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You are here: Home / 2020 / Archives for October 2020

Archives for October 2020

Yes, you.

12 Comments

A beautiful woman stands, looking downward, in front of a red brick wall.
It's time to give yourself the compassion you give others.

If last night was another night you couldn't sleep because of something you said or did that you can't let go of (because of how messed up everything became after the fact), it's time you had some grace and compassion and understanding for you.

Yes, you.

See, you have it for everyone else. You go out of your way to excuse and understand and see the best in and give everyone else you're invested in, the benefit of the doubt. But for you, it's a different story.

There's no compassion or grace in the way you look at your imperfections. There's only judgement and disdain for how you look upon what you should have known better and should have done differently instead of what you did.

So when he called you out on the very thing you were trying to prevent, when he turned it on you because you were trying so hard to be perfect you forgot you were human, too, it only added insult to injury on how you were already feeling about yourself.

Let it go.Continue Reading

I’m TOO perfect? How is THAT the problem?!

7 Comments

A beautiful woman leans her head against a tree, looking unsure.
I just don't get it.

Your comments inspire a lot more than I often have time to put into my responses, and a recent one was no exception as it brought up a point too important and relevant for any of you to miss.

It’s a scenario you’re used to. He’s pulling away, while giving you his reasons, sharing his sad story from his past. He just wants to be loved, to be understood, to know he can trust you, and yet even when the entire essence of you conveys that to him with everything you do and say, it's STILL not enough to make him ready for a commitment with you!

You're incredulous. How can I be all that and he STILL doesn't know it's going to be different for us than it's ever been with anyone else he's been with? How do I show him that?

I responded by telling her precisely what the problem was.

She’s too perfect for him.

I've had this conversation with so many women before her. I imagined her looking at me incredulously, which is usually the response I get. How could that possibly be the problem?! She’s been trying to be perfect ENOUGH her whole life.Continue Reading

There's what HE SHOULD be doing & then there's what YOU can live with NOT doing

18 Comments

Closeup of a beautiful woman is looking sad becasue her boyfriend has disappeared on her and she wants closure.
Because living with regret is much worse.

You already know he should be the one reaching out. And yeah, you shouldn't have to be the bigger person here. But we're not talking about hypotheticals here; we're talking about you.

And if it's your heart that's breaking and you're the only one who's capable of feeling anything, this is your window to do something about it.

He'll move on. He'll find someone else who accepts him just as he is even as she's nothing like you and never will be.

I've seen this play out too many times.

But we're not talking about him here, we're talking about you. You're the one who has to live with your regrets, not your friends telling you to dump him, that you deserve so much more than what you're putting up with.

I tell you that!Continue Reading

Stuck in a Long Distance Relationship with No Communication? You're Not Alone

11 Comments

Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
I know he's busy, but four days without even a text?

Our letter today comes from Becca, who's in a long distance relationship with a guy who's got a "too busy" schedule for her even as he's telling her he wants to settle down. She's not buying it and wants to know if she should stay or go.

Here's her story and my response:

Hi Jane,

I'm dating a film director who informed me from the jump that his schedule can be hectic and sometimes he may not be able to reply etc. He also told me his career comes before anything and anyone!

He's organizing his film premiere and I haven't heard from him in 4 days.

In general, I always get a hold of him or hear from him. We're in a long distance relationship, he's coming to see me in a couple of weeks and I just don't know if I can handle him choosing his career over me.Continue Reading

What No One Ever Told You About Attraction and Compatibility

7 Comments

Silhouette of a woman and a man about to kiss, symbolizing love.
Yes, attraction is very important, but...

I work with a lot of divorced women who are doing this the second time around. And there's a pattern I've noticed.

The guy they chose their first time around isn't the one they're choosing this time. What they learned about their first choice is influencing their second choice.

Whether this is your own first search or you're like them, doing this the second time around, I've got something invaluable to tell you to help you in your own search.

If you're a deep and sensitive person and choose the macho guys-guy kind of men, unless you've changed who you are, your next guy needs to be a deep and sensitive guy, too. These women have found that just because their original guy lit them up because he was so different from them and they were like, "Hey, what's it like to be you?!" doesn't mean they're actually compatible with this type of guy.Continue Reading

My Boyfriend is Flirting with Other Women on Twitter

10 Comments

young attractive couple in relationship problem with internet mobile phone addiction boyfriend ignoring sad neglected and bored girlfriend at home couch feeling depressed and lonely
He flirts more with other women than me.

This week's letter comes from beautiful Maggie, who's confused about her relationship with a guy who's spending too much time paying attention to other women on social media, and not much on her.

Here's what she wrote:

I met a guy on Tinder in Lockdown.

We started talking on the phone for a month and getting to know each other. We couldn't go on a date coz everything was closed so I went to his apartment the first time we met and spent the weekend there.

It seemed like I knew him for months.

He asked me to be his GF and cooked for me. I said yes and we started dating.

We continued love bombing each other and everything went well until.... I found out that he was flirting with girls on his Twitter but he kept saying that it's not flirting to him because it's public so I can see it and they are just tweets.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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