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Am I overreacting?

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Beautiful-woman-snow-contemplative
I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt.

Our letter today comes from Angie, who's wondering if she's overreacting to hearing her newly widowed boyfriend isn't ready to include her in his family holiday plans. Here's what she wrote to me:

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I'm a 48 year old woman dating a 50 year old widow (his wife passed 2 years ago).  I have been dating him for 7 months.

I have only met his teen kids once (despite him being at my house a lot with my teen kids). He mentioned Christmas and that he won't see me as he will go to his parents house with his kids for both Christmas Eve/Christmas Day (which I am ok with).

He also said I won't see him on his birthday, December 28th as it's his birthday and he will spend it with his kids.  He will visit me early evening and stay over.

I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt about his birthday - it feels as though he just wants to keep me away from his kids - but then turns up to spend the evening with me.  He is kind and loving to me and always call/texts etc.

Signed,

- AngieContinue Reading

Should I Wait or Move On?

6 Comments

Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Do you think he might come back for me?

It's only been a couple months, but Wynn is head over heels for her boyfriend who's just dropped some disappointing news on her. Now she's wondering if she should wait for him or move on.

Here's what she told me:

Hi Jane,

I have been dating my Marine boyfriend for a couple months now and I am totally head over heels for him.

I think he feels the same about me, but he had to move across country for school and he says that we can't be together because of the distance and because he will be too busy.

He cried so hard when he left that I don't think it's just an excuse.

Do you think he might come back for me when school is over or do you think I should just move on?Continue Reading

Are you calling this a flaw?

33 Comments

Beautiful woman looking into a mirror.
Let's change how you see yourself.

I've got something for you to do today.

I want you to find the worst thing about you, the part of you that you most wish you weren't, and turn it around.

What's the other positive side of it? What other purpose does it serve?

I used to hate how sensitive I was, I saw it as such a flaw. But when I could finally see the other side of it, the part that allowed me to feel another's pain, to sense when I was around people who were safe or unsafe, and to experience joy as deeply as I experience sadness, I came to accept and embrace that part of me as well.

There's something about accepting what we call a flaw and turning it around that makes us stronger, more confident, because we know more of who we are and why we're exactly the way we're meant to be.

What is that "flaw" - that's anything but a flaw - for you? Tell me in the comments, I want you to hear exactly what it is!

Love,

Jane

Am I being a doormat?

2 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a couch away from her boyfriend, wondering if she can live with this.
Is he prioritizing his friends over you?

Today's letter comes from Sam, who's got two questions she needs help answering.

Here's what she had to say:

Hi Jane,

I just read the article about the 4 ways to get him to adore you....  just a question regarding his independence - how much is too much?

As you stated in another article, if he always spends his tired Friday nights with me, but every Saturday night with his friends, isn't that being a doormat?

So, how would I handle someone who can't give up his friends?  If he can't do this, is it worth staying?

Thank you!

- SamContinue Reading

I Think I Deserve More

22 Comments

Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
A lot of his texts are the exact same ones that I send to him.

Ever wondered if you were wasting your time with someone? I hear you. And so does Kim. She wrote to me last week asking for my thoughts on her own situation. I'm sharing them here for her ... and you.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I have been divorced for 20 years and have dated and the longest relationship I had was 4 years.

My priority was always my daughter and since I had her 90% of the time, dating just didn’t fit into my life. I was enjoying my freedom when I did not have my daughter.

As she got older, I signed up for a dating site. Even though I still didn’t have time to date, it was nice getting the attention and companionship that I was missing. I met some nice men, but my feelings for most of the years were that I did not want an exclusive relationship.

I went on and off different dating sites because I got tired of the same games that were out there and I needed a break. But, would always get drawn back in to try again.Continue Reading

The ONLY Way To Get Him Back

33 Comments

A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
I'm just not sure what to do...

Some women are clear that when it ends, it’s over. They don't try to get him back and they actually don’t even want him back.

They see things clearly enough to understand the reasons why it ended and they recognize that unless he's changed in some pretty clear ways, getting him back isn’t a viable option – or at least not one that would be beneficial.

But then there’s the rest of us.

We're the ones who don’t want anyone else. We don’t even want to look anywhere else but right where he is. We’re not over him, we’re not seeing this as clearly as our friends, family, and coworkers are (they're too busy breathing great sighs of relief at the news).

We want him back!Continue Reading

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