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Is Online Dating Helping or Hurting You?

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Beautiful woman sitting down checking her text messages using mobile phone.
Let me show you how to choose better.

Today I had a coaching session with a client going over profiles on a dating app.

I pointed out the things that I saw as obvious red flags or signs of incompatibility the way I usually do, but today something else occurred to me that may benefit you to understand, too.

Online dating is a great way to increase the number of perspective dating prospects in your life by the sheer number of how many more people are accessible to you than the usual meeting in real life, especially lately when real life has been so limited.

But there’s an important caveat to this.

You’re not meeting through mutual interests, you’re not meeting where you have a chance to see someone in their everyday life, or at least somewhere other than just as a profile on a screen.

My point is, you’ve only got a small snapshot to go on, so in that short time, it’s important to know how to use online dating apps to your advantage, not to your disadvantage.Continue Reading

It's a Red Flag Every. Single. Time.

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Woman and man sitting on a curb breaking up, man with his head in his hands
Because you need to know.

When he says "Let's see where it goes", the reality is it's a red flag every single time. Even though YOU think it’s reasonable because, well, "I don't even know!"

Here's the truth.

It’s not reasonable. It’s not.

It’s not an opening to what could be the most amazing relationship of your life – the one with Mr. Right.

And yes, that’s even if you don’t even know if this is the guy you want or the relationship you want until YOU “see where it goes.”

Here’s why.

You know why you’re here. You know what you’re looking for.

You're looking for a relationship – a real one – even if you’re not either going to be committing to someone who isn’t ultimately compatible with you.Continue Reading

Why Didn't He Ask for a Second Date When It Seemed to Go So Well?

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A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship.
It seemed like it went really well - I don't get it!

One of my group coaching clients inspired this post (thank you - you know who you are!)

I mean, really, who of us hasn’t been on a great first date with a guy giving all the good vibes, thinking there are going to be so many more down the road, only to be left with that awkwardness when he doesn’t say anything at the end of the date?

All too familiar, right?

So let’s break that down. Why DOESN’T he make sure he’s on your calendar again before he says goodbye? Is it because he’s not interested? Did he not have as good a time as he seemed to? What’s really going on behind the scenes?

First of all, we’ve got a culture that has a whole lot of unwritten rules that influence our men in general, especially when it comes to planning next dates.Continue Reading

5 Simple Tips for Dating During the Holidays

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Beautiful sad woman having difficulties with dating during the holidays.
I longed for someone to spend the holidays with. Did dating during the holidays really have to be like this?

It’s that time of year again. For those of us in the happiest of relationships, with families and friends and all kinds of places to go and things to do, we get why the song says “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” 

But there was a time not too long ago when this wasn’t at all how it felt for me.

When all my friends who had those things – those people, those relationships, that special romance – in their lives, seemed such a contrast to what I had.

While I may have had the most beautiful hopes and dreams, what I didn’t have was anything real.

Someone real. Someone to share the holidays with. Someone to experience the holidays with. Someone to make it the most wonderful time of the year for me.Continue Reading

Should You Be Dating Multiple Men at the Same Time?

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Pretty woman standing and juggling with red balls representing dating multiple men at one time.
Afraid to juggle more than one guy at a time? Here’s why you should be afraid NOT to!

With every new relationship, we learn. Every time our hearts break, we learn.

I’ll never do that again, we say. I’ll make sure to do this instead. Sound familiar?

I used to think there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t NOT jump in with both feet whenever that intense chemistry kicked in. I used to wonder why I couldn’t be like other women who managed to keep their objectivity and take their time getting to know a new guy without putting all their eggs in one basket.

Because unlike them, I spent way, way too much of my time and energy waiting for him to call, to make plans with me for the weekend.  It was such an anxiety-provoking way to live waiting on him like this, and yet doing anything else - making plans with someone else -seemed like I would be showing him I wasn’t all that interested and he would lose interest in me.

Turns out, the opposite is true. This is now one of the things I would do so differently.Continue Reading

Before You Call, Text or Message Him...

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone, wondering if she should call him.
Make sure to do this BEFORE you do something you regret!

How do you say “you blew it!”?

How do you say “if only you had called me first!"

You don’t.

She already knows it.

I can assure her that he wasn’t the right one for her. I can try to convince her that someone who really was on the same page, wanted the same thing, was truly compatible with her, would have been able to overlook what she did or said.Continue Reading

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