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Should I Wait or Move On?

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Do you think he might come back for me?

It's only been a couple months, but Wynn is head over heels for her boyfriend who's just dropped some disappointing news on her. Now she's wondering if she should wait for him or move on.

Here's what she told me:

Hi Jane,

I have been dating my Marine boyfriend for a couple months now and I am totally head over heels for him.

I think he feels the same about me, but he had to move across country for school and he says that we can't be together because of the distance and because he will be too busy.

He cried so hard when he left that I don't think it's just an excuse.

Do you think he might come back for me when school is over or do you think I should just move on?Continue Reading

Remember when you first learned to ride a bike? It's the same thing.

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woman riding a bike
It's time to spread your wings again.

Out of all the tips and tricks you read about everywhere you look these days, there's just one thing that makes anything "work" for you.

It's you!

Remember the phrase, if you could see yourself the way someone who loves you sees you, you would never EVER allow yourself to be treated this way? That's it!

Find someone in your life who sees you like this and hold that vision they have for you.

They don't see you being used, they don't see you being treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. They see you being loved!

It's like learning to ride a bike with training wheels, then someone holds the bike for you when you're ready to take them off. They become the training wheels, steadying you until you're riding by yourself. And before you know it, you're flying high because they let go!Continue Reading

A World of Regrets

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset
Refuse to take on what was never yours to carry.

All those things you think you should have done differently, everything you think would have made all the difference in the world, the truth is it wouldn't have changed a thing.

Because if someone has such impossible expectations of you to expect that you are only worthy if you are perfect, then believe me, you don't want any part of them!

You've tried perfect.

You've tried being everything to all people and especially his kind of people.

Where has it gotten you? Has it brought you any closer to the kind of love you yearn for?

Or has it only brought you more pain, more hurt, more trying to measure up to someone else's standards who, for all their potential in the world, likely has no clue about love?Continue Reading

Am I being a doormat?

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A beautiful woman sits on a couch away from her boyfriend, wondering if she can live with this.
Is he prioritizing his friends over you?

Today's letter comes from Sam, who's got two questions she needs help answering.

Here's what she had to say:

Hi Jane,

I just read the article about the 4 ways to get him to adore you....  just a question regarding his independence - how much is too much?

As you stated in another article, if he always spends his tired Friday nights with me, but every Saturday night with his friends, isn't that being a doormat?

So, how would I handle someone who can't give up his friends?  If he can't do this, is it worth staying?

Thank you!

- SamContinue Reading

Mr. Potential

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Happy young man and woman in a car enjoying a road trip on a summer day. Couple out on a drive in a open car.
He gives you everything you want ... except for a commitment.

So, Beautiful, we need to talk about this guy who shows you so much potential but so little else. It's the conversation we never want to have, but we have to.

Too much is at stake. There's too much to lose.

For you.

I don't care about him right now. I care about you.

I spend most of my time on the phone, over Zoom, and on my laptop talking about him. Yesterday, I spent a couple hours answering an email coaching letter saying everything I ever wanted to say to someone on this topic and it made me realize this conversation is long overdue.

I've tried so hard to be gentle with you, bringing you up to your own level of awareness so you can see this for yourself. But the letter I read today broke me.Continue Reading

He's Everything I've Ever Wanted, but I Don't Feel the Spark

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A beautiful woman is thoughtful, wondering if she needs to feel the spark.
I just don't feel the butterflies that much.

Our letter this week comes from our beautiful reader, Kristina, who's found herself in a relationship with a guy who's checking off all kinds of boxes for her, but not the one's she's used to.

She's wondering where to go from here and I'm hoping my advice, along with your experience or thoughts on this ever-returning subject of "the Spark" will give her the clarity she's looking for.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have never done anything like this. I really hope to receive a response, or to at least receive some notification if you make a blog post. Regardless, if you are reading this, thank you for your time.

I have just read your post about the elusive spark and how you say that it is not something that matters because it goes away anyway. It was so incredibly helpful.

Additionally, reading all the comments and seeing how many women struggle with the same thing, made me feel much better too.Continue Reading

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