Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
Have you ever felt tired of not being a priority in his life? If so, you're not alone. Gorgeous Monica writes to me this week about her boyfriend who prioritizes much of his life higher than her.
Hi Jane,
I have been with my guy for 8 years on and off hot and cold. His main priorities have always been
#1 his daughter
#2 his job
I was always number 3
I feel so rejected by accepting that also very controlled.Continue Reading
You've been waiting for someone your whole life, haven't you?
Whether it was your mom to love you, your dad to be proud of you, or your teachers to like you, your friends to include you, your boyfriends to never leave you, you've been waiting for someone to do something you wanted them to do your entire life.
To love you.
To want you.
To hold you.
To be with you.
To choose you.
To commit to you.
To never, ever leave you.
Except that never worked out the way it was supposed to.Continue Reading
It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.
Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.
Gently, but firmly.
The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.
If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!
Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.
See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".
But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!
One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.
And if you need help with this, just let me know.
Love,
Jane
How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!
You've always known.
What everyone says don't worry about. What everyone tries to shame you about. What everyone calls you crazy for.
It's actually the opposite, isn't it?
You're the one who's always known what's really going on.
You knew before he left.
You knew before he cheated.
You knew before he checked out.
You knew.Continue Reading
You can't sleep.
It's that thing you said. It's that thing you did.
You can't let it go.
And it's not just what you said or did; it's how messed up everything became after.
You beat yourself up. Again.
You think about apologizing for the bazillionth time. Again.
If you could put a finger on it, you'd realize what you really can't let go of isn't really that thing you said or did; it's that all you want is for someone to just, for once, have some grace and compassion and understanding for you.
Yes, you.Continue Reading
Who benefits from you believing you have to be perfect to be loved? Who gets rewarded when you hold the belief that you have to be something different than who you already are to "get" a guy, especially one of the good ones?
Who?
Is it you?
No, of course not.
These beliefs only keep you striving, trying too hard, discontented, lost, constantly searching for how to be better, different, and more perfect than who you already are.
We spend all our time, energy and money trying to gain that illusion of perfection that we don't even realize is only an illusion because we believe if we finally get it right, everything else will suddenly fall into place.
All those messages we've been told from the time we were old enough to read or watch TV or be marketed to in so many different ways, they've all told us the same thing.Continue Reading
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