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Be Confident: You Know Who You Really Are

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That internal voice - it's always there, undermining your confidence, silently eroding your self-esteem, but you know who you really are. A beautiful young woman is thinking about who she really is, and her confidence level.There's that little voice inside your head that seems to pop up whenever you're at your most vulnerable. Whenever you're already questioning yourself and what you're doing and whether or not you really do deserve the best that love and life have to offer.

For many of us, it's subtle and not loud enough to do too much damage. But for some of us, it's very loud. We never hear the actual words, but the damage it does to our hearts, our souls, our very beings, is catastrophic. It's always there, undermining your confidence, silently eroding your self-esteem.

It beats us down, keeps us down, and causes us to lose sight of our dreams, our goals, our hopes. It does the most damage to the most sensitive among us, who heard those words often enough in our lives from outside of ourselves that they are now just part of who we are.

We don't even question it.

It starts as subtle as being told to dream small. To protect ourselves by not expecting too much. Or it might be that we were laughed at when we had an idea that was all our own. It seemed brilliant to us, but to them, it was laughable, cute, funny. Which would be OK, if we weren't so serious.

So then, the next time, it's not surprising that we don't think it's so brilliant, and eventually, when we have these ideas, or think we can do something or become something or even try something, our very next thoughts are that it's laughable, cute, funny. Until, over time, as we repeat this process, we start to not only view our ideas and dreams and aspirations this way, but we come to see ourselves like this too.

Because it's not too big of a stretch when you're young and impressionable and the people who respond to you like this are your world. At a time when you see your ideas, your thoughts of all that you can do, as not being so separate from your self. This all happened before you learned that they don't know everything, that you might even know more than a thing or to, that you might actually know exactly who you are and what you can really do!

But once the suggestion is there, once we've heard those voices from the outside telling us what we can and can't do – as if they know us so much better than we know ourselves - then it's such a small step to internalize that voice and make it our own.

Which is exactly what happened.

Which is exactly why we didn't even know this voice was there. Until we find ourselves later in life wondering why we think so little of ourselves, and why we make choices that don't honor our true selves. Choices that leave us settling for less than what we know we want, and deserve. It's exactly why we find ourselves repeating the same patterns over and over again no matter how much we try to do things differently.

Because that voice is just too strong.

And too prevalent. And too much a part of us. In order to change our internal voice we need to be reminded over and over again, just as many times as we heard it in the first place, that what our current voices are saying is just not true. Until we can make the truth the only voice we hear and make it our own.

There's nothing laughable, or cute or funny about any of this. This staying small, and giving ourselves away because we don't believe we're worth more. This accepting of crumbs and whatever someone will give us to make us feel worthy. This life we've accepted that is so much less that the life we were meant to live! This inferiority, or it's opposite - the inflated superiority - that only hides that hurting little girl underneath the facade.

We've lived like this for so long, we don't even realize it's this subtle internal voice that's underneath it all. Keeping us stuck. Holding us back. Reminding us that it's not worth it, that we're not worth it, whenever we summon up enough courage to attempt to let our lights shine bright.

Until now. It stops here. No more. That voice is wrong. That message is incorrect. Mistaken. You are all that! You deserve all that! It's time to take back our confidence and self-esteem. There's only one response to that voice – tell it that you know exactly who you are! And you deserve the very best of everything beautiful, and wonderful, and amazing that love and life have to offer! There is so much more to your life! And they didn't know better and still no one knows better than you do. You can do that. You can have that. You can be all that! You are all that!

So be confident, dream those dreams, set your goals high, and allow yourself to feel that confidence. Don't allow anyone to tell you that you can't do that, not even you!

Because it's not really you. It's them.

And they didn't know. You have nothing to prove, there's nothing to show them. Just do it for you, and all that you're worth, and all that you are. You, my beautiful friend, deserve nothing, absolutely nothing, less than this!

Filling the Void

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A beautiful woman sids under a tree in autumn feeling sad and lonely.
It's like an awkward silence.

Frequently, whether we're currently in a relationship or we're single, we find ourselves looking for something, longing for something, and we're not sure exactly what it is. We're feeling empty inside, like there's a hollow space within us that we are desperately looking to fill in any way that we can.

So often what we’re really looking for is ourselves.  We’ve gone so far away from our true selves that we don’t even know who we are anymore, much less that we are anything worth being with. We've done so much changing to fit what he wanted us to be, or what we thought he wanted us to be, that we don't even know who we are anymore.

We’ve drifted so far away from who we really are that it’s uncomfortable, like an awkward silence, when we’re alone with no one to make us feel worthy.  Without someone else in our lives to make us feel validated, to make us feel chosen, to make us feel worthy, we find ourselves searching for that missing piece of us, for something to fill that void, something to make us feel whole, complete.

The point that we're completely missing is that we are whole; we are complete, in and of ourselves, without anyone else, without a guy. We don’t need anyone else to make us ok.

But that’s not how we feel.  Whether it’s how we’re brought up or from the messages we receive from our culture, from our peer groups, from our families, from our schools, we’re given the opposite message: that there is something wrong with us.

And then all it takes is a relationship or two with someone who wasn’t a whole person himself to confirm that message so deep within us that we’re not worthy, that there is indeed something wrong with us, and that rejection further cements our unconscious belief that we need something outside of ourselves to complete us.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is we don’t need anyone to complete us. We don’t need anyone or anything outside of ourselves to validate us, make us a whole, to prove our worthiness. The reality is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. We’re not damaged goods.

It may be difficult to believe this, at first, but if you keep reminding yourself you will finally begin to believe the truth – that you are beautiful, you have so much worth, and you deserve to be loved and treated with respect and kindness.

And you are complete within yourself.

Because it's only when we really understand this truth, that we are complete within ourselves, that we are able to be a part of a healthy relationship with someone else.

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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