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You are here: Home / Archives for finding Mr. Right

Help! My Biological Clock is Ticking Away!

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A woman who is concerned that her biological clock is ticking away and she hasn't yet found her Mr. Right is holding a biological clock near her belly.Here's a letter from one of our beautiful readers, Mady, who is concerned that her biological clock is ticking away and she hasn't yet found her Mr. Right. 

Dear Jane,

First of all, thank you for writing such encouraging thoughts on your very positive website. You’re helping a lot of people, something I strive to do as well – sooner than later, I hope. Thank you, really 🙂

I’ve been reading almost all your posts. There’s one topic I haven’t found though, and which is keeping me thinking and contemplating since at least a year now: What about those beautiful women who are still on their own, in their thirties, and who would very much like to have children?

There’s been some very important and loving men in my life. Yet, these last few years, with all the reading, building on my confidence and convincing myself that real, lasting love will one day cross my path, I feel that one of my biggest dreams would be to have children. Of course, I’m almost 32, my clock is ticking, and even if I meet someone special next year, getting pregnant can still take years of “trying”. So I’m thinking about other“solutions”. I reckon this might sound a bit irrational. I just feel the need to reassure myself by knowing that there’s an alternative, which doesn’t require waiting for/depending on the arrival of that special man.Continue Reading

How I Knew My Husband Was Marriage Material

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It turns out all of these superficial things don't matter one bit as far as love is concerned. A bride and groom walk hand-in-hand after their wedding.

In the early years of my dating life, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and I was absolutely sure I was going to get it: a charming, great looking, well-built guy who dressed well, made plenty of money and drove me around to nice places in a nice car. He'd have been a bit of a bad boy in his not-so-distant past, but once he met me, he would fall so hard that he wouldn't so much as cast a glance at anything else in a skirt, forever treating me like the queen he could see I was.

Intent on this vision, I summarily rejected any guy who didn't measure up, whether it be the way he dressed, the car he drove or any other number of superficial reasons. After all, I was going for the fairytale; I didn't want to waste any time.

It took me too many years and too many rocky, failed relationships to finally figure out the problem is that it is a fairytale. It turns out all of these superficial things don't matter one bit as far as love is concerned. Fortunately, I finally figured this out before my real Prince Charming pulled up in his ten-year-old Jeep Wrangler to take me out on our first date.

Just a few years earlier, the sight of his car would have caused me to spend the first half-hour desperately trying to think of ways to end the date early. But for the first time in my life, I saw things differently. Continue reading on YourTango...

It's Time to Let Go of the Fairytale

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 She always won her man, and he always pursued her regardless of what obstacles came up, and they always eventually married and lived happily ever after. A beautiful woman dressed as a princess is running toward the fairytale castle.You remember the story well. Yet another beautiful commoner captured the heart of the prince, and the two rode off into the sunset to live happily ever after. It didn't matter how many times you heard that story, how many different versions of it you read; the outcome was always the same. She always won her man, he always pursued her regardless of what obstacles came up, and they always eventually married and lived happily ever after. And so it is no wonder that now, when you are all grown up, that story is still playing in your mind, forming your belief of what falling in love and being in a relationship is all about.

Whether it's subconscious or not, that theme plays in our minds whenever we meet someone, whenever we're in a romantic relationship. It's no surprise we believe we can make someone love us, we can change the cold heart of even a beast, that we can move heaven and earth to show someone that we are the one for him.

And that's exactly what we try to do.

Over and over again we repeat this pattern from the time we have our first encounter with what we believe is love, until it becomes so ingrained in us, that we don't know how to do anything different. We think it's our role, our calling. We believe that all we have to do is be that beautiful, loving, perfect woman, and he will fall for us and we will live happily ever after, too.

Until our first encounter with reality.

When we find out that we've been told a story that doesn't translate into real life. It might make for a great tale, a must-see movie, or a captivating romance novel, but when it's our lives we're talking about, there's nothing happily-ever-after about it. The happy ending never came.

And so we learn.

But not before we repeat this pattern at least a few more times before we finally see where this fairytale thinking really takes us in real life, and realize there has to be more than what we're living, what we're experiencing in our own reality.

And so when we're finally ready to see love for what it really is and how it really happens, we start our journey. Our quest from a place we don't understand to a new place that we don't know anything about either. We just know we want the real thing.

We learn it's not about being perfect, not about pleasing anyone or being someone we're not. It's not about making someone love us or refusing to give up on someone even though they're telling us it's over or that they won't make a commitment in no uncertain terms.

It's about being real.

It's about two people who both want the same thing; two people who are both on the same page. Who want to get to know each other better to see where this might lead. It's about being compatible instead of contradictory. It's about sharing the same values and wanting the same things in life. It's about being realistic instead of hopeful. It's about being authentic and staying true to yourself and who you are even if it means that this might not end in the happily ever after you were so sure it was going to be. It's about accepting change. It's about accepting what is. It's about being open to someone not being your Prince Charming after all. It's about realizing there's no shame in admitting you might have been wrong on this one. It's about realizing you don’t answer to anyone except yourself.

