The words echoed back at me.
"Your mother was fearless."
It was a scene in Beauty and the Beast that stayed with me the entire night. And it made me realize something. Something big.
I want to be fearless again.
Oh, I used to be. We all used to be. Before we knew what we knew. Before we saw what we saw. Before we went through what we went through. We all remember that “used to be.”
Where did it go? Where did we go?
I used to believe I could do anything because my do anything was tied to my youth, to my being what the popular culture said I should be.
How ironic that we wake up right when it feels like it's too late to do anything about it.
Society converts us into its ideology so quickly, so subtly. You can only do this if you meet this and this arbitrary criteria. Add to that the pressure of growing up being tied so much to what other people will think of you, and where do you go from there?
Most of my mentors are the fearless type. They climb mountains, hike trails, sail around the world, and don’t let anything stop them from doing what they do.
But there’s something else.
I’ve long come to see that I’m not them and pretending I am, or pretending I could be, isn’t my answer. My own journey is different.
And so, Beautiful, is yours.
If you take only one thing away from this post today, it’s this: That you are on your own journey. Your path is not someone else’s. They may show you their way, but don’t expect to find yourself there.
This is where we get so confused.
We find someone whose own journey and circumstances and history resonates so much with us, that in our hunger to get out of our own mess, we make them into more than they are – more than they should be – to us.
We try to do what works for them instead of allowing what they know, what they became, what they walked through, to inspire us instead of stop us.
Because isn’t that what it does?
It stops us in our tracks, in our own progress when we can’t measure up to them. When our own path falls short trying to follow theirs. When we find out the reality of our actual differences and where our similarities end and when we discover we aren’t them, and we weren’t the same - and most importantly, that we were never meant to be.
The people whose lives we see ourselves in aren’t there to give us copies of themselves to trace to make us into; they’re there to inspire us to create our own realities, to create our own visions of what we want for ourselves and what we want to become.
When we don’t measure up - or especially when it doesn’t happen as quickly as it was supposed to - we throw up our arms and give up. We’re done.
But why are we done?
Why do we feel like we want to give up? Because we missed the point of it all.
To be inspired to follow our own path. To come to a place we hadn’t been able to see before. That’s the point of why we need each other, why we’re never meant to walk this path alone.
Not so that we become someone else, but so that we can truly become ourselves.
How about you, Beautiful? Do you want to become fearless again? Share your thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams and desires with us below in the comments!
Hi Jane, I was very fearless before I married. Took chances in opportunities and kept my mind open to anything I could learn to empower myself. Though now I am in a situation (at 56) where I am separating after 28 years of marriage and not realizing that I had given my power away and lost me in the relationship. Having a burn out 11 years ago was my wake up call which made me realize I had been living for my husband's happiness and life (which he made sure) and not mine. I "allowed" so many things I could not see and lost so much of who I was amongst it all. But the greatest gift I gave myself was the decision to leave the marriage. Taking back my power and owing my own life,finally! And the hardest was having to do it alone. My friends chose to no longer keep in contact and my family told me it was my problem. Every day I search for articles/books to read for support, empowerment and help me cope. I am trying to become the fearless person I was once and also bring out the person I know I still truly am. I know in my heart that I will eventually get there and be happy again because taking back my power has given me hope for a bright future. xo
So glad you're finding that fearless part of you again, Artemis. I know this isn't easy, but you're inspiring us all on here with your story and sharing your empowering words. Thank you for stopping by to share. I'm with you on that journey!
Hi Jane
One thing that really helped me become fearless was the book Feel the Fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers and since reading it I've lived by that motto and it's opened up many opportunities I might have previously shut out or not even tried.
It's also important to listen to your gut feelings so if something inside says go for it that's probably the right thing to do. Make the most of life as you only live once.?
Love that book, Nicky! Thanks for chiming in. It's a great motto for all of us to have handy, in love, in life, in everything!
I found it ironic to see this post today. Not so much in my romance life, but in other areas, I've taken a lot of risks lately, and they haven't worked out. You go on Instagram and see all these posts about taking risks, but what happens when they don't work out?
Hi Cara! I have to say I'm never surprised at the irony anymore. I figure if I feel strongly enough about a particular message, someone must need it! 🙂
When "they don't work out", you take that information and look at what it's telling you. Were you taking that risk for you or for someone - or something - else? Was it a stepping stone to another place and not, in fact, about what you thought it was? See what's behind your answers. Look at what's behind your motives. There's always something to be gained when something doesn't work out. It either works out because it was yours, or it doesn't because there's something more it was there for. Don't get discouraged! There's more here for you.
I used to be fearless, now I am filled with anxiety and dread. Sometimes (ahem) this is linked to PMT. I am fearful that my heart will lead me astray. That I've made a mistake in cutting off a deeply wonderful but emotionally unavailable man. I doubt myself. I think perhaps I've left him cut him loose to drown and he needed me. He was something off a rock and somethnig of a flake all at the same time. In the end, he was weak, and he couldn't claim me or choose me or put me first. Would this ever change? This haunts me. I'm on day 3 of NC and I'm glad but feel fed up that I've needed him (in practical muscle ways) already and have no one else to reach out too. Have to build a new support network in a new city and am already reeling after a very difficult experience. I wanted him to be my rock and me to be his. But in an emotional sense, he buckled every time. I want a man. A real man. But I also miss him. So confused 🙁
I don't know of anyone who doesn't feel something so similar to what you've described here when dealing with someone like this, Francini. It's always confusing until it isn't. Don't fight these feelings. Accept them. You deserve a real man. But we always miss the man we knew he could be.