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Feeling resentful? Here's why that's so NORMAL!

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Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
Could I really be right back here again?

I was on a call last week with a beautiful woman I'm coaching all the way from Africa. Our community has reached all around the world!

She was struggling with her deep - and completely justified - feelings of resentment after finding herself in yet another relationship where she's put in all the effort to keep a relationship going only to have it end in disappointment.

"When am I ever going to get this right, Jane?!" she asked me.

I empathize with her after voicing these same words more times than I ever thought possible.

"Could I really be right back here again?" For every one of you who've ever uttered these words, we all commiserate with you!

Who among us hasn't responded from our default hard-wired programming that tells us when someone pulls away, you try harder, you do more, you give more of yourself? Who of us haven't found ourselves doing what we would be so much better to do when it feels so counter-intuitive to our rising panic - to stop and let him come to you?Continue Reading

Think you know the single biggest motivating force behind your relationships?

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What is love words written on blackboard using chalk
What do you believe love really is?

I've got a question you'll want to answer right now, Beautiful.

It matters because it's at the root of all your relationships, whether it's conscious or not, and it's past time we get you to the bottom of this mystery of why you keep finding yourself in the relationships you do!

What was the first belief you held about love, whether you realized it or not?

Love conquers all?

Love is only for some select few?

Love is blind?

Love hurts?

I've been studying relationships and the question of why we choose who we do long enough to see a direct correlation between what we believe about love and who we find ourselves in relationships with, whether you even realize you hold these beliefs or not.Continue Reading

What do YOU think makes a man commit to you?

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A beautiful woman is on a romantic date with a man.
Your answer to this question makes all the difference.

It's this part that's so telling.

I hear from women just like you every day. Saying they think it's about something they have to say or do differently. They think there's some secret answer that they haven't yet uncovered, and if they can just find that, they'll have him committing in no time.

I get it, because I went on the search for this, too. I tried all of it - everything- just to try to get my answer.

Is it this?

Play it cool. Be the cool girl.

Or this?

Act like you can take or leave him.

What about this?Continue Reading

Am I Blocking Love?

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A beautfiul woman is feeling anxiety over asking for what she needs.
I think I may be sabotaging my own love life.

Our letter this week comes from Maya, who's wondering if she may be blocking love from her life.

Here's what she had to say and my response:

Hello Jane,

Thank you for all the great emails and answers I have read till now. They are really helpful to get more and more insight.

I would really like to know your idea about this since I feel I need an outer perspective.

In short, a bit of my background.

Growing up I became a people-pleaser to avoid violence. And I got scared and always looked outside myself for love, running after men. Of course with the wrong results.

Went from abusive men to boring men.Continue Reading

How You Get The Guy For REAL

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A beautiful woman has her eyes closed representing a panic attack.
It's all about what you believe.

If it feels like you've been on this search for what seems like forever, you're not alone.

Everyone has their own version of what you're doing wrong, or what you need to be doing instead. Just ask anyone, and the number of different answers you get is enough to make anyone completely confused.

In all my years of coaching women of all ages, from all walks of life, in every corner of the world there's one common denominator that stands out.

What you believe.

The women who find love, who find what they're looking for in life, believe it's possible to find something good.

It may not seem like anything significant, because after all, how does something as intangible as what you believe translate into something as practical as meeting someone? For those of you who live and breathe the practical, the logical and the measurable, it seems almost laughable.

I Am So Tired of Men Ghosting Me!

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Woman text messaging on her phone
His texts got less and less, then suddenly nothing.

With everything going on in our world right now, I debated whether to answer a letter like usual this week, or send you some comforting words, and I've decided to continue on here as much as normal since many of you are still having the same issues with your relationships even in the midst of a pandemic.

Next week, thanks to one of your suggestions, I'll have some tips on dating in the era of #stayhome and how to not drive yourself crazy being alone!

I hope you're all taking good care of yourselves, staying home as much as you can, and finding support here for all your beautiful hearts and souls that feel everything. I adore each and every one of you for exactly who you are, whether that be scared, anxious, worried or whatever you feel today.

I run the gamut of emotions, too.

If there's something you're going through that you're not finding addressed here, please don't hesitate to reach out or reply to this email. We will get through this the only way we ever do anything well - together.

So that said, our letter this week comes from Michelle, who's sick and tired of men ghosting her. Can you relate? I had a feeling you could.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I am so tired of men walking into my life and then leaving for no reason. I honestly am starting to think something is wrong with me.Continue Reading

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