It's also about being willing to say goodbye when one or both of you isn't on the same page, with the realization that there is so much more to life than this. It's about communicating openly and honestly with each other. It's about hearing each other, and knowing when to listen instead of talk. It's about really hearing what someone else is saying. It's about having disagreements but knowing you are, as a couple, strong enough to work through them. It's about not always feeling like being where you are, but knowing there's no place on earth you'd rather be except right there. It's about being able to accept what is even when it might not be exactly what you want it to be. It's about being picky about the right things. It's about two people, not just one or the other.

It's time to let go of the fairytale.

It's time to let go of the stories of princes and princesses, Cinderella, Snow White, Prince Charming, to name a few (not to mention those modern romantic comedies). All those stories you thought, on some level, were what true love was all about. They were just that - stories. Made up. Fictional. All those Disney movies, and now all the romantic comedies – it's time to see them for what they are. It's time to stop looking for your oh-too-fictional Prince Charming. Because he isn't real.

There's a real Mr. Right out there in the real world looking for a real relationship with a real woman who's exactly like you. The Mr. Right that treats you the way you deserve to be treated and wants the same things that you want, and believes in the same things that you believe in. He'll have his flaws the same way that you have your flaws, but he'll be perfect in the ways that really matter.

And when you find him, you might realize that he wasn't exactly what you expected. But if you keep your heart and your mind open, you will see that it turns out he's even better.

Having Trouble Getting Over a Break Up? Why It's Time to Finally Move On

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Woman upset, having trouble getting over a breakup
It's just holding you back.

You knew it would be hard getting over him, but you never realized just how hard this was going to be. Whether he ended it, or you, the reality is you didn't want it to end.

All you ever wanted was it to work out, but in the end, you realized it would take more than just you making that happen.

So here you are, trying to accept the reality of what is and move on, but that deep sadness and longing for what could have been lingers on, leaving you wondering if you'll ever get over him.

Getting over a recent (or worse, a not so recent) break up can be one of the most difficult things in life to do, and for good reason.

It makes sense – your life was intertwined with this person and you opened and shared your delicate heart with him, making yourself vulnerable to your worst fear – having that heart crushed and broken into a million little pieces.

And facing the reality of starting over, alone.

While it may feel like the only thing that you can bring yourself to do is continue to hold out hope that someday you'll wake up and find out that it was really just a bad dream, the reality is that the sooner you can bring yourself to move on, the better.

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Ten Things I Would Do Differently

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Beautiful woman sitting on the beach, sad because of her breakup, wants to get her boyfriend back.
I wouldn't be so scared.

… if I could do it all over again.

1. I would spend less time worrying about how we were ever going to find each other.

I would know when we were both truly ready for each other, we would find each other.

2. I wouldn’t try so hard to change myself to be what he wanted me to be.

I would know I didn’t have to be anything except myself.

3. I wouldn’t hold on so tightly to relationships that didn’t honor or respect who I was inside.

I would know that I deserved better than crumbs and that it was only by refusing to settle for anything less than what I deserved that I would finally get it right.

4. I wouldn’t hold on so tightly to another him that I thought was the best I was going to get.

I would know that no guy, no matter how amazing or wonderful (or whatever he is), is worth losing myself for.

5. I wouldn’t be so scared of being alone.

I would know that it’s in being alone that I learn who I am, what I’m about, and what makes me me.

6. I wouldn’t be so scared that someone else was going to find him first.

I would know that scarcity is a lie that we’re brought up, but it’s not true. There’s always enough of everything if we believe it – even if we’re talking about men.

7. I wouldn’t be so scared that the art of finding Mr. Right was somehow in everyone else but not me. That they had the magic in them but not me.

I would know that everyone has the magic in them just by being alive and that I didn’t ever have to be afraid of missing him.

8. I wouldn’t wonder if I was worth someone looking for me and waiting to find me, too.

I would know that I have worth just because I exist.

9. I wouldn’t think that finding him (and keeping him) was about using some magical formula, or some perfect prescription, or playing games or any other manipulative tactics.

I would know that it’s about being real, honest, and authentic; without the games, the acting, the manipulating and the pretending.

10. I wouldn’t be so worried that it was never going to happen to me because I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t deserving enough.

I would know that dreams really do come true, even for me, no matter where I’ve been, what I’ve done or what I’ve been through.

…because that’s the key. It’s not about him, it’s about you. It’s about getting out and doing the things you enjoy, living the life that you were meant to live. And it’s in doing those things that one day, somehow, somewhere, without you even knowing it, that’s when it’s going to happen. Your dream. Your happily after after. The real thing. At exactly the time that you are both ready for each other; and not one moment before.

How about you? What would you do differently? Tell us about it in the comments!

How NOT to Meet Mr. Right. (Part 1)

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Young smiling fireman firefighter in uniform in front of fire engine machine
He wasn't Mr. Right.

This is the story of Mike, the fire fighter.

And me.

And our relationship.

Now we all know there’s just something about a firefighter, right? The big strong hero, who lives to save people, and is coming to save us too. They’re special. And if they like us, then that must mean we’re really special. We’ve really been chosen.

Or so we think.

Or at least so I thought.

After all, it was the beach. Where better for fate to bring him and me together. Sand, surf, sun and all of the endless romantic possibilities they represent. Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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