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Is it love? Or just what you're used to?

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A heartbroken woman with her head in her hands, wondering how do I let go?
Why does it feel like a punishment?

I've noticed a theme in the conversations we've been having lately.

I hear you say you think you're being punished.

You've had such bad luck with men, you're convinced it's got to be some form of punishment.

I hear you say you think it's because of something you did or something you should have known better to do.

I hear you say there's just some reason that you're being put through whatever it is you're going through - as if someone or something called God or love or fate - or whatever you believe in - could do something like this to you.

Drop that story, Beautiful. It's old. It's not true. It's not loving. And it's so unkind to you.Continue Reading

Understand What You're REALLY Looking For

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A beautiful, happy woman is lying in the tall grass with the sun shining on her face, knowing that she understands what she really wants.Stop chasing what other people think you should want.

Now that we’ve gotten clear on who we really are, what interests us and where our passions lie, we’re going to figure out what we’re looking for in our true love.

Mr. Right. The One. Our Soul Mate.

Or whatever you prefer to call him.

Because ladies, we are onto something! And the great news is that he’s not the guys we’ve been dating. And why that’s great news is that it hasn’t worked out so far!

Here we’ve felt like such a failure for not being able to make those relationships work when we’ve tried so hard, done all the work only to have them slip through our fingers (or leap over our heads). Can we finally see that they weren’t the guys for us? They weren’t meant to work, they weren’t meant for us to be able to turn them around, make them come back to us, keep the relationship from ending because they weren’t the ones for us!Continue Reading

How to Attract the Guy You Really Deserve and Avoid The Ones You Don't

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You've heard it said time and time again. You deserve so much more than this! You've even said it yourself more times than you care to remember.

But every time you say it, every time you decide that enough is enough and this time you are finally going to hold out for what you truly deserve, you continue to find yourself back right where you came from. As much as you don't want to.

But what does that really mean?

You think you get it.

You say you know you deserve someone who treats you well, is compatible with you, shares the same values, wants the same things in life, is attractive, communicates with you and has all the other signs of a healthy relationship. But why then, do you keep closing the door on the ones who have all this and do all this, while you keep the door open for the ones who don't?

While it may seem like it's just the common theme that we always want what we can't have, I believe there's another reason that this all-too-common scenario happens to us.Continue Reading

How To Know You're Getting Closer To A Real Relationship

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You start to learn that it really does matter that you know yourself well enough to know who it is you're really looking for. Your list changes to reflect the you you're discovering and learning to embrace in love.  A man and woman are holding hands near the ocean.Don't doubt yourself on this journey. It doesn't matter where you've come from or what you've been through. It doesn't matter how many times you feel you've repeated the same mistakes or how many times you've attracted the same type of guy. None of that matters.

What matters is how each experience brings you closer to what you're really looking for. With every heartbreak, with every disappointment, you learn and you grow. You get to know yourself better and you get a clearer sense of what you're willing to put up with and what you're going to be picky about.

You learn to be more flexible in some areas and less in others. You learn what feels good and what feels awful. You stretch, you constrict, you ebb and you flow. You see things more clearly; the fog lifts just that much more.

You start to learn that it really does matter that you know yourself well enough to know who it is you're really looking for. Your list changes to reflect the you you're discovering and learning to embrace in love. You revise it to reflect what is most compatible with the real you and not some version of yourself that you thought was really you. You begin to understand why being emotionally available and having the ability to commit to a real relationship are the number one and two must-haves on your list.  You begin to see why how he treats you matters more than any item on your list.

You stop making excuses for anyone. You start rightly expecting him to pull his own weight and refuse to keep anyone around who brings you down. You stop expecting someone to complete you and make your life over and instead, you realize what you most want is someone who is a real person who you can have an honest, open, loving relationship with. You start living in reality instead of the fantasy that felt so familiar because you thought you needed to be rescued. You finally see that you don't need anyone to come and rescue you; you hold the key to your own happiness.

You stop beating around the bush and you start coming right out and saying what it is you're looking for. First to yourself, and then to him. You begin to really get that it's only by communicating honestly with any potential new guy that you can both find out quicker if you're on the same page or wasting your time. You stop pleasing. You stop placating. You stop being whatever someone else wants you to be. You stop living up to someone else's unrealistic expectations of you and start listening to that soft inner voice that knows you better than anyone else.

And this time, you actually believe it.

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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