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Dating

The posts in the dating category relate to the early stages of a relationship, before the two of you are exclusive. The dating category includes topics such as where to find men, how do I find Mr. Right?, first dates, should you call him, etc.

3 Ways to Know He's a Keeper

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A beautiful woman holding up three fingers indicating 3 signs he's a keeper.
These 3 things better be at the top of your "must have" list.

All too often we overlook the three most important essentials of a real relationship.

Looking back, these seem so obvious to me, but it wasn’t so clear back when I was dating.

Of all the qualities I was looking for in a guy, of all my “must haves” on my quest for finding my own Mr. Right, I didn’t pay nearly enough attention to the three things that I now realize are what actually really matter.

We all have our own lists of “must haves”, but these three should be at the top of everyone’s list.Continue Reading

The Case of the Disappearing Man

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The case of the disappearing manWe've all been there – you've gone on a couple of dates, had a great time, then suddenly, as quickly as it started…silence. Nothing but crickets.

So why did it happen? Why did he just vanish from your life? Well, the truth is, it's because he wasn’t the guy for you. You may have felt it, but it wasn’t there for him.

Maybe he got scared, maybe he found someone else, or maybe he got back with an ex. The truth is it just doesn’t matter. For whatever reason, he decided he’s not the one for you. And that’s good news. Because if he stuck around and you built a foundation around him, and then it crumbled, it would be much, much worse.

I know you want to know the reason why, but what good would it do? Do you really want to hear the truth? That he didn’t find you attractive enough, smart enough, or secure enough? Just think through all of the possibilities, including that he found someone else or got back with an ex, and just go with the one that hurts the least.

And know that it's really a gift.

It’s actually a gift that he didn’t tell you why – because now you’re in control. You can decide why it ended. It’s him, not you (it really is). And then you can truly move on, and on your own terms. And moving on is the best thing you can do.

If it’s been 4 or 5 days and he hasn’t called, and before that he was calling you every other day or even every day, then the reality is that you don’t want him to call. Because it’s been too long. If he calls now and you’re OK with it, then you’re going backwards. You’re becoming a doormat.

Don’t be a doormat.

If he calls now and you ream him out for it, and tell him you’ll never accept that kind of behavior again, he might change and start calling you more often. But do you really want a guy who calls you because he doesn’t want to get yelled at? No. You want a guy who calls you because he loves you, and he really likes talking to you. And that guy is out there. Tell Mr. didn’t call for 4 or 5 days that it’s been too long and you’ve moved on. Then move on with your respect and self-esteem intact.

And then go out and find a guy that actually likes to talk to you.

It’s Time to Call Off the Search

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A woman who has called off the search for Mr. RightIf you feel like you’ve been working so hard to meet the right guy, you’ve tried everything from night clubs to dating clubs to speed dating, well I’ve got some good news for you: It’s time for a break. It’s time to realize that you don’t need a man to define your life!  You don’t need a man to have a world to fit into. In fact, it’s the opposite – your life is exactly that – yours.

I know you’ve heard this before, but it’s time to really get it. As much as we may know in our hearts that we’ve been going down the wrong path, attracting the types of guys that just aren’t able to give us what we’re looking for, we still find ourselves rejecting the guys who are actually healthy and ready for a relationship in favor of the excitement and drama of the roller-coaster ride Mr. Wrong takes us on.

So why don’t we stop this self-destructive behavior?

Well, the truth is that it’s a lot easier to keep doing the same thing over and over again than to stop and take a good hard look at ourselves, and do the work to figure out what’s motivating us to keep repeating these same patterns over and over again.Continue Reading

4 Signs Your First Date with Him Should be Your last

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A beautiful woman on a date with a man.
Here are 4 signs he doesn't deserve a second date.

All relationships have to start somewhere – and that somewhere, most of the time, is on a first date.

So how do we know after that first date if the guy is deserving of our company for date number two? Well, there are several ways.

I’ve heard of women who will give their date a test of some sort, such as refusing a menu and asking their date to order for her, or trying to pick up the check at the end of the date, in order to see how he reacts, in the hopes of gleaning some insight into his personality.

Although I’ve never gone the route of intentionally doing something to “test” my date, I’ve realized over the years that there are certain signs that just spell trouble down the road. Continue Reading

The One That Made Me Sick (Literally!)

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A beautiful woman lies on the couch holding her stomach because she is feeling sick over her breakup.
I felt like I'd been hit by a bus!

It was about 12 years ago, at a ski resort in South Lake Tahoe.

It was Thanksgiving, and my best friend and I had decided to take advantage of the long weekend and get out of Los Angeles to spend the holiday with her family in their vacation cabin.

So there we were, two single girls in our late twenties headed off for a fun filled weekend at the slopes.

Skiing? Oh no. There was none of that involved.

We were there for a much higher purpose – to meet MEN!

So we spent the weekend doing what we did best – we shopped during the day, and went out on the town at night.

It all started off innocently enough.Continue Reading

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

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Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.
I haven't heard from him - what should I do?

Last month we discussed the reasons he hasn’t called.

Since then, I've gotten a lot of questions about dating protocol regarding whether we should go ahead and call him or wait it out and see if he comes around.

It got me thinking about this topic and what’s really going on with this whole should I call him?, how long should I wait before it’s ok to call him?, etc.

Why do we put so much of our energy into trying to figure out this simple decision?

Because it has such implications.

Or does it? Does it really matter if we call him or not call him?

Of all the things I remember from my single days, that’s probably one of the most memorable; the “do I or don’t I call him” conundrum.Continue Reading

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