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How do I stop loving him and move on?

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Rear view pensive thoughtful woman sitting on sofa alone, lost in thoughts, upset female having psychological problem, heartbreak, thinking about being alone
I want to forget about him and move on with my life.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Michelle who's heartbroken over a man who's seeing someone else. She knows he doesn't deserve her, but she's having a hard time letting him go. Sound familiar?

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I'm hoping you can help me. I've been in a 5 year relationship with a man I'm in love with who so clearly doesn't love me.

We were seeing each other regularly until about a month ago when I found out he's been seeing someone else. I'm heartbroken. We haven't talked since then.Continue Reading

One guy; really?

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Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
It's time to look at it for what it really is.

He's one guy.

I get that.

One really important guy you've pinned all your hopes and dreams on.

I get that, too.

But because one person isn't capable of seeing you, you're going to let that one person define your worth?

No! Not this time and not any other time either.

We're done doing that. We've done that too many times already.

Take him down off that pedestal right now, girl, and take a look at what you've actually got.

The real picture, not the fantasy of "but you don't know him like I do" that you keep coming back to. I DO know him like you do because guys like him are the ONLY ones I'd ever known before I finally did something about it and they all follow a familiar pattern.

Someone who breaks your heart over and over again.

Someone who triggers every one of your blind spots so you can't even see why it's happening. (Get my program WHY MEN PULL AWAY if you want to finally understand why.)

Sure, those good times feel great. Sure, he's got a ton of potential. But there's more to life than potential that breaks your heart every single day, more to life than tears and loneliness and waiting for something to change.

Whatever happened to the woman you used to be who would NEVER allow herself to be treated this way?

Love,

Jane

Whatever happened to her? We all have our stories, our reasons why we've settled for the things that we do. Share yours here in the comments so we can make her more than just a memory again. I want to bring you back to the woman you used to be who stands in her power and NEVER allows herself to be treated this way!

Duped by an avoidant guy. Is it fear that drove him away?

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Sad woman hugging her emotionally unavailable boyfriend and looking down.
Was fear the driver of all of this?

Ever wondered why you keep attracting men with an avoidant-attachment style? Anne shared her story about someone just like this. Read on to hear what happened and my thoughts on why.

Her Story:

Hi Jane ...I just bought your book after another failed almost-relationship. It was so helpful, thank you. I wanted to explain my story; sorry that it’s long.

I work in a helping profession and am patient and all about feelings; I'm like so many of the women in this community.Continue Reading

10 Years Wasted on a Selfish Guy

24 Comments

Profile of a beautiful woman wondering if her guy will ever want a committed relationship.
He has hurt me so deeply. It's changed my view of men.

You know how you stay 'just a little longer' to see if he's going to change? And then you're afraid not to stay in case you miss that change?

That's the familiar scenario I'm talking about here. This is what happens when we wait it out, not realizing the time that passes in the meantime and the days that turn to months and then years.

This is why she wrote to me with the title, subject 'It's been 10 years'. If you've been here you know how it happens and how 'I'll just see how it goes' turns into 10 long years.Continue Reading

He took everything I had. How do I live?

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Cute house on a hill in the countryside.
He took everything, my home, my savings, my future.

There are letters that I can't shake, that I want to reach through the Internet and wrap my arms around these precious souls that have given so much of themselves to someone so incapable of giving them anything back in return. Lis's was one of those and I share her letter here with you so she can feel the love and support of this community of women who've been through something like this, too.

Her story:

We were in a relationship for 9 months.

He knew my life intimately as we had always spoken openly. We were best friends, he was thoughtful considerate and kind and gradually over months I started to trust.Continue Reading

There's what HE SHOULD be doing & then there's what YOU can live with NOT doing

18 Comments

Closeup of a beautiful woman is looking sad becasue her boyfriend has disappeared on her and she wants closure.
Because living with regret is much worse.

You already know he should be the one reaching out. And yeah, you shouldn't have to be the bigger person here. But we're not talking about hypotheticals here; we're talking about you.

And if it's your heart that's breaking and you're the only one who's capable of feeling anything, this is your window to do something about it.

He'll move on. He'll find someone else who accepts him just as he is even as she's nothing like you and never will be.

I've seen this play out too many times.

But we're not talking about him here, we're talking about you. You're the one who has to live with your regrets, not your friends telling you to dump him, that you deserve so much more than what you're putting up with.

I tell you that!Continue Reading

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