What makes a man commit?
You’ve heard so many reasons.
Because he can’t resist you. Because you’re irresitable. Because you’re perfect.
But you know something? The most important piece of this has nothing to do with any of that, and everything to do with something YOU have control over. Here’s why.
Who you choose is so important here because if he’s compatible with someone else and not you, trying to become that other woman will only make you miserable in the end.
Because you aren’t her, and you don’t want to change to become her.
Deep down, the only person who you EVER want to be with, is someone who’s actually compatible with the real you. And that’s not anyone else but you.
It may be the new and improved version of yourself. Or it may be the newly discovered version of yourself that was there all along, until YOU shed enough of your stuff to see her.
But whichever it is, only the real you can be sustained over time.
Trying to be someone you’re not, trying to pretend you’re perfect is only exhausting and disheartening in the long run when you realize you can’t keep this up without serious repercussions to your own heart and soul.
You know what every single one of my clients who’ve gotten the commitment they were looking for from their man would tell you about him (and about the two of them)?
They were compatible.
They weren’t just looking for the guy who resembled their unfinished work with their emotionally unavailable fathers.
They shifted out of that dead-end place to actually get to the root of their own issues and break their old unfulfilling patterns enough to choose differently. To choose someone who was actually compatible with them!
And by that I mean their true selves, their selves who were honestly looking for something quite different from what they thought they were looking for, to someone who they could actually be compatible with, to someone who they could actually live with in the long term, not just while they were figuring out who they were.
Who we choose when we’re lonely, right when all we're focused on is not being alone anymore and finding someone to do all our work for us, is not the person we’re going to choose after we've figured out who we are.
When we figure out what our blocks are, when we figure this all out enough to break our patterns, change our long-held belief systems without out of date narratives that no longer reflect who we’ve become, that's when we choose differently.
So it only makes sense then, when you look at it this way, to choose someone who you don’t have to spend so much time and energy working on making this work with, but someone who is naturally going to be compatible with you!
In fact, that’s the number one sign that you’re not with someone who’s right for you – when you’re the one always working so hard to make the relationship work in the first place.
Yes, real relationships are going to be about two people working together to build a strong relationship and keep it going over the years. But having to constantly work so hard – especially when it’s all one-sided work - begs the question of why you want to do all that work with someone you're not likely to be compatible with.
So "Why?" would be my question for you.
And your answer is going to tell you everything you need to know about where you need to put your focus and where your inner work needs to be.
Love,
Jane
Hi Jane! About 11 months ago I started your program, Beautiful Confident Radiant You! I did it over two months, spending two weeks on each section. I took it a little slow, trying to really get the most out of it.
When I started the program, I was feeling pretty low. I had moved across the country to live a life that aligned with my passions, as well as in hopes of finding love as a bonus. But I was under-employed, broke, in a terrible apartment, and alone. I had thought that once i took the leap and moved to a new location, love would naturally find me. Instead I found the exact same patterns. And when I was feeling the most down, that is when a series of coincidences drew me to your program.
A lot has changed since then. I used to see couples all around me. I wondered why everybody around me seemed to find love so easily and I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with me. I felt like there was a force field that drove love away from me, and I wondered what was so wrong with me that the universe doomed me to be alone, watching from the sidelines as everyone else easily found love.
Your program began a change in that. Instead of spending all this time wondering what is wrong with me, I started focusing on all the things RIGHT with me. I started taking care of myself, doing things that I loved, dressing nicer just for myself, working out more just to feel better. I started drawing attention from a lot of people around me as my energy changed, now I notice I often seem to turn heads. I can say this because it didn't used to happen before.
I started reprogramming all my beliefs. I was operating from such scarcity and fear.
Gradually I started to believe, and know, that there is a great guy for me out there, looking for me too. Instead of a repellent force field, I now feel like a magnet, drawing him closer and closer to me. He's on his way, I can FEEL IT!
Focusing on my worth began to have powerful changes in my life. The more I focused on all I am capable of, it was only a few months before I landed a job I LOVE! Now I have my DREAM JOB and have moved into my DREAM HOME. And the best part, I'm finally all set up to live the LIFE of my DREAMS! All those hobbies and passions that I moved out here to pursue, I have finally begun pursuing them. I've never been this excited about my life. The next year is going to be AMAZING.
I have found myself in an unsatisfying "relationship" the last several months. It was exciting, the change in my self image drew him in and i've been pretty excited to have something like this for the first time. But over time I've realized I wasn't too happy, yet unable to let him go. And as I went back through the program, focusing on what exactly what I DO want, i realized i was actually settling, that I deserve so much more. I deserve a guy who loves me, who wants to see me, who pursues me, and who is excited by all the things i've learned to love about myself!
I've told my PA what I wanted. I've given myself up to a year for him to come. I know my great guy is on the way, but it's getting close to a year no sign of him. But maybe thats ok! I'm about to start the year of my dreams. I've found a great job and awesome place to live. I'm so excited about all the fun ahead of me. I can feel my social world beginning to expand, and I'm excited about all the new people I'm about to meet! Maybe being single is a great way to enjoy this coming year.
I know he's out there. I know he's coming. I love who I am so much these days that I just know I'm good enough for a great match! I have no doubt I'll end up with someone great, because I'm great! I'm so excited about the year ahead of me!
Any advice? Any input? Getting close to a year and no sign of him yet, but everything else is really falling into place. Should I release my 1 year time line and just know that my PA found him, know that i'm a magnet and he is on his way? Keep focusing on myself, my passions, and staying clear on what I want? Is there anything I'm missing?
I've started the best year of my life! Thanks for everything!!!
very insightful, love shouldn't be so difficult or exhausting. perhaps the most difficult part is finding out who is the right person, as meeting and knowing people take time.
I agree! That is definitely the hardest part- to the point where it’s discouraging. I hate to think that way but it’s true. I think your age can tend to make you feel that way more so. I feel like my time is “running out” and I’m scared to death I will never find “him”.