if what you're doing isn't working the way you want it to, try an experiment of doing something different "just to see", and it will be easier than forcing yourself to do something out of your usual programming. Stay in touch!