Instead of asking yourself what's wrong with you, or what you did or said wrong, or why you weren't good enough for him, there's something else you need to be asking instead. Who treats someone like this? Who withholds reassurance from someone vulnerable enough to ask for it?
You think it's you because that's what we're so programmed to believe - that it's because you said too much or the wrong thing at the wrong time. But why can't you communicate directly with someone you're getting to know, who's obviously giving you some indication he's interested or you wouldn't be here at all?
Ask yourself this; isn't there something wrong with a guy who responds to you by avoiding or ignoring you, instead of being honest with you? What does that say about him?
Don't put this on yourself, Beautiful. You're human.
No, you're not perfect. No, not everyone is going to be on the same page as you or want to be with you.
But for all you might not have been what he's looking for, couldn't he have had the decency to tell you this directly instead of treating you the way he did?
Absolutely!
The fact that he didn't tells you exactly who he is and what he's about and it's not what you deserve. Don't attach your worth to what this one guy on the planet thought of you.
It doesn't matter who you are or where you've been; you deserve someone being honest with you, telling you the truth, responding to your questions and giving you the respect of direct communication instead of hiding behind shaming you or putting his stuff on you.
Don't take that on. Don't make this about you not being enough. These aren't your story. Don't do this to yourself. Don't take what someone told you is your story and make it come true!
Love,
Jane
I know this theme resonates with so many of you from my calls and emails with you. It's your turn. What are you taking on today that isn't yours? Share it in the comments below!
I've left this womanizer 4 times, not due to just the womanizing, but also due to the fact that he constantly objectives females in movies & then tries to explain away, his obvious, illicit, very disrespectful, repetitive behaviors.
( I've noticed ages from very young to full grown. That's why I said females, instead of the word women).
It's amazing how he acts like it's no big deal, until I flip there script, & ask how would he feel if I behaved in such a way. His facial expression immediately turns to anger, worry, & concern. Now he's thinking of me objectifying men & making lude gestures. He quickly yells, " I wouldn't like that at all."
He also gets angry when I tell him his actions, turn me off to him, I don't want him touching me & we have a great sex life. So that pissed him off also. I seriously don't give a F!*$. Why should I. He clearly doesnt. He begs of course, trying to avoid the topic all together. Of course I refuse any sex, he storms out the room, instead of cuddling me as former lovers have. We just committed on 12-9-2020. 12-12-2020, I go thru the BS above. He'll no, he must go, period. I am so beautiful sexy confident & strong as well as independent. Men fall over me everyday. My options will stay open, for the man that'll really know how to deeply respect this queen. I deserve the very best that life has to offer. I will not settle for less, ever.
Wow, I totally can relate. I guess u can say I am in a long distance relationship. But of course theres a catch. We've been talking since September and we still haven't been talking on the phone or face time. Even though he promises everything under the sun and never follows through. The first red flag was when I found out about his age he lied, cuz he thought I would not be interested. Then he won't exactly tell me where he lives, he wont add me on one of his Instagram accounts but he puts me on the 1 hardly anyone sees and theres pics of both of us together on it saying he loves me,and I'm going to be his wife. But he says and does things on his ig page that hurts my feelings and I ask him to stop and he says its just for his business but hes talking about marriage and babies and doing videos shaking his butt, its upsetting to me. Idk wat to do, i really care a lot about him but this isn't fair to me.
Thank you! I tried to be calm and communicate my needs to my avoidant narcissistic ex. He just blamed me and projected his stuff in me, leaving me I. September without any explanation nor without even moving out. He just left and said he wanted me to file divorce or he would. Then he started telling people I was crazy, because I got mad and called him out on his lies. Now it has gotten back to me that he is telling people I have BPD. Thanks for keeping me sane through all of this.
I'll do more than keep you sane, Becca. I'll remind you every single day of who you are and what you deserve and why you can never, ever be with someone like this - no matter how good he sounds in that magical beginning! - ever again!
This spoke to me today. I have questioned myself as to what I did wrong or why wasn’t I enough. After the text break up message I was really blind sided. Here I have dated a man for 18 months who cannot communicate to me why he is breaking up with me. I have questions myself for the last six weeks but I am letting it go because I will never know and that bothers me that he could not give me closure to the relationship.
