Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

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Is this you?

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset
You mean I have a voice?

If you've never had someone model boundaries for you, if you've never learned how to find your own voice - and use it, there's something you need to know about finding it.

It's not easy. It won't feel natural. And you'll wonder if it's okay to have discovered this at all.

See, no one ever tells you how uncomfortable, how completely out of your comfort zone it’s going to be for you to learn a new language that includes the “I” statements you’ve never learned.

“I feel”.

“I need”.

“I want”.

“I hear”.

“I know”.

“I am”.

“I’m not”.

The list goes on and on.Continue Reading

It's so hard to move on

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A beautiful woman covers her face with her hands because she is feeling afraid and lonely.
How can he make me feel like a crumbling mess?

Susan wrote to me the most heart wrenching letter about how hard it is to let go and move on. I knew what's she going through would resonate with so many of you. Been here?

Here's her story:

Omgosh Jane. How do you do it?

How did you know exactly what I'm suffering right now? Silently painfully and occasionally voicing to few who harshly shut me down with comments that make me feel even worse about myself than I already do.

I should know better, you have been through this before why are you allowing or being so foolish. You should never cry over a man - what's wrong with you. We always thought you had more sense and you're so weak and making a fool of yourself, he doesn't want you don't you see.

Of course I see and don't they know I yell at myself over and over until I can't stand to be in my own body and I have deserted and loathe my own self for allowing myself to go through this.

We don't talk anymore and he cut me off.Continue Reading

If you're ready to give up, read this first

16 Comments

A beautiful woman is frazzled because she can't seem to get over a breakup.
Let go. Let it all go.

If you're ready to give up, I'll give up with you.

I'll stand beside you, I'll be right there with you. You won't be alone. We'll do this together.

You don't have to try so hard anymore. You don't have to keep the struggle alive.

The fact that it's so much of a struggle at all is telling you something.

Let go. Let it all go.

Turn it over to God or the Universe or some higher power that's always partnering WITH you for what's best FOR you.

Stop trying so hard. Start over.

A roof over your head. Food & water. Heat and cooling. It's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. You start with the basics. Physical/physiological needs.

Safety. Security. Within yourself. From you, not anyone else. You can't have the rest without making sure you have those.

Now you're ready to make a plan to get all your other needs met. You're here, now. Stay with me.Continue Reading

Why do you even bother?

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A beautiful woman is leaning on a railing against a sunset, disappointed she hasn't heard from her boyfriend.
What's your reason?

That's my question for you today.

Why do you even bother?

With so many discouraging moments, so many disappointments, why do you still bother to try?

Because you've got a reason. Even if you've forgotten it up til now.

It's there somewhere, giving you hope, keeping you believing in something changing in your life for you even if it's so hard to see.

There's a reason I'm asking you this today. I want YOU to hear from yourself WHY you still bother. Why you haven't given up all hope of your life ever being different, why you're still here.

I want to stir up some excitement, some passion left in you. Some determination, some motivation to finally crack your own code for why you still have enough hope to come back here every time.

What's your reason?

There's something stronger than you believe you are that's not giving up on your story ending here. What is that? What does that look like for you?

Don't underestimate the power of you knowing your why, your reason that STILL gives you hope even if it's not always obvious to you.

There's a reason, girl. Time to remember what yours is!

Take a moment to think about this and then put it down in the comments. It makes all the difference in the world when you say it out loud and write it down right there in front of you!

Love,

Jane

Should I Wait or Move On?

6 Comments

Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Do you think he might come back for me?

It's only been a couple months, but Wynn is head over heels for her boyfriend who's just dropped some disappointing news on her. Now she's wondering if she should wait for him or move on.

Here's what she told me:

Hi Jane,

I have been dating my Marine boyfriend for a couple months now and I am totally head over heels for him.

I think he feels the same about me, but he had to move across country for school and he says that we can't be together because of the distance and because he will be too busy.

He cried so hard when he left that I don't think it's just an excuse.

Do you think he might come back for me when school is over or do you think I should just move on?Continue Reading

I lived this way for years

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on.
I tried so hard.

I don't know who told you being single is your punishment for something you did in your past but I do know this; they were wrong.

Who you've been and what you've done is about what you thought you had to do to be loved.

Everything you did - no matter how much you know better now - was about getting someone to love you. Even if you didn't know that back then, even if you're beating yourself up now, holding yourself to some standard of perfection you could never have lived up to back then, this still isn't about some punishment you're wearing like an albatross around your neck!

I lived this way for years. Trying so hard to make the hardest cases to crack actually love me.

I measured my worth by them. The irony was, they had no clue how to love, they couldn't even love themselves, let alone someone with as much light and love as me.Continue Reading

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