self-confidence

I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

Relationship problems concept - close up of man in shirt dressing up and adjusting tie on neck over woman in bed background. — Afterward he just brushed me aside, got changed, and handed me my things.

Our letter today comes from Claire, who's in a situation with her boss that she needs some advice on. Here it is, along with my response. Even if you've never been in this situation, read on because there's some underlying themes of power and control I think you'll relate to.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I am a 21-year-old female who like many other women have nowadays got involved with their boss. I have only been in the business for 7 months and I worry I could lose my job over this.

But anyway, when I started working with him I was only 20, it started off as any natural friendly relationship would, although with the casual flirtatious joke or dirty remark at times, but I thought this was part of his personality at times.

Fast forward a few months and we started messaging on Instagram and from there it turned very flirtatious although he had stated he didn't want a relationship and I had said the same thing.Continue Reading

Does It Feel Like It’s Never Enough?

What I Want You To Remember This Holiday Season

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Beautiful woman outdoors in frosty winter park with snowflakes. — If you only remember one thing, make it this.

There's a reason I’m here, doing what I do.

To remind you of what you can’t see from where you are now. To remind you of your power. To remind you of your beauty.

To remind you that the only reason you can’t see what I can see is because you haven’t come to the part yet where you prove yourself wrong.

Because without proof, you can’t believe it. Without proof, it’s the hardest thing to believe what you can’t yet see.

So my message to you today as we go about celebrating the holidays in whatever way you celebrate, is to stop believing what you’ve been believing about yourself every time another holiday season comes around.Continue Reading

What Rejection Never, Ever Is

27 Comments

Outdoor portrait of a sad woman feeling rejected. — It's never about what it should be.

What do you do when you come to the end of yet another relationship that didn't work out for you? What do you do with that? Or more precisely, what do you conclude? Do you conclude that there must be something wrong with you?

This is the piece you often hear me talking about on here.

Instead of seeing it as not the right timing for you.

Instead of seeing it as not the right fit for you, either right now or always.

We tend to look at a relationship with someone as that it should work because you’ve put everything you've got into it, or you should be attractive enough, or you should be the perfect match for him.

But it’s never about what it should be. It’s about whether it is, in reality, a good fit for you.Continue Reading

It's the Opposite of What We Think

8 Comments

Beautiful young woman with long hair lying on the grass — What if you could look at it another way?

We look around and we see so much of what our culture calls strength among our friends, our colleagues, our role models, almost everyone it seems. They let things roll off them, they don’t take everything so personally, they walk away without looking back.

They make everything look so much easier than the way it feels to us.

The way it feels to us.

It’s this part of us that gets the least amount of validation from the world around us and the people who are the least like us. In a world where success is evaluated by the measurable things that have nothing to do with our hearts, it’s no wonder we can feel so wrong, so misplaced, so counter to what we feel so otherwise pressured to be.Continue Reading

The ONE Thing A Man Who Can’t Commit NEEDS You to Do

32 Comments

slender long-haired woman wearing white summer dress while walking on a green meadow towards a bright and sunny horizon. — There's only one thing you have to do.

You know this kind of man all too well.

He’s pulling away, he’s slowing down, he’s changing.

You’re here for one reason and one reason only: to find out how to get him back.

You want to turn back the clock, make him change back to everything you want him to be.

How do I change him back? How do I make him want what he said he wanted before? These are your questions. It's the answers you want with all your heart to know. But what if we didn't need to make it so complicated? What if it was right there in front of you?Continue Reading

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I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

Here's her email:

Does It Feel Like It’s Never Enough?

What I Want You To Remember This Holiday Season

What Rejection Never, Ever Is

It's the Opposite of What We Think

The ONE Thing A Man Who Can’t Commit NEEDS You to Do

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