This is precisely why he won't give you that closure, Pam. Because this is what keeps you up at night. This is who he is. Who would deny someone that?! It's your confirmation. Take your closure from this. Not easy but we're dealing with realities, not fantasies and this is who he's showing himself to be.
I'm not giving my time on waiting for someone
Good for you, Julie!
How does a guy go from calling and texting non stop to not answer phone or text without any explanation at all. Everything seemed fine....my first thought is are you okay? Did something happen to him...I know its just cruelty of being ghosted. And I am a why person so its eating at me.
He realizes what he's signing up for, Lori. And ironically, the closer you are to his image of the perfect person for him, the more he'll run if he's not ready. It's not you, it's him!
I hear what you are saying but after telling me "he wants to see what else is out there", he gets in a serious relationship. He told me i was everything he was looking for but he dropped me overnight. I still love him and cant get over the fact that he is with someone else.
The hurt is too deep and i know there will never be another.
The first person you need to be in love with is you! Everybody else comes after that. Yourself worth should be tantamount. There will be others.
I recently broke up with my BF because he didn't want a commitment after 14 months of dating. I was not willing to accept that. And even though it hurt to break up with him myself worth is important. I will not allow anyone to denigrate me. I am worthy of the best someone has to give. I am a quality woman. and what I gained out of being able to walk away from that relationship is more self-respect. People will treat you as you ultimately see yourself, so you must take a step back and understand that you were worthy of nothing less than the very best someone has to give. That's what you give of yourself and that's what you have to expect from someone else or you don't get it!
You must understand your value first and hold that true to your heart. If you don't value yourself others will not value you.
I'm not saying to be overbearing, pushy, snob, conceited, or self-righteous.
But be a confident woman that loves yourself and values who You are as a person! Understand that you have a lifetime of strength, wisdom, knowledge, and love to offer someone and that makes you valuable, special.
Believe that about you first and then they will believe that about you . We all have a moments of weakness but you got to stay true to yourself first.
I know how you feel. It is also hard right here at the Holiday season
And if he could do this to you, he can do it to her and every other woman who's going to come after her. His words mean nothing! It's consistent action over time that shows you whether you can believe mere words or not. This will always be another. This world is too big for there not to be, no matter how much you're hurting now. Don't let him have this affect on you, Jeanne. It's only how it feels right now!
Your absolutely right! But my problem is I’m 61 years old and a breast cancer survivor... double mastectomy. Not real sexy and men are shallow...real shallow. This is difficult for me to over come but I’m working on it. 😊
There's something worth so much more than sexy with what you've been through, Donna. Don't you dare sell yourself short! Someone truly worthy of you and on the same page as you is going to love every part of you that went through this fight and survived. That's the only kind of man you want and yes, there ARE men like that who know the value of a woman like you!
Dated a guy for 14 months. Retired military officer, widower whose wife had been murdered why he was stationed overseas in a freek taxi cab robbery.
He had been widowed 2 years, I had been widowed three my husband passed from cancer.
It was incredible I mean he loved Bombed me the whole time we were together. We went on trips, he did things for me around my home, we spent most every weekend together either at my house or his. I had to have a couple of surgeries underneath he was right there to take care of me. Then several weeks ago he tells me we have to talk, this was after spending a great weekend together having a lot of fun. So he tells me we're never going to be married, I'm never going to live with him, and he doesn't want a commitment. However, he doesn't want to stop seeing me and wants things to continue on just as they are. He does however want the choice to date other people if the opportunity comes up.
I told him I think about it for a few days. When I got back to him I told him absolute truth about how I felt about him in a very kind way. I told him I was deeply in love with him and could not watch him date other people. So no matter how much I loved him this is not the kind of woman I am. And I broke it off. I will not settle for less than what I'm worth. I've been a strong, successful, loving woman. I'm a cancer survivor, I'm retired for my job, I own my own home, and I'm debt-free. I stay in shape, I work out daily, and I'm a Christian. I will not settle for something like this. It broke my heart to break up with him and shocked him. I actually think he thought I was going to go along with that. Nope not my style
So sorry for your loss, Suzan. I'm sure it seemed so perfect at first with someone who understand what it was like to lose the love of your life. You can't settle for what you know in your heart of hearts you can't live with so be proud of yourself for knowing yourself well enough to see that. You can't be happy with what something you'd have to pretend you can tolerate and watching him date others is no way to respect yourself!