I know you get so many emails from so many people telling you what’s wrong, what you need, and why they’re the ones who can fix it for you.
I want to give you something different this holiday season.
We feelers feel a lot this time of year, and I want to acknowledge how much there is to feel.
No, it’s not you.
This time of year we cry more easily, we feel everything so much more deeply, we sense the nostalgia of the ones that got away and the ones we wished could have stayed.
We feel.
We hurt.
We grieve for a past that could have been different.
And whether it’s the feeling of aloneness when we’re surrounded by family and should feel anything but lonely, or whether we’re trying to figure out how to numb ourselves enough to just have some fun welcoming in the New Year, we feel all the way through.
I hope by now you’re feeling a sense of not going through this alone. I hope you’re starting to see that there are so many of us feelers in this world who are finally freeing ourselves from the bonds of trying to be like everyone else, and are finding love by embracing every delicate, sensitive, feeling part of our hearts and souls.
There are more and more of us discovering that these are our strengths, not our weaknesses, all the time.
We’re waking up.
We’re encouraging and supporting each other instead of trying to stand each other up. We’re learning to stop comparing because there is no comparing the very parts of us that make us uniquely who we are.
And so, Beautiful, I do have something to say to you that I want you to think about whenever you’re feeling introspective and melancholy this holiday season.
I want you to feel your ability to feel with every part of your being.
I want you to embrace that ability to feel with every part of you.
I want you to stop beating yourself up for everything you’ve done that’s come from that place of feeling.
My wish for you is that you could see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. Someone who sees you for who you are and wants to be with you because he’s ready for you.
Not because he wants to be close to you in the hopes that it will somehow rub off on him, but because he’s done enough of his own work on his own journey to be able to appreciate your beautiful self for exactly what you are.
My wish is for you to know the difference.
When the music plays, and the singer sings, I want you to feel the connection to the artist behind it.
They’re just like you. They feel. That’s how they create.
And they do their best work when they’re feelings are so raw, and their hearts are breaking.
Just like you.
When you’re watching a movie, and the story, the characters, the themes behind the obvious move you in such deep ways, it takes your breath away, that’s another connection.
You’ve found someone else just like you.
The writer, the producer, the artists behind the scenes. They share your feeling heart, too.
When you’re reading a book that touches you and you’re not the same as you were before, that’s another one.
Another kindred heart. Another sensitive soul just like yours.
See?
We’re everywhere!
I never understood this until recently. I lived so much of my life never understanding why it was I connected so deeply with certain songs, and movies and books. I just thought I always cried at movies, at weddings, at certain songs. I just thought I felt things that most other people didn’t feel.
What I understand now, is that I’m not alone at all.
There’s a whole community of other people just like me from all walks of life, doing all kinds of things that they may not have even realized their motivation for doing so. But ask any of them when they do their best work, and it’ll have something to do with that feeling part of feeling raw, exposed, hearts breaking.
Their message hones itself through the very things we try to avoid.
The irony is, the only thing they have that most of the rest of us feelings souls don’t, is the understanding that this is their strength. That this is when the good stuff happens.
My wish for you is to stop fighting what you think you don’t want and can’t handle in your life. My hope for you is that you’ll turn it around to surrender to it instead.
There’s something bigger than you going on here. There’s something bigger than all of us.
Look around at the ones who are figuring this out. Don’t envy them. Don’t compare yourself to them. Instead, feel the sense of community with these kindred hearts.
You’re never alone, Beautiful. Never, ever, ever alone!
Feel that.
Hold that feeling in your heart.
And the next time that book, that movie, that song speaks to you like nothing else, stop right there and hold onto that feeling.
That’s your sign that you’re not alone. You feel it. And so do the ones who are capable of feeling it, too.
That’s your tribe. Those are your people.
Not everyone’s awake to it – yet. But many of us are and more are waking up all the time. Carry that feeling with you wherever you go. We’re everywhere!
Have a wonderful holiday, wherever you are, Beautiful. I’m sending beautiful thoughts of love and light to every single one of you!
Love,
Jane
Let’s share! What song, book, movie moves you? Right now, I’m feeling "Imagine" by John Lennon, "A Woman’s Worth" by Marianne Williamson, and "Good Will Hunting" with Robin Williams. Love to hear yours. Share your favorites with all of us below in the comments.
Hi Jane, I've meaning to post a comment since I read this last night before crying myself to sleep post-Christmas day. I really appreciated reading it but really didn't know what to say as I'm just not in the place where I'm feeling particularly connected to any works of art right now. I am the sensitive one in my family though, I could completely relate to that. An empath. I don't always cry all that easily because I've had to learn to hold it in in front of them but I certainly feel it. I don't watch TV at home and on my brother's TV were images of Syrian children - I just find it stunning how things like that appear amongst the adverts for boxing day spending (I live in the UK) and suchlike. It hurts so much to see it and yet I can't turn away from the screen as it feels disrespectful to ignore their suffering. Christmas has been so hard. There's no one thing that I can put my finger on, and this year it's not really about being single (I feel stronger in my current singleness since doing your course) - being in a couple would help because it would change the family dynamic but that felt like my main concern because it just seems to get harder and harder for me to spend time with my family. They are so different to me and I get so easily hurt by their various comments and behaviours, and yet don't feel I can say anything because I don't want to spoil Christmas as they all so clearly love it. I suppose I'm wanting to write all this because this is a community I follow weekly (even though I don't often post anything myself) and I feel like we have some shared understanding. I am at home now having cried all the way home, and haven't been able to share how I feel with anyone because of course friends are all with their families. It can be such a lonely time of year. But I find it less lonely being in my flat on my own this evening than I did at my brother's continually biting my tongue and feeling guilty for how difficult I was finding it all. I hate the way that I just fall back into that role of carrying all the bad feelings and keeping quiet about it, despite all the work I've done on myself. It makes me feel worse and worse and then I feel helpless to stand up for myself. I think it parallels what can happen when we allow one man after another to treat us badly, as you have so eloquently spoken about in your videos, Jane. I don't know the answer. These experiences with my family knock my confidence for days and yet I don't feel able to really change the way I am in the family dynamic - I just become more entrenched the more time I spend with them. And so I found myself contacting a guy I've been having trouble getting over, and think I have now compounded that situation. I can see how it's all happening but I feel powerless to change it. Wow this has turned into a long comment. On a lighter note I've remembered a book that I am taking my time over reading (because it is ginormous), and enjoying: 'Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom' - I love it because it really draws out the link between our emotional and physical wellbeing, and names so many of the grim things that our culture does to us as women, I feel in a similar way to how Marianne Williamson does. I would heartily recommend it to everyone on this site (including the men!). Jane I wish you a happy holiday and want to thank you for the difference your help - all that way away - has made to my life this year. And to all you reading this I wish you love and light for 2017 x
Thank you, Clairey. You bring so much love and light just by being you! I love that book - and her next one, Goddesses Never Age, is also one of my favorites and her new one is just out but I haven't read it yet. You know, Clairey, if I could bring us all together in one room, you would hear the stories I hear, of just how similar this feeling you're experiencing around your family is felt by almost all of us. The more we change, the more we grow, the more we start to love the sensitive, emotional women we are, the more our families want to pretend we're still who we used to be. It's then that we come to appreciate our safe spaces, where we can go home to our own space - even if it's alone, but at least where it's authentic and real. I hear this so often from the women - and men - I work with. And it's something I have had to come to terms with, too. I've learned how to manage it, the expectations, the assumed roles, and the inability to feel like ones true self. I've learned to accept what is, to shorten visits, and to make it manageable for me. What that looks like in the details will be different for everyone and only you know what is best for you, but it helps to prepare yourself with a plan BEFORE you find yourself in this situation. As for your beautiful tears, Clairey, let them flow. You don't have to know why or what, it's enough just to be a feeling person in a world that so often seems immune. It's through our deep sense of what lies underneath, our knowing that can't be explained and is rarely understood that we find our own path, our own next steps, our own safe spaces. Hold yourself in a special place in your heart tonight. You are loved by something and someone so much bigger than you can ever know!
Hi Jane, I just wanted to say that I really appreciated your reply to my comment. I didn't reply at the time as I wasn't at my computer, but it really helped to read it. You do an amazing job. It helps to know that I'm not alone, and that this is a real thing, to realise it's okay to feel and be as I am. I realise now I need to prepare better for next Christmas and not just hope it will all be okay! Plus thanks for the book tips 🙂 x
Hi Jane! What are your thoughts on moving to a new city/state and finding love? I've been planning to move across the country in the next few months. Not for love... but to be somewhere where I can easily embrace my passions, somewhere that I feel is a more natural fit for me, and where I can better grow into the person I want to be. I've lived in the same suburb for 10 years and am definitely in a dating rut. One of my friends even told me a year ago that I need to move out of this suburb to the nearby city (and that this suburban location is the reason it seems everyone interested in me is already married). Love is literally the lowest reason on my list for my planned move, but I do wonder if the change in location ever helps people find love, or if I will just end up taking my dating rut with me? Curious to what you think. <3
You go, girl! You're speaking my language. 🙂 It's both. You always take who you are with you, but being in a new place for those of us who sometimes need a clean slate and a fresh start to revitalize and inspire our dreams, love can't help but come along! I packed up my entire life into my little Honda civic back in 1999 and drove from Vancouver, Canada to Los Angeles, California on a whim and a dream. And yes, that's where I met the man who would become my husband - twice - after a whole lot of repeating the old patterns I thought I'd left behind and then rediscovering the me I never knew. I could go on and on ... Keep us posted! Now you've got me really, really, REALLY excited for you! 🙂
Thanks Jane! You totally get it! I absolutely am looking for a clean slate to revitalize my dreams and spirit, and am very excited to be making the decision to move somewhere that I've always wished I lived! Hopefully once I turn my life back into the adventure of my dreams, others will be drawn into my energy! But no matter what, at least I'll be living a life I've dreamed of! After 10 years of getting stuck in one spot and watching my passion slowly fade, I'm excited to reignite it with new places, people, and experiences! I'll definitely keep you posted 🙂
I'll be waiting! 🙂
Thank you Jane 🙂 This made me think deeply. Same as Carolyn, It's A Wonderful Life is my all time favourite black and white movie, when George Bailey is on the bridge and realises what life really means and "I wanna live again..." All his family and friends, neighbours, work colleagues etc have rallied round and saved the day then "Auld Lang Syne" is sung at the end, tears me up every time and always makes me feel grateful for everything I have. Life.
Merry Christmas to you and your family Jane!
Love
Donna xxx 🙂
Oh me too, Donna! Every single time! 🙂
That was beautiful, Jane. Thank you. It was just what I needed to read today. Thank you for what you do. You're like a beacon of light in a big dark world! Happy Holidays to you.
Thank you, Anne. That was beautiful! 🙂 So glad this came through for you today. Happy Beautiful Holidays to you, too!
What a lovely Christmas present! You are even with the Devine and have forwarded it to me. God Blesses you...
Thank you, Glenda. I'm so glad you were open to receive it!
Thank you, Jane. That is such a wonderful wish. May it come true for all of us.
Most people cannot believe I cry very easily. It's funny how people see me as this strong, confident person that I never really see in myself. I do guard myself a lot and it has served me well, but sadly or luckily? It gives people this idea of me that is not as sensitive as I am inside. I cry at the drop of a hat. Movies that make me cry... Plenty. Songs? More than enough. Some of those are Mulan and the song she sings about not being able to be herself. I absolutely love both the movie and the song. I can relate to Mulan completely. When I was younger, I felt I could have easily been Mulan: the society she grew up in, the relationship with her father, how she felt in terms of becoming a "wife", being among men and acting like them to hide in a way. So me growing up.
I love v for vendetta, especially the ending. It's a political movie, but it touches me, as a human being who hates injustice, fascism, war, etc.
There are plenty of other dramas. Basically any drama movie can make me cry very very easily. I usually put myself in the character's shoes and feel right there with them.
My family used to make fun of me for that. But I couldn't help it.
I'm ok with being a feeler now. My life now revolves around accepting myself warts and all and just living for myself. I figure I have always been alone and I'm still standing, so I might as well be with myself this time instead of against myself.
Thanks for sharing, Angel. I hear you. That's the only way I know to be, too. 🙂
One of my favorite Christmas classic movies that always moves me deeply is 'Its a wonderful life' with Jimmy Stewart. It touches me deeply for two reasons. The first reason is because of the beautiful love story between jimmy stewart and Donna reed (I think that's her name). Jimmys movie character struggles for awhile because he is torn between the temptations of a bachelors lifeabd all thosd perks, but finally gives in to true love. I love how that unfolds in the plot. The second reason I love this movie so much is how it demonstrates how meaningful his life really is, by giving him the opportunity through the angel, to discover the significant impact his life had in others in a positive way by showing him what life would have been like for those around him had he never been born. This movie never fails to give me a strong sense of hope and inspiration every time I view it. Merry Christmas Jane Garapick! Thank you for your wonderful sharing and insight ?
Merry Christmas to you, too, Carolyn! I feel the same way when I watch that, from the time I was a little girl and didn't fully understand the themes - every time! Thanks for sharing, and being a beautiful part of this community. 🙂