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If you don't fix THIS first, nothing else gets fixed either

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Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
You can't will yourself to make this easier.

It's usually after you've tried everything else that you find your way here.

When everyone else has made you feel so much worse for not being able to figure this whole life/love/relationships thing out on your own, and you can now add shame to everything else you feel.

Did they think you didn't want to be able to figure this out on your own?

Of course you did! It's no wonder you have to build up the courage to finally try again.

Maybe this time will be different, but do this enough times and it makes perfect sense why you've resorted to humor or sarcasm or just about any other coping mechanism to hide your pain.

Don't play this game anymore.

This going back to the same people you couldn't count on before to try to get some love and grace, only to feel once more that there's something wrong with you that you can't do the scariest thing; something (anything) different.Continue Reading

You've Always Known

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fantasy. woman in enigmatic meadow over cloudy sky
You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You've always known.

What everyone says don't worry about. What everyone tries to shame you about. What everyone calls you crazy for.

It's actually the opposite, isn't it?

You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You knew before he left.

You knew before he cheated.

You knew before he checked out.

You knew.Continue Reading

You Know When it Happens?

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A beautiful woman is feeling lonely and sad, feeling as though nothing will ever change.
It's so hard to believe anything could possibly be any different.

You know when it happens for you, Beautiful? The moment right after you think it won't.

The very next moment after you think all hope is lost, that nothing's ever going to change for you, that you're simply destined to be alone forever, that you're simply one of the unlucky ones and that's never going to change.

That's when.

We think we'll know when we're getting close. That we'll somehow hear that voice along the way that tells us it's right around the corner.

But, Beautiful, it doesn't happen like that. Right up to the moment right before you know for sure, you won't believe anything could possibly be any different.

Until it is.

I hear this all the time.Continue Reading

The Mindset that Changes Everything

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A beautiful woman is stretching and smiling because of her new love mindset
What a difference a simple mindset change can make!

You know all those things you don't do? All those opportunities you don't take? All those times your fear of saying the wrong thing or coming across as too forward, too desperate or too needy hold you back from saying anything at all?

There's a reason we don't act. There's a reason we don't take our chances. There's a reason our fears around coming across in a less than perfect way keeps us from saying or doing anything at all.

I had a call this week with a woman who needed help figuring out how to find out if a guy she's been on a few dates with is for real, or not.

She discovered he may have some questionable history and yet he's not acting like he's got anything to hide. She's so conflicted about what to say and how to say it, she's not sure if she even wants to go out with him again. But she needs more information before she makes any decision.Continue Reading

It Won’t Always Be This Way

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A woman in a white cotton dress is walking through tall grass.
Every day we wake up to an opportunity to choose something different.

If there's one thing I want you to take from what I have to say today, it's this:

It won't always be this way.

Most of how we respond, operate and act is based on the completely wrong assumption that it's always going to be this way.

That nothing is going to get better, we're never going to have the life we want, the new guy is never going to turn into the right guy, and that new job, new career opportunity is never going to happen for us.

It belies whatever we're saying on the surface because it's so deeply embedded in our subconsciousness. You don't even realize it's there except by the fact that nothing changes, nothing gets better, the new guy never turns into the right guy, and that new career opportunity never materializes.

See what happened there?

Nothing changes because we don't actually believe anything is capable of changing. For all our hope, for all our words to the contrary, our actual actions keep creating more and more of the same.

Because of that subconscious belief system again!

But things DO change.Continue Reading

Why Waiting Never Works the Way It's Supposed To

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
Waiting around for something to happen won't get you where you want to be.

You sit on the sidelines waiting for something that never happens.

You spend all your energy searching for something that never comes.

And while you spend all your time waiting, hoping, comparing (and then waiting some more), there's a life that's being lost in the process. A life begging to be lived, pleading to be explored.

Not when you find him. Not when you're no longer on your own. Not when you're brave enough or ready enough in whatever way would speak readiness to you.

There's so many roads to the same place.

So many ways to catch a glimpse of some him, to find your path crosses the same path as someone you were meant to cross paths with too. But of all the roads you may choose, I know of no other road that delivers you there quite like the road of actual living.Continue Reading

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