Getting to TRUE Love

You Don't Need to Be Chosen

I see you everywhere I go. All around me, you're everywhere. So much insecurity. So many of you deferring to these guys. Hanging on to them so tightly, literally. Like you need them.

You believe you do. It’s the flawed belief system that’s in so many of you. You're not flawed; it's just the system you bought into, that you've been programmed with.

It's your beliefs that fuel the insecurities, making you believe you need a guy to choose you in order for you to be all right. I know, because I've been there.

I see you. You’re dressed to attract (the wrong guys). You’re talking to attract (the wrong guys). But if they’ll just hold your hand one more time you’ll take it, because you need that to know you have worth.

You just don’t realize you already have worth, without them; that you have a birthright to claim, just because you’re you. Just the way you are.

But you won’t believe it, because no one makes you feel OK, no one has ever made you feel OK; in fact just the opposite.

But the point is that you don't need anyone else to make you feel OK. You can just feel OK, make yourself feel OK by just being yourself. Just reveling in you. Because you is where it’s at. You’re special just because you’re you. Not anyone else.

But you won’t believe it; no one does. And you can’t get that empty “who do I think I am?” feeling out of your head.

Because we all shortchange ourselves. Believe we’re nothing. Believing we're nothing without being chosen, without a worthy guy to make us worthy. Without a guy who measures up in our culture with what our culture says he needs to be. What we need to be.

So there you are, all dolled up, all sexy, showing your worth, showing what you've got. Because if you’re not putting it out there, someone else will and she’ll be picked. She’ll be the chosen one. Because that's what we think it’s all about.

Pick me, pick me, please pick me.

I hear you because I used to be saying it too. And now I'm trying to drown out all those other voices with mine, saying, beautiful one, beautiful you, come home to yourself, and the beauty that is in you; the beauty that is you.

Being chosen is a lie. You've got it all inside. You don’t need anyone outside of yourself to make you feel alive. You were picked on the day you were conceived.

The universe became a better place on the day you entered the world.

What Do You Have to Say?

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I've heard what he says, you've told me. But what I'm more interested in is: What do you say?

What do you like to do? Where do you like to go? What are your dreams? Your goals? What are you passionate about?

Who are YOU?

You can answer so many questions about him; you know everything about what he likes to do, what he enjoys, what makes him happy, what makes him tick. But I've heard enough about him.

I want to hear about you!

So tell me what makes you happy, what makes you tick, what gives you that joy of living. Tell me all about the things you can do, the talents and gifts you possess, the accomplishments you've had. Tell me all about the things you never knew were possible that you've made happen. The handicaps you've overcome. Tell me all about the things they said you'd never do that you showed them you could more than do. I want to hear all about it. Show me you and all that you are.

The real you.

Show me that strong woman underneath all that fear who can do anything she puts her mind to. Show me how you do it. Show me the strength that permeates through you when there's a cause you believe in. A cause you're standing up for. I want to see you at your best, focusing on you, reveling in all that you are and all that you have to offer.

I don't care about him.

I want to see you!

He's Going to Fall For You

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Ladies, it's time to stop worrying about what you said or didn't say, what you did or didn't do, or any of those other regrets you have when you feel like things aren't going well. It doesn't matter.

None of those things really matter.

They are of no significance in the realm where the kind of attraction we're seeking takes place, where the true seeds of love are sown.

It's time to stand up for that inner person of you, instead of breaking her down. It's time to stop beating yourself up and being so hard on yourself. It's time to stop regretting all those things you do that you seem to have such a hard time not doing.

Dwelling on all of these only brings you down and makes you feel worse about yourself and your current state of affairs. It doesn't serve you one bit to stay in that place where there is no self-love, no remembering all that you are and all that you have to offer someone, no honoring of your you.

Because the point here is that when you cross paths with that special one who is looking for you as much as you are looking for him, it won't be those little things that you think are going to make or break the relationship. He won't be looking so closely at those things you love to hate about yourself; he'll be looking at who you are, what makes you uniquely you, the essence of you!

That's what attracts him, calls him over, causes him to take a second look in your direction. And that's what gets him to stay.

It's your aura, your energy, your essence.

And the more you are in touch with who you really are and all those aspects of your personality, your temperament, your heart, your soul, everything that is unique to you, the more someone looking for someone just like you will be able to see all of you come shining through. You see, the key to attracting someone who is worthy of our love, and all that we have to offer is to first see ourselves in the beautiful light of our very essence.

Exactly what attracts him to us is what we must first discover in ourselves. It's only when we see ourselves in this same light, with love and acceptance instead of hate and rejection, that he will be able to see us in this same way, too.

We all have those things about ourselves we want to change.

But there's a difference between loathing the person we see in the mirror and working towards becoming our best selves. One view knocks us down. The other view sees us rising to become the person we truly are underneath all the layers of our defenses and our pretenses.

It's time to stop all this focusing on everything outside of ourselves and come back in to that beautiful place deep inside that's been vacant for far too long. That place where the inner light of you gives up settling for the dim light of mediocrity and refuses to settle for anything less than the glorious illuminating light that is your birthright!

Find that essence within yourself and the one who's meant to find you will find it too. And when he falls for you, he'll be falling for the real you.

Your essence.

Is He Worth It?

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I heard you crying yourself to sleep last night, you still haven't heard from him, but you're sure he’ll come around.

Is he worth it?

I heard you talking on the phone yesterday, saying he didn't come home last night, but you tell yourself he probably just had to work late again and stayed downtown with a friend.

Is he worth it?

I heard you turning down an invitation to a party tomorrow night, because he's working late again and you don't want to go alone, again. But you tell yourself it's only temporary, even though it never seems to end.

Is he worth it?

I saw your bedroom light on late last night; you can't sleep because he's supposed to be calling after he gets back from yet another night out with the guys. But he's done this so many times before, and you keep forgiving him.

Is he worth it?

I saw those tears begin to fall when you saw that couple running to meet each other at the airport. But he always tells you not to bother to come.

Is he worth it?

I heard your voice shake when you made yet another excuse for him while telling your friend that you still believe he'll change.

Is he worth it?

I see you, beautiful, looking into the darkness, wondering where he is and whatever happened to the two of you. Refusing to give up on the dream of him and you, yet wondering why you're the only one who seems to care.

Going through the emotional rollercoaster of the highs and lows of being in a relationship with someone like him.

You can't explain it; you love him so, no matter how he treats you, but you also know, deep down inside, that something isn't right. In your heart of hearts you know you deserve better than this, you know there's more to life than living like this, but he's got so much potential, so much of what you want, if only he would grow up.

If only he would realize how much he needs you. If only he would open his eyes to see all that you are and all that you have to offer him.

You've tried imagining life without him, you've tried to picture going it alone, again, you've tried to picture yourself finding that strength within to live the life you've dreamed of, but have found yourself stuffing into the background.

You're going to miss him too much, you say; it hurts too much to let him go. You need him. He's everything you've looking for in someone, if only he would commit to you. You're scared to let him go; he might be ready for that commitment just when you leave. You're scared to be without him. And scared to be with him, throwing your life away like this.

My question to you, my dear, beautiful friend, is this:

Is he worth it? Is he really worth it?

It's Not About Him, It's About You!

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We've all been there, asking ourselves and everyone who's still listening to us …Why is he doing this? Why is he behaving like that? Why is he treating me this way? What is he looking for? What does he want?

But what would happen if we could change this around to be about you instead of about him?

It would sound something like...Why am I putting up with him doing this? Why am I OK with him behaving like that? Why am I allowing him to treat me this way? What am I looking for? What do I really want?

Do you see the difference? When we switch the focus from him to us, it changes everything. We're no longer so focused on him that we forget to focus on us. We're no longer looking at every little thing he does to get a glimpse into what's really going on with him that we miss putting the time and energy and focus where it needs to be - on ourselves!

If we spend all of our time focused on another person, regardless of who they are or what they mean to us, we simply don't have enough time and energy to put the focus back on ourselves where it really matters! How can we figure out what we really need if we're so busy paying attention to what he needs? How can we begin to truly know where we're coming from, what we're all about, if we spend so much time analyzing everything about him? How can we possibly expect to attract something different into our lives if we are so busy figuring out what he finds attractive that we haven't even begun to explore why we find someone like him so attractive?

While we may sincerely want to know the why's of him, the reality is that it's all a distraction away from us. From doing the work on ourselves to figure out what's going on inside us. It's so much easier to focus on someone else than it is to put that same type of focus on ourselves. It's so much easier to look at what's wrong with him than at what we need to do differently ourselves. But if all we do is keep our focus on him, living our lives focusing on what it is this time yet another him is doing to us, we miss the whole point.

This isn't about him; it's about you!

And the only way to attract something different, to bring someone different into our lives, is to begin that journey to understand who we really are. So that understanding can lead to a confidence in all that we are and all that we have to offer someone who's truly worthy of receiving such a gift.

Beginning with shifting the focus back from him to you. Beautiful, radiant, confident, YOU!

Real Love

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Real love never leaves you hanging.

Real love never keeps you guessing.

Real love never leaves you wondering.

Real love never makes you feel bad.

Real love never makes you question yourself.

Real love never makes you feel anxious or insecure.

Real love never makes you feel alone.

Real love never hurts.

If you're feeling any of these, it's not real love, so don't be fooled into calling it that. Don't try to convince yourself that you have to put up with someone's hurtful behavior or settle for their crumbs all in the name of love because real love just doesn't work that way.

We sometimes call it real love because it's all we've ever known love to be about, but just because that's been our past experience, it doesn't mean it's true.

It's not.

The irony is that sometimes we have to give up our preconceived notions of what love is in order to find out what real love truly is.

And when you find it, when you experience the sweet gift of real love, you will know without a doubt what it is. Until then, it's about letting go of any love that falls short of honoring your beautiful you and all that you are and have to offer. It's about learning to love yourself so that you can begin to feel what it's like to be loved for who you truly are.

It's about sifting through the players and users who use love like it's a game to be won at your heart and soul's expense. It's about learning to say no when our old selves are crying out yes. It's about embracing every part of ourselves; our whole selves that includes our faults and flaws. And seeing the beauty within. The love we have to offer. The hearts we all too willingly give for so little in return.

There is such a beauty within if we could just learn to recognize it ourselves. Once we see that, once we get who we really are, what we have to give, and the real prize we truly are for the right kind of man, we see that there is no question that we must hold onto ourselves until we have seen what he is offering us.

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You Don't Need to Be Chosen

What Do You Have to Say?

Who are YOU?

I want to hear about you!

The real you.

He's Going to Fall For You

Is He Worth It?

It's Not About Him, It's About You!

Real Love